[vocemfata]

Hi guys, I’m just an avarage fellow trying to break with online gambling. I lost most of my money on slots, but I did a lot more sports and esports betting and a bit of poker. I would like to break with this habit and find a courage in myself to finally end with gambling. What have I already done and what is my plan?

PLAN:
a) cease gambling activities
b) pay out my debts, which are as follows (in my country’s currency):
D1: 1428,50 PLN
D2: 1024,56 PLN
D3: 2109,60 PLN
COMBINED: 4562,66 PLN
c) stay away (almost entirely*) from gambling for as long as possible
d) start saving some money for the future when available and secure savings from being lost on gambling; at plan to start with 100 PLN per month nad then increase it further.
*I have left myself a privalage of having a monthly limit of 20 PLN on last bookie for really special cases.

WHAT HAVE I DONE:
1. I have self-excluded myself on all gambling-related websties and left a few Facebook betting groups.
2. I have installed gamban on my computer and I will do it on my phone after a few days.
3. I have requested withdrawals on all of the available sites – it ain’t much, but always some money. I have made “last bets” on a few of them before self-excluding using bonus points that would have been lost anyway – if I hit my bets, it’s fine and I get extra money to cashout, if not, those points would have been lost anyway. I have a few long-term open bets made before self-exlusion too, if I win any of them I will immediately cashout all winnings.
4. I’ve came up with a few interesting ideas how to help myself in my recovery.
5. Regular and honest (not daily) updates here.

DAY 1 – 02/11/2019
I think that’s all… Well, wish me good luck!

[hambone]

Good luck, I’m afraid you’re going to need it if you’re continuing to make bets, keep accounts open. I had to completely and totally surrender to come clean, but I hope you’re different.

[Steev]

Get rid of that * because win or lose – if you just gamble once for special reasons – you will end up loosing more. I’m afraid stopping gambling is an all or nothing affair.

[dunc]

Hello and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[dunc]

Hi Vocemfata

Welcome to GT… I love the way your making plans. However maybe you could include some form of group therapy, counselling.. something to help you understand your addiction

One line you wrote “*I have left myself a privilege of having a monthly limit of 20 PLN on last bookie for really special cases.

Would you advise a junkie or alcoholic to keep enough drugs or alcohol just for special occasions… or would this be a tad dangerous?

Take Care, Keep posting and learning

[vocemfata]

03-05/10/2019

Hi guys, how are you doing? I still haven’t figured out what to do with the debts – I’ve tried to get long-term loans (for like 24-32 months), yet no company is willing to give me them. I will try to get more next week, but the situation is bad. Luckily one of the long-term bets I have made like a week ago turned out to be right and I won 296 PLN, which I immediately paid-out; if I won’t get a long-term loan this may be a money that will help me prolonging the payout termins. If I do, at least I have to ask for 250 PLN less.

I feel kinda okay now, don’t really have an urge, but that MIGHT be because I still have a few open bets for the weekend. I will see how am I doing after the weekend.

I’ve watched three films during this time, last one being “Joker”. I am writing this post as a short break while writing the film review; I already have written one more review yesterday. Unfortunately for those ones I won’t be paid, they will be put only on my webpage. I started back working on another page which is designed for blackhat money making – ain’t gonna spend much time on it, but I hope it will provide me some profit in the future.

I was also on my university; since the classes finally started, I will have less spare time. I spoke with many collegaues and one of them told a story about her trip to the US during holidays – she made 2200 $ from 50 $ in a casino in one night while playing slots and roulette. I congratulated her and adviced her not to gamble a lot and she said she isn’t stiupid enough to gamble. This was an interesting conversation which I should think through; while I don’t care that much about her opinion, this may be a good extra motivator for me.

