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Hey man, thanks for posting in my thread. I’m not a huge sportsbetter myself (although at the height of my binge gambling I managed to lost 5k on on ridiculous bets on sports I don’t even watch), but I totally get the “mind bet”. Similarly on other forms of gambling, you can become irrational and always think damn “if only I’d arrived a bit earlier, or if only I put it all on that number/colour I would have won $X” – it’s all in our mind. We were never going to bet anyway. Whenever we “mind bet” and it loses we just think phew that’s lucky, but we don’t remember those for long. Your addiction is the one talking to you to make you think “dude if you just bet there you could have won, you should come back to me and start winning money” – don’t listen to that voice.
If you haven’t already done so I highly recommend self-excluding yourself from all online/offline forms of gambling you’ve used (or have heard of) in the past. Especially in the initial few weeks after a gambling binge, the temptations will be extra strong and it just takes one moment of weakness, even when we’ve been feeling fine all other 23.5 hours of the day, to cause some major damage. Furthermore, if you have problems with passive betting or mind-betting, perhaps tone down the sports watching for a few weeks.
Good luck!
Hey there just read your thread and hope you hang in there in this battle…it is a lifelong battle.
Just wondering if you’ve considered self-exclusion? Sometimes we need an extra layer of protection above our own mental commitment and for me self-exclusion and gambling blocking software (if you play online) has helped me stay clean for 6 months. If I didn’t have these measures in place I’m almost certain I would have gambled at least a couple of times in the casino or online and most definitely would have resulted in heavy losses.
Hi Ray,
Well hopefully you’ve learnt that quitting gambling isn’t as simple as “ok I promise I will stop now.” Yes at that moment you feel 100% confident that you’ll stop but we know time will always tell an entirely different story. It starts with boredom or a stressful event and your addiction will tell you it’s ok to just play a little bit “for fun” and even set a time/loss limit for your session. This is just the trap to get you started back on that rollercoaster that digs your hole just that little bit deeper each time you go for another ride. We all know this inside ourselves yet we trick ourselves into thinking we are in control every time. Ray, you MUST self-exclude (especially if you are not handing your finances to someone else for control). You are in a very dark place right now and I get it, it’s living hell down there. You’ll feel physically and emotionally sick from the big loss (huge losses over small times are very psychologically damaging) and you need to grieve this loss. Not just the loss of your savings but the loss of your former self that you are proud of.
Time will make things easier but your primary concern should be preventing yourself from all triggers or ways to access gambling. Keep posting here and we’ll be here to support you along you way but ultimately this is a battle only you can win by your own efforts.
Hi lotti,
Sorry to hear about your predicament. I can relate completely. I’ve also had breaks of up to a few years from gambling only to later hit a new low that I did not think was possible. The problem for people like us is the addiction is always dormant inside of us and ready to strike at any given opportunity (typically arising from financial or other stress in our lives). There’s a good reason why this is considered a lifelong battle. We never really “beat” a gambling addiction, we can only manage it by not playing/avoiding triggers and ensuring adequate blockers are in place for life (self-exclusion, blocking software etc.)
Your story is not dissimilar to mine. I recently lost 20k of life savings and took our the first unsecured personal loan of my life as I was in denial/extreme irrational rage from losing this amount. I’m generally very tight with money yet cannot stand a small loss and must chase with huge amounts. It’s funny that people who are tight with money generally take even bigger risks to chase their losses, which usually starts small but quickly escalates as I’m sure you understand. Continuing on with my story of course I lost that 20k personal loan money in a few months (even got back to even but blew it all). It was always going to happen and is the end result of this addiction. You could have won back your losses but you’d most likely still have ended up losing it all due to gambling greed.
I even shamefully had to take payday loans which I admittedly used to always look down on people who took them. I was now just another gambling degen. The escalation from small amounts to ridiculous losses really happens before we even realize what we are truly doing to ourselves.
I urge you to self-exclude and install blockers on all devices asap. I have been clean for 6 months but only because of these measures. I know you want to gamble that 10k from your parents but you MUST RESIST. You are not at rock bottom yet. That’s when you lose your partner, your job and your family. Most importantly you lose your dignity and sanity. Stop now before it’s too late. Good luck.
Hi Ray,
Sorry to hear about you losing all of your savings. Unfortunately this is the typical end result of a gambling addiction. We inevitably hig rock bottom before we can stop and actually think about the full extent of the financial, psychlogical, and physical damage we have done to ourselves. How much we’ve sacrificed our time and energy, destroying our relationships with our family, friends and partners. Underperforming at our jobs. The problem isn’t that you lose money, the problem is that you can’t stop gambling until it’s all gone.
You need to accept these losses and realize that gambling is futile and will only get you deeper into the hole should you continue. The addiction does not discriminate. I was similar to you, a good education, a good job, healthy savings, a loving partner and even have a mortgage for an upper class apartment. I only gambled recreationally prior to my 3 months meltdown of online/casino blackjack, where I had losing swings of up to 40k in one night (and winning ones too, but these are just as bad as they reinforce your addicted brain that you can win back your losses). I was confident I would not become one of these “degenerates” that somehow my intelligence and good upbringing shielded me from being a big time gambling loser. I was wrong. A gambling addiction can affect anyone, and is so strong that any logic you have is thrown out the window when you play. You lose your sense of money, take irrational risks and compulsively chase losses with ZERO control when gambling. That’s what the addiction does. It will trick your into thinking you can control it, that you can play small or just walk away with a small loss. That you’re smarter than that. It’s all just your addiction convincing you its ok to gamble. Truth is, for people like us, we simply cannot gamble AT ALL. We cannot control ourselves. You need let go of your pride and accept that you are powerless to this addiction. You can beat it but it will be the toughest battle of your life and it WILL BE A LIFELONG BATTLE. You need all the help you can get. Tell a partner/friend/family member. Otherwise go to GA. Most importantly, self-exclude from ALL land and online casinos you have access to and install a gambling blocker asap. I assure you that the chances of you gambling again is VERY HIGH, especially in your current state. You are still in the denial stage. Exclusion is paramount at this point (and recommended permanently). You must actively take action to stop yourself from gambling. The urges will feel unstoppable. You may relapse but don’t let that phase you. Do whatever it takes to overcome this and you can reclaim your old life back. What we lose most from gambling is not the money itself but we lose our former selfs. We become something else which we are not proud of.
You have not hit rock bottom yet. A long term gambler who struggled with addiction once told me: “just when you thought you couldn’t go any lower, a gambling addiction can bring you a new low that you didn’t even know could exist.” The next step is to take out loans and gamble that away. Then begging/borrowing/stealing money to fund your addiction. The pit really is bottomless. If you continue you will lose your family, friends, partner and job. Most importantly, you will lose your sanity and everything good about who you are. True rock bottom awaits should you keep chasing your losses. Stop now before it’s too late.
I wish you the best in recovering from this.