[vocemfata]

I’m okay, working quite hard which is, as I found out, a great way to fight with gambling urge! On my free time I play games with friends and read a lot and watch movies and TV series (which are my hobbies, so it’s good to have time to explore them!). Unfortunately I have a lot work for university, and thus I don’t have that much free time…

The main problem I have is lack of copywriting jobs – before the pandemic on a few platforms I am registered in there were hunderds of available jobs, but now not only there are none or almost none, but also the rates went down and I earn a lot less then I used to. (Even though I write a lot more). Getting one stable, monthly order (about 25k characters per month) is a success, but I am really worried about stabilising my financial situation. For example today I barely got any article – luckily it was an expert article about COVID-19, so it paid well and I earned more then I needed. But tomorrow and the day after… It looks grim…

Any ideas guys how to work from home? Just don’t post MLMs, cause they are shit.

[vocemfata]

I feel kinda terrible, I don’t really know why. Maybe because my financial perspectives are grim? Probably that’s why. Anyway, I’m working hard and doing everything to break with gambling forever.

[vocemfata]

DAY 3 TODAY – 25/03/2020

Didn’t do that much today. I worked a bit, did some university stuff, played one CS:GO game. I’m about to do some Netflix Party with my friends and later on either do some interesting texts if some will be available or keep on doing university stuff.

For the next few days I’d like to focus on my debts and make a plan to solve this problem. I will write here every day how many characters with spaces of paid texts (if any) I have written. Of course my main priority is to end with all gambling.

I got my first long time order – I will be writing texts for a guy, the price for 1k characters is not that terrible, probably around 10-15k characters per month. Still, it’s something, isn’t it? Wish me luck. Tomorrow I will speak with some debt-advisor and try to figure out my solutions to the problem.

Today I wrote: 7k paid characters.

[vocemfata]

Hi, nice to hear about your recovery. I hope you will keep up! I will follow your blog!

[vocemfata]

DAY 2 TODAY – 24/03/2020

(last day was 23, I made a mistake)

I was working a lot today, doing some copywriting stuff. Didn’t earn a lot, unfortunately, cause they are paying like shit. I played with my friends a bit too and I am about to watch some movie and later write about it. I feel good today, although my problems are still valid. I want to work quite a lot right now to get the money to repay the debt.

I started searching for more copywriting jobs and got a few interesting offers. They pay terribly, but they pay and that’s important. New jobs will hopefully be a bit more profitable.

No gambling-related thought today, which is fine I guess.  

[vocemfata]

Day 1 today

Thanks for your advice. I marked all of them as a spam before and I did it again. It was a new service and actually they send me this email ILLEGALLY – I will inform about this the police, since, as it turned out, sending such messages in my country is ILLEGAL! This fact makes it twice as annoying…

Let’s hope that I will be able to last more in recovery this time then the last one!

[vocemfata]

Unfortunetely I went back to it… And, what’s even worse (maybe not worse but it all makes terrible) I’m back in debt…

All it took were 2 emails that went through spam: good loan offer and new bookie offer. They went through on the same time on the day in which I had a lot of spare time. I planned to play Stellaris, but instead I registered and started playing…

I feel terrible, but I will not surrender in my recovery, no worries. I was excpecting that this will happen. After I repay the debt again I will close my acc on ALL loan companies, just to make sure I won’t relapse. I just closed an acc on onre more company. I could have taken their money and made the situation even worse, luckily I did not. I will try to salvage some remains of cash from long-term bets, but this will be hard. Luckily apart from this exact bookie I will not be able to play anywhere else, due to gamban, so no casino, slots or an other sites are available.

I’m down around 4.5k in debt right now, actually a bit less. No idea how I might repay this… Tomorrow or the day after I’m filling self-exclude form from the last bookie. I still have there 1000 PLN bonus from my last deposit. It would be a pity not to try bet with this – If I win, at least some of the money is back.

Tomorrow I will try to do my financial excel sheet and write down all things that I need to pay, exact dates and any possible income sources.

Do you have any ideas how may I get help with this?

[vocemfata]

Day 28 today

Everything is going okay. I managed to repay almost all of the debt, 200 PLN is left. Unfortunately both companies are not willing to give me back the part of the provision that they should legally return – I will have to sue them for that (luckily this is quite easy and the money is worth it).

I won’t lie to you – I had a few major urges. I almost broke – yet I did not. One new legal bookie just launched in my country – I registered there, confirmed my ID and immediately self-excluded for 1 year, without making any deposits. I miss gambling, but now I have more time to do some self-developing activities.