Thanks for all advices – they are reallly helpful. I still got to think over a lot of ideas and concerns and figure out a plan. This may take a while. Regarding your concerns – since I used the limit before self-excluding, first bet I will be able to make would be on 1st November. And 20 PLN is literally nothing. I might have trusted an alcoholic to drink a 300 ml beer once a week if I knew this would have been the only beer he could buy in a month. Yet I still think you made a good point and will rethink it.

If someone read it or at leats a part of it, please leave your comment. This will be a nice and helpful gesture!

[Berta24449787]

I’m sorry if you feel that we are all negative and don’t believe that you can still keep a few side wagers and be o.k., but the facts are not painting a good picture. If you could casually gamble and stay out of debt, you would have already. If you had control and perspective over this issue, then you wouldnt have a gambling issue. I have stated before, my nephew is an addict and no, he can’t have a little bit of heroin and remain sober. Nor can the alcoholic. You know nothing about their addiction or this one. An alcoholic cannot have a little bit and stop drinking. The desire to have more is uncontrollable once they have even a little bit. The same is true of a cg. Gambling a little bit requires something that you dont have if you are a cg. If you had it, could muster it, you wouldnt be a cg. I know where the belief comes from in you. You are not ready to give it up 100%. You tell yourself that you will still do it, just a little, and that you will have more control because you realize now that you have a problem.I thought the same thing in the beginning. I didnt need gamban because i got rid of my credit cards and most of the deposit methods. I didnt need gamban on all of my devices because i wouldnt gamble on my phone or ipad, they were too limited, too small. Guess what? I gambled on anything i could using whatever method i could after a while because the desire to do it was too strong. You need to committ or at least abstain until you get the bugs out. The majority of the plan is a good one. Just admit that you have a problem that you have no control over and then go from there. The problem isnt your debt, its your compulsive gambling.

[vocemfata]

Hey, thanks for reply. You are obviously right about it all. I will use your advice.

[vocemfata]

06-07/10/2019

Okay, so two crucial things happened. Today I chcecked all gambling websties and ensured myself that I am self-exlcuded on them. I were not on few and that led to my first failure. Even though I really wanted to fight the urge, I couldn’t. I lost 400 PLN. Luckily though I quickly realised what is going on and stopped playing and di not lose everything. Right now I am 100% sure that I am self-excluded on all gambling websites. I have finally installed gamban both on my phone and my notebook (before it was installed on PC).

2nd thing – I took another loan. So my situation is as follows:
D1: 1428,50 PLN
D2: 1024,56 PLN
D3: 2109,60 PLN
D4: 1656,72 PLN
COMBINED: 6215.38 PLN

So at first it looks grimmy… But I have managed to spare myself quite a lot of cash – 900 PLN on my bank account. I will tomorrow use it to pay some part of one of the debts. I sepnt 200 PLN on setting up a new profit-oriented website (of course non related to gambling issue) – we have a plan on developing it and creating

Unfortunately prolonging loans is EXTREMALY expensive… That’s why I think I would finally want to tell my parents about all this mess. If I don’t find any other way, probably I am gonna do it next weekend.

Important question: Do you have any tips on how should I tell them about everything?

[vocemfata]

I am doing just fine – today is day 5 without any gambling . I had a few urges, but they were small and easy to fight over. I have been doing quite a lot of things over this time and I am really satisfied with the fact I have more time to do valuable stuff! I hope this will continue and I will be able to fight over any urges that will later occur. 🙂

Unfortunately I don’t really know what to do with the debt. I paid off one of them and prolonged the rest, yet I am out of money and without a job (and not really have the time to work). I wonder how to ask my parents to fix this problem…
D1: 1428,50 PLN
D2: 2109,60 PLN
D3: 1656,72 PLN
Combined debt: 5194,82 PLN

I will try to sell some things, maybe and aquire cash from all available sources. Noone wants to give me long-term loan (for 12-24 months) due to low financial credibility…

[vocemfata]

Day 8 today. I still am doing really fine, no urges since last post. I know though that some might come soon and I am ready to fight them! I have quite a lot of things to do in incoming days and I am whole weekend away from home and busy due to university things so I do not worry about this weekend. The downside is still the debt that is quite painful. Still figuring out things that I can do in order to pay it back. I have some time to do it (first of three until some time in November), so if I do not figure out something in like two weeks, I gotta get help from my parents!

