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Just a quck point I’ll note that responsible gambling protocols varied greatly across websites. Some websites would not care if you lose 6 figures whilst others would start questioning you once they see you escalate from losing a few hundred rapidly into the thousands. However I understand that it’s not their duty to be our parents. They are providing a service for our entertainment (for a price) and whilst the odds are in their favour, it is not up to them to decide who is a casual gambler or who is a compulsive gambler. Losing a few hundred might be devasting to a person on welfare who compulsively gambles. On the other hand, losing a few grand or even more might be a drop in the ocean for a gambling “whale” – eg. A millionaire just splashing around for fun. The casino cannot and is not obliged to differentiate between the two. A good casino will however allow the setting of deposit limits, time limits, and setting restrictions on game type. They should also allow flushing (making withdrawals non-reversible), fast withdrawals and self-exclusion upon request. Ultimately though, these tools are mainly beneficial for non-problem gamblers (sounds conter-intuitive I know) since the real CGs will either raise the limits again even after setting them or simply move to another casino. I know in my madness I would call the bank to raise my limits or even unblock my cards after the bank put them on hold due to high deposits. I also switched casinos after one of them did not allow me to gamble any more. No amount of responsible gambling can stop a problem gambler, we’ll always find a way to keep playing, until we’re all out of money. The only way to win is to not play at all.
I totally get it there should be stricter regulations in place. I do feel it has gotten a bit better recently (eg. Multiple responsible gambling tools such as deposit limits, play time limits, exclusion from certain games), but of course no online casino will proactively help us. One casino did self-exclude me though against my will as I was asking about their process for self-exclusion and told them I had a gambling problem. Best thing that ever happened to me as I was able to withdraw 23k or so from that online casino.
Anyway I think thats all besides the point. There are many many bad things for us that are easily available and we as adults must take responsibility for our own actions. Nobody forced us to gamble. Nobody forced us to gamble more than we could afford to lose. Playing the victim card will only make us try to shift the blame and I’ve been guilty of this in the past…I found this type lf mindset is detrimental to our recovery. We must realize that we ARE in control of our actions and we CAN stop gambling. The money lost is gone and it’s up to us to ensure that we don’t lose another dollar to this industry.
Yep, online definitely was the big one for me. Just the ease of depositing (casino is IN my house 24/7), the ability to just drop up to 10k in one deposit, the fast gameplay compared to in a real casino. The money doesn’t even feel real until you realize what you’ve done sitting at a 0 balance. The long waiting times for ID verification and withdrawals (with easy cancellation of withdrawals) all combine to make it an absolute bottomless money pit for us problem gamblers. I feel like most younger people nowadays get addicted to online gambling, and these same people may never have had an addiction if they were born say 30 years earlier.
That’s a tough one to answer but like with most things psychological I believe it is a combination of genetics and upbringing/life experiences/circumstances. We’re obviously genetically predisposed to potentially fall victim to a gambling but it still took the right set of circumstances to bring it out in us (for me, the widespread availability of online gambling, some stressful life events, coupled with the feeling of boredom/isolation I had when I first moved into an apartment I bought to live by myself). But for me it was always in me, I had already started losong back in my university days and kinda knew I had a problem then, but didn’t address it, and online gambling was the catalyst for bringing my addiction into full light. I think we humans often turn towarda self-defeating behaviours when we’re feeling down or other negative emotions. Gambling just so happens to be our poison of choice. Greed (imability to accept losses/always want to win more), a need for risk/excitement that comes from gambling (perhaps our lives are otherwise too mundane), impulsive risk taking/decision making and stubbornness (unwillingness to give up to gamblimg/accept our losses) may contribute towards this.
Yes those moments of piercing guilt will be quite common in the early stages. But if you can put your focus on other things like setting goals in other areas of your life, this coupled with time will help you reduce those moments of sudden anguish. Eventually, the memories of those horrific moments will only serve as a reminder of why you must stop gambling.
I know you probably fear for the future but just hang in there. Know that relapses are part of the recovery process and you must learn from each one and put in extra measures to block those triggers next time. That said, never use the excuse of relapsing as a way of going back to gambling (that’s the addiction playing mind games with you), your goal is to never play again because you know that your brain is wired in a way so that you can never be just a normal, recreational gambler. Being complacent (especially after a few months of no gambling) has caught me out MANY times and I finally realize that I simply cannot even place that one bet. One bet, even years down the track can lead you back on that path to rock bottom again. Know that even if you have no cravings down, the triggers and compulsiveness will inevitably at some stage return (it’s always inside of us waiting for the right moment), you must ensure that you have the correct blocks in place (this gives you time and some critical time to think rationally) and a plan of how you will overcome those triggers. In order words, long-term preventative measures plus learning about yourself over time will lead you to recovery, but you must be patient.
Sometimes we gotta lose it all before we can finally reevaluate our lives and put a stop to our self-destructive ways.
You pose a very good question. I definitely think there is some validity in that. I feel like gambling addiction is definitely a result of us being unhappy with some area of our lives. Whether its a lack od excitement or variety, or simply feeling like we are not worthy or competent in real life. Whatever the root cause, addiction (in particular gambling) definitely preys on these aspects of human weakness. I definitely think that a great social life and fulfilment in our daily lives would definitely help reduce the likelihood of us falling into this trap, however you see many otherwise successful and intelligent people still become addicts. Overall though I definitely believe feelings of loneliness or helplessness/dissatisfaction with our lives can be huge triggers for addiction.
I do believe that self-defeating behaviors are a bit different to obsessive hobbies. There’s just something about the risk associated with self-destructive activities that make them so much addictive and darkly satisfying. I really don’t understand the psychlogy behind it but its definitely an interesting area of thought.
