[totovar84]

I’ve been gambling since I was 14, I am now 31. Whether it be, bookies, casinos, online gaming, lotto, and even the stock market it doesn’t matter, I’ve been consumed by this addiction. The first time I reached the tipping point was in 2011, when I had gambled all my savings and my home away, including borrowed money from creditors and family/friends. At that point in time, I had lost close to $200,000 and I decided to come clean to everyone that I was an addict. Fast forward to 2016 and relapse after relapse, I am in the same boat. In the last 5 yrs I would gamble away my wages every week. My losses would be close to $300,000 at this point. I cannot keep putting the lives of everyone around me in jeopardy. My wake up call came yesterday when my wife told me that there will not be any more chances when it comes to my addiction – help exists, be responsible and get it. Over the yrs I’ve used gambling as an escape from personal tragedy and the resulting difficulties that occurred. When I was 15 my father passed away; 7 yrs later my uncle and mother passed away within a month from each other. I come from a small family and we are all very close. My father was my best friend, coach, and my hero. I could not deal with his untimely death. The yrs following were a struggle, both financially and emotionally. My family was feeling the pressures of increasing debt and when I saw the bottom line I turned to gambling once again, thinking that one big win would fix everything. I started to lie, steal, skip work and school all so I could gamble. In the end, i’m no further ahead now than I was before. This addiction has ruined me, I need to get my life back on track, repair the broken relationships I’ve caused, and create a better future for my family.

[charles]

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Hello totovar and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our
privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[kin]

Dear Totovar

Welcome to GT, I am sure you will get some very good support in here and I wish you all the best in your future and recovery.

Hope you wouldn’t mind if I share with you a few questions I ask myself.
How ready are you now, and how serious are you with your recovery, are you willing to do what it takes to get well?

The healing you get in recovery, the peace, calm, joy and happiness you find, the financial security and freedom you experience half way thru this will definitely be worth it, many will tell you.

But in early recovery, you may experience anxiety, stress, pain, suffering , hardship and you may be require to sacrifice doing the things you normally like to do.
Sadly, many do not want to pay this price.
Another challenge, how we all wish that we could erase all our memories associated with gambling, that is perhaps the hardest things to do. Many times, stress will trigger our gambling memories and we will automatically be inclined to old ways to self medicate, or find a quick fix to the financial problem.
Here we learn new ways to replace the old ways.
There is hope, people do recover, one day at a time, we seek progress and improvements, not perfection.
Hope you will find support not only from GT but also from GA, and hospital therapists or counsellor. It will increases your chance to get well.

Looking forward to your posts.

Journaling can be very therapeutic.

Kind regards

Kin

[kin]

Chapter 1

I walk down the street,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk,
I fall in.
I am lost.……I am hopeless,
It take forever to find a way out.

Chapter 2

I walk down the same street ,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk,
I pretend I dun see it,
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But I believe it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.

Chapter 3

I walk down the same street ,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk ,
I see it is there
I still fall in…..it‘s a habit
I know where I am
It is my fault
I get out immediately

Chapter 4

I walk down the same street ,
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk ,
I walk around it

Chapter 5

I walk down another street.

Where are you now?

[kin]

An elder Apache was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them ,”A fight is going on inside me; it is a terrible fight
and it is between two wolves.

One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance,
self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.

The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith.

This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too.”
They thought about it for a minute
and then one child asked his grandfather,
“Which wolf will win?”

The old Grandpa simply replied, “The one you feed.

Are you feeding your addiction or your recovery?

[kin]

The story was about a mountain climber, who wanted to climb the highest mountain. He began his adventure after many years of preparation, but since he wanted the glory just for himself, he decided to climb the mountain alone. The night felt heavy in the heights of the mountains, and the man could not see anything. All was black. Zero visibility, and the moon and the stars were covered by the clouds.
As he was climbing, only a few feet away from the top of the mountain, he slipped and fell into the air, falling at a great speed. The climber could only see black spots as he went down, and the terrible sensation of being sucked by gravity. He kept falling… and in those moments of great fear, it came to his mind all the good and bad episodes of his life. He was thinking now about how close death was getting, when all of a sudden he felt the rope tied to his waist pull him very hard.
His body was hanging in the air. Only the rope was holding him, and in that moment of stillness he had no other choice but it scream, “HELP ME GOD!!”
All of a sudden, a deep voice coming from the sky answered, “What do you want Me to do?”
“Save me God!!”
“Do you really think I can save you?”
“Of course I believe You can.”
“Then cut the rope tied to your waist.”
There was a moment of silence and the man decided to hold on to the rope with all his strength.
The rescue team found the climber dead and frozen on the next day…his body hanging from a rope – His hands holding tight to the rope only 10 feet away from the ground.

Let go of the gambling!

[totovar84]

Thanks Kin, I have to learn to stay positive, focus on the good things in my life and give my all to them. The main thing is that I have to understand recovery is a process that will take time and every struggle, sacrifice, hardship along the way is contributing to me being a better person and regaining my life back. I want to feel proud amongst my loved ones and not ashamed. Life on earth is the ultimate test, there are things that cannot be controlled as they have already been written by the hand of God, as is the case with losing my parents far too soon, but God does give us the ability to work through our problems and choose which path to take. For many years i’ve been walking a dark, winding path. Its time for me to walk the path that is well-lit, with goals in sight and achieving the best version of myself.

[theone12221]

Hi, you’ve got the right thinking moving forward and I hope you can commit to the path you have set yourself.

[charles]

Hi Totovar,

Keep reading the otehr stories here and keep posting. What things have helped ohters that you can apply to your own situation?

It’s an old saying – actions speak louder than words. Take the actions now that will both help you stop gambling and help to start rebuilding trust with your family.

Hopefully see you in a group soon.

[Author]

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