I would like to work a bit more in November – copywriting isn’t paid well, but it’s usually fun. There are no good text orders available right now though, so I can’t really do it. 🙁

I hope for a clear bank statement for this month. 🙂

[vocemfata]

Day 20 today

Good news!!! I talked with my parents. They were not THAT supportive as I thought, yet they will help me and they agreed to provide me with almost all of the money I need to pay back. I will get it after the weekend, around thursday/friday. I still need to earn about 400 PLN to repay the rest, but anyway I am delightful! 😛 I will be even able to get back some of the provision that the companies take for lending money (not much, but just because I will repay it fast I will pay around 100-150 PLN less, it is still something).

Now I have to fully focus on my recovery and getting the remaining funds back. 🙂 I know I will have good help, but I will keep on posting here and I hope you guys will keep on supporting me on the way to the top (thank you for that metaphore Berta!!!).

By the way after the conversation (which were quite long) I made myself a cheat friday and was playing Stellaris and reading some comic books for the whole day. 🙂 Finally had some much needed free time to spare which I spent fully on non-gambling activites that give me a lot of fun!

[vocemfata]

Day 18 today

I finally had a few big urges. I managed to beat them. More will be coming, but I am ready to fight them!

I got myself a few small copywriting jobs. I don’t really have much time, but I wrote a few texts. Money is bad, but I like writing, so I am fine with that. I wish I had more time to do that, but studying and running a blog already consumes a lot of time. And I need some amount of entertainment (cinema, video games, reading books for fun, not for university, meeting with friends) as well!

This weekend I will talk with my parents. I hope they will pay my debts and help me to start everything again. Keep your fingers crossed!

I also made myself a promise – I will do all I can to get a PhD in a future. This plan is really far distant since I still don’t have a Bachelor’s Degree, but I love doing science and I feel like this is what I want to do for some time in the future!

[vocemfata]

Hey, thanks for your reply! I have already blocked access to all gambling websites on all devices I can use. Gamban is installed until May 2020 and I will probably prolong it after I fix my finances. Your concerns gave me a lot of productive thoughts and ideas on how to help my recovery. Thank you!

[vocemfata]

Day 15 today Thank you for you comments, they are really helpful! I am well-aware that there might be more “days 1” – I will try to do my best to avoid it!

I am back at my home. Had literally no time to think about gambling on the weekend and therefore had no urges! Now, while I’m back, I again work on fixing my terrible financial situation. No urges for now. I have a lot of things to do in incoming week, so I won’t really have much free time in which urges might be a problem.

I know I am still at the begining of my recovery, yet I hope all will be the best!

[vocemfata]

Day 11 today. Tomorrow I have a three-days university trip; I will have no internet there and a lot of work with people. I feel really good – yesterday I had a small urge, but it was easy to beat.

During last one and a half week I did a lot of things that were useful for me. I wrote some stuff that I always wanted to write, watched a few good movies (I am a really big fan of cinema), read two books I have always wanted to read and meet a couple times with my friends. I feel really happy since I quit gambling.

My only concern are the urges, that will probably keep on going back. Hopefully I will be able to fight over all of them! 🙂

If you read my journal, please leave a comment – they are really motivating me to keep on doing good work on recovery!

[vocemfata]

Day 8 today. I still am doing really fine, no urges since last post. I know though that some might come soon and I am ready to fight them! I have quite a lot of things to do in incoming days and I am whole weekend away from home and busy due to university things so I do not worry about this weekend. The downside is still the debt that is quite painful. Still figuring out things that I can do in order to pay it back. I have some time to do it (first of three until some time in November), so if I do not figure out something in like two weeks, I gotta get help from my parents!

[vocemfata]

I am doing just fine – today is day 5 without any gambling . I had a few urges, but they were small and easy to fight over. I have been doing quite a lot of things over this time and I am really satisfied with the fact I have more time to do valuable stuff! I hope this will continue and I will be able to fight over any urges that will later occur. 🙂

Unfortunately I don’t really know what to do with the debt. I paid off one of them and prolonged the rest, yet I am out of money and without a job (and not really have the time to work). I wonder how to ask my parents to fix this problem…
D1: 1428,50 PLN
D2: 2109,60 PLN
D3: 1656,72 PLN
Combined debt: 5194,82 PLN

I will try to sell some things, maybe and aquire cash from all available sources. Noone wants to give me long-term loan (for 12-24 months) due to low financial credibility…

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