Hi, you’ve got the right thinking moving forward and I hope you can commit to the path you have set yourself.
It is straightforward but extremely difficult to stick to. It does get better over time and you just need to work out your own triggers and learn to deal with them.
Hey Ray, I totally get it. What you just described I have gone through many times I could not give you a rough estimate. All I can say is that you are not you when you gamble. You can tell yourself whatever before you start, have absolute 100% conviction that you will stop after winning/losing $X, but when you’re in the heat of the moment, your rational brain switches off and the addiction takes the driver’s seat. The addiction is one greedy bastard. If you win you want to win more. If you lose, you MUST win it back, and immediately. We all know that 90% of the time this leads to financial ruin. The actual problem is the 10% of the time we do get extremely lucky and win all our losses back. It ensures that the next time we’re in a similar situation where we’re just down a little/moderate amount, we’ll selectively look back at these rare moments and think “Oh, I’ve gotten it back before by chasing, I can do it again.” Yes sometimes you’ll get lucky and retrieve your losses multiple times, you count your lucky stars and feel relieved, like you are the luckiest person in the world. But what do we do? Definitely not what a sensible person would do (never play again). We go ahead and decided to play with fire again. The addiction is not to win, but to play. Whether we’re losing or winning, we just want to play more. The casino has unlimited money, we only have our savings/maximum credit limits. No matter how much we swing up or down, if we keep playing, we’ll hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, almost every compulsive gambler stops when they do hit rock bottom. It’s impossibly hard to stop and have a clear head until you lose it all. We’re like that aren’t we…it’s either all or nothing. Nope, I rather win back my 20k then call it quits at 15k. I’ll risk have $0 or even going into debt to make sure I get back all my losses. It’s insane when you look back on it, but that was us in the moment of craze, we are not ourselves.
Like you, I’m generally considered quite an intelligent/financially astute individual by most of my friends and work colleagues, and they’d hardly believe me if I told them of the struggles I’ve had with this horrible gambling addiction. For me personally, I have not confided with my parents or my close friends/work mates – especially my parents, as they’ve done so much for me in my life (and helped me with many financial things like with my study fees and helping with the deposit of my house – all this from saving every penny and living ridiculously frugal themselves) – I could not bear the thought of letting them down in such a way. I do not want them to worry about me like this. The only person I did confide to was my significant other, during the peak of my gambling addiction in May last year. It was possibly the hardest moment of my life, and I really did not know what was going to happen, but I got through it, and thankfully she gave me another chance and supported me in my quest for recovery. I think it was definitely a burden off my shoulder to have someone close to me know about my struggles, to know that I’m not dealing with it completely alone.
All I can say now is, you’ve got to make a judgement call. To disclose or not is a tough question and really depends on your own state of mind and your relationships with those close to you. For me personally, it is a mental battle that’s taken over a year and I’m finally starting to feel like I’m slowly getting the upper hand. I did this mostly without much support from my relatives/friends/partner. However it may be different for you. Just remember that if things are not working out well, if you experience any relapses. Don’t give up. Learn from your experience. Learn what the trigger was and think about how you can proactively avoid it next time. The more you learn about yourself and how your mind deals with gambling, it easier it will be for you to be able to “control” your addiction. Remember, there is no cure for a gambling addiction, there’s only the ability to suppress, and ultimately control it when it does strike.
Hey there, 5 days is a good start.
It’s a good question you pose…I think it really depends on the individual. I myself have a fairly addictive personality, and I always need something to do to “stimulate” my mind or give me excitement unless I’ll get bored. Many things I do (whether it’s a hobby, a website, a game or another activity going to the gym) I usually get “too into” and find myself spending a bit too much time on it than I should. I become temporarily obsessed with that thing. So for me personally I do indeed move from one “addiction” to another.
However, that is not to say I cannot lived a balanced lifestyle. There have been occasions where I’ve also been able to live quite a mundane or balanced lifestyle as well. I think the highs of gambling are really unmatched by the buzz of almost everything else we do. That’s why when we suddenly try to stop after a long period of playing, it feels like we suddenly have all this excess time and we almost get “withdrawal” like symptoms from not feeling that sense of risk/excitement we’ve associated strongly with gambling. I definitely find that the longer I withhold from gambling, the less “bored” I become in my normal life as I slowly start to incorporate other routine activities/relaxation activities into my lifestyle. Definitely, I’ll still get the occasional moment when I feel like “damn I’m bored, placing a bet or even watching some people gamble right now would be quite fun/exciting”. But of course I know that’s all a trap, this “fun” will inevitably end in another nightmarish downward slope that I will not allow myself to get on again.
So my answer is, the itch to gamble becomes smaller and smaller the longer you stay gamble-free. If you can find another passion in another aspect of your life, this will also significantly shift your focus away from seeking temporary (and typically self-destructive) escapes during your normal life. But most importantly, remember that, even if gambling may ease your itch, in the long term it will cause you more psychological and physical harm than almost any other addiction. The temporary benefits are fleeting and you only remember the highs and wins because that’s your addiction trying to talk you back into it. Ultimately you know what the end result of gambling actually is ~ rock bottom in all aspects of your life.
Hey there, well done on confiding to a friend. You’ll find that most people will be supportive when you tell them. And yes, online gambling is extremely dangerous. The high deposit limits, the speed of play and the long withdrawal/id verification processes combine to create the ultimate money pit for us compulsive gamblers. Definitely recommend self-exclusion and blocking software. The casino is IN your house 24/7. You must have measures in place to control yourself when you get those urges.