[vocemfata]

Day 11 today. Tomorrow I have a three-days university trip; I will have no internet there and a lot of work with people. I feel really good – yesterday I had a small urge, but it was easy to beat.

During last one and a half week I did a lot of things that were useful for me. I wrote some stuff that I always wanted to write, watched a few good movies (I am a really big fan of cinema), read two books I have always wanted to read and meet a couple times with my friends. I feel really happy since I quit gambling.

My only concern are the urges, that will probably keep on going back. Hopefully I will be able to fight over all of them! 🙂

If you read my journal, please leave a comment – they are really motivating me to keep on doing good work on recovery!

[vera]

Continue enjoying life as you have been doing for the last week and a half and the urges will subside.
Gambling spoils EVERYTHING!

[Berta24449787]

You are new to the site, but others, like me have had many day ones. Relapses are a reset and if you are ok with starting back at square one over and over then give in to your urges. My personal feeling is that you dont sound like someone who will want to have to admit defeat then start from the beginning all over again. It is humiliating to let a whim control your success. It gets easier with time and when the urges come you have to make sure that you have blocks in place to stop you. I am 2 days shy of two months gf and was trying to get around my gamban yesterday. I had a period where I may have faultered if I had access and luckily I had none. Dont put yourself starving in front of a table full of food you shouldn’t eat. That’s what gambling is to me. It’s a diet that I need to stay on to save my life, so I’m not going to tempt myself. Same goes for you. You may never stop the urge completely but as long as you take the steps necessary to block access, you have a fighting chance. Good luck to you.

[vocemfata]

Day 15 today Thank you for you comments, they are really helpful! I am well-aware that there might be more “days 1” – I will try to do my best to avoid it!

I am back at my home. Had literally no time to think about gambling on the weekend and therefore had no urges! Now, while I’m back, I again work on fixing my terrible financial situation. No urges for now. I have a lot of things to do in incoming week, so I won’t really have much free time in which urges might be a problem.

I know I am still at the begining of my recovery, yet I hope all will be the best!

[vocemfata]

Hey, thanks for your reply! I have already blocked access to all gambling websites on all devices I can use. Gamban is installed until May 2020 and I will probably prolong it after I fix my finances. Your concerns gave me a lot of productive thoughts and ideas on how to help my recovery. Thank you!

[vocemfata]

Day 18 today

I finally had a few big urges. I managed to beat them. More will be coming, but I am ready to fight them!

I got myself a few small copywriting jobs. I don’t really have much time, but I wrote a few texts. Money is bad, but I like writing, so I am fine with that. I wish I had more time to do that, but studying and running a blog already consumes a lot of time. And I need some amount of entertainment (cinema, video games, reading books for fun, not for university, meeting with friends) as well!

This weekend I will talk with my parents. I hope they will pay my debts and help me to start everything again. Keep your fingers crossed!

I also made myself a promise – I will do all I can to get a PhD in a future. This plan is really far distant since I still don’t have a Bachelor’s Degree, but I love doing science and I feel like this is what I want to do for some time in the future!

[Berta24449787]

That’s great that you understand when you get them and deal with it accordingly. Keep thinking about the debt but dont obsess. You didnt get there in one day so you won’t get out in one day. I have the pleasure of looking at a bank statement this month and NOT SEEING WITHDRAWL, WITHDRAWL, WITHDRAWL. It is the first month in a long time with no electronic transfers for online deposits and it feels so good. By the end of this month I will have two full months clean on the statement. I may not be in a much better state financially than two months ago but its definately not worse. I am inching my way back to good at the same time that I am putting the brakes on descending into the financial abyss. Focus on the latter too. You are no longer falling and that is great. Once you stabilize you can begin the ascent to a higher ground. Just get your footing, collect yourself and make a plan to get back up. Think of it as rock climbing. You’ve fallen. Start again.

[vocemfata]

Day 20 today

Good news!!! I talked with my parents. They were not THAT supportive as I thought, yet they will help me and they agreed to provide me with almost all of the money I need to pay back. I will get it after the weekend, around thursday/friday. I still need to earn about 400 PLN to repay the rest, but anyway I am delightful! 😛 I will be even able to get back some of the provision that the companies take for lending money (not much, but just because I will repay it fast I will pay around 100-150 PLN less, it is still something).

Now I have to fully focus on my recovery and getting the remaining funds back. 🙂 I know I will have good help, but I will keep on posting here and I hope you guys will keep on supporting me on the way to the top (thank you for that metaphore Berta!!!).

By the way after the conversation (which were quite long) I made myself a cheat friday and was playing Stellaris and reading some comic books for the whole day. 🙂 Finally had some much needed free time to spare which I spent fully on non-gambling activites that give me a lot of fun!

[Berta24449787]

Like to hear that all is well…. Hope that you are in your 30’s (gf days that is)  by now and that you are looking toward a positive outcome to all this struggle….

[vocemfata]

Day 28 today

Everything is going okay. I managed to repay almost all of the debt, 200 PLN is left. Unfortunately both companies are not willing to give me back the part of the provision that they should legally return – I will have to sue them for that (luckily this is quite easy and the money is worth it).

I won’t lie to you – I had a few major urges. I almost broke – yet I did not. One new legal bookie just launched in my country – I registered there, confirmed my ID and immediately self-excluded for 1 year, without making any deposits. I miss gambling, but now I have more time to do some self-developing activities.

I would like to work a bit more in November – copywriting isn’t paid well, but it’s usually fun. There are no good text orders available right now though, so I can’t really do it. 🙁

I hope for a clear bank statement for this month. 🙂

[vocemfata]

Unfortunetely I went back to it… And, what’s even worse (maybe not worse but it all makes terrible) I’m back in debt…

All it took were 2 emails that went through spam: good loan offer and new bookie offer. They went through on the same time on the day in which I had a lot of spare time. I planned to play Stellaris, but instead I registered and started playing…

I feel terrible, but I will not surrender in my recovery, no worries. I was excpecting that this will happen. After I repay the debt again I will close my acc on ALL loan companies, just to make sure I won’t relapse. I just closed an acc on onre more company. I could have taken their money and made the situation even worse, luckily I did not. I will try to salvage some remains of cash from long-term bets, but this will be hard. Luckily apart from this exact bookie I will not be able to play anywhere else, due to gamban, so no casino, slots or an other sites are available.

I’m down around 4.5k in debt right now, actually a bit less. No idea how I might repay this… Tomorrow or the day after I’m filling self-exclude form from the last bookie. I still have there 1000 PLN bonus from my last deposit. It would be a pity not to try bet with this – If I win, at least some of the money is back.

Tomorrow I will try to do my financial excel sheet and write down all things that I need to pay, exact dates and any possible income sources.

Do you have any ideas how may I get help with this?

[Berta24449787]

If you gave email you can mark things as spam and they wont be sent to your email box anymore. I did this with all of my online casinos and once a week, on a good day when I’m busy, I mark and delete them quickly. You have to have a trigger finger with these things. Delete delete delete. Fast. Get back on track and outsmart them at their own game. They won the battle but not the war.

[vocemfata]

Day 1 today

Thanks for your advice. I marked all of them as a spam before and I did it again. It was a new service and actually they send me this email ILLEGALLY – I will inform about this the police, since, as it turned out, sending such messages in my country is ILLEGAL! This fact makes it twice as annoying…

Let’s hope that I will be able to last more in recovery this time then the last one!

[Author]

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