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Vasilis, can I gently ask why your Mother does not know about your problem? What is stopping you from telling her? Shame, fear of rejection, her anger? I have found that the more people know, the better it is for me. No secrets, no lies, no shame. I am a compulsive gambler and today I have not gambled – have some pride in that. I haven’t gambled for many years, but one of the last bets I had was when sitting in a pub on a wet afternoon, I was bored. I saw the fruit machine and thought “what harm will one or two pounds do?” And I lost that and another 10 … and then I started calculating how I could get more money and would it be okay to leave the machine while I did this, and then it hit me. I wasn’t bored any more. My head was spinning with regrets and plans and strategies – all for just £12 or so. I walked away – for once I had learnt from my gambling. Yes it does put “meaning” into my life, but at a heavy cost. Perhaps you have learnt something from your recent bet, enough to keep you gambling free for years. I do hope so.
What sometimes helps me to stay off gambling is to look at my problem like an allergy rather than an addiction. There is no shame about an allergy. People talk freely about them, in fact it is GOOD to tell people that I have a peanut allergy so don’t pass the packet to me. Like gambling, an allergy can threaten your life. Like an allergy it can be managed but not cured. Life is great if you stay away from peanuts / casinos / fruit machines … Live a life without gambling – it is possible and for those of us with this problem necessary. Go well.
I know this time of year can be a trigger for me. A combination of Christmas being a “family” time – and not having any family of my own, that can be hard. Also if I am away from work with time and head-space, I can be tempted to fill both with gambling. Hopefully as times get back to normal the urges will lessen. Well done in being gambling free and I wish you well for the years to come.
You managed over 40 days of not gambling, you can manage 40 more, then 40 more until it is 400, 4000 more …
Don’t let this setback pull you off-track. As has been said, don’t chase your losses, focus on the positive that you did stop for over a month and you can do that again and again. Know that being with friends who are likely to go to a casino is a trigger – find other friends? I know that sounds harsh, but ask any smoker and they will say being around other people that smoke is too difficult. Your recovery comes first. Is drink a trigger? You know what you need to do. Be strong, get support and don’t let this put you off. You can do this.
You wrote “who cares – I should.” Do you really care about yourself? Do you feel you are caring for yourself when you are gambling, winning, losing, searching for more money to lose, getting drunk to numb the pain. It all has to stop. You are worth more than this. If you DO care about yourself, talk to someone – a helpline, a friend you can trust. If you DO care about yourself, admit that your current behaviour isn’t working. Take stock, how can you be different. The idea of a new start was a good one, but you needed support – otherwise the pull of the Indian casino was always there. Get the support you need. Make it your priority and take GOOD care of yourself.
You said it. It’s one of the hardest truths to face. I haven’t gambled for several years but I still think … “If I had the money I would …”. When I stopped gambling I worked several jobs at the same time – partly because I needed to pay off the credit cards and partly so I would have no time to gamble. I gave up a social life, holidays, a decent car, any repairs / additions to the house that weren’t essential. I’ve been gamble free for years and I still have money worries, but I also know that they will need to be sorted WITHOUT gambling. You are hanging in there and it isn’t easy, but there is a life without gambling – challenging but worth it.
What would you be doing if you weren’t gambling? What did you give up when you started to go full on? Sport, music, work, the outdoors? That’s your way around it – by doing something that does NOT involve gambling, in any way. Also work on your recovery. Speak to people both those close to you and people who have trodden the same path. It is hard in the early days – you still have the mind of a gambler even if you are not betting. Get good support and look after yourself.
I assume you have blown money needed for bills etc. So when they are not paid your wife is going to find out. You both need to be clear with eachother. You both need to get support, you for your addiction and your wife in how to be with you. Check if there is GA Gamanon or similar in your area and make the call together. No secrets, no lies. You have a problem and both of you need to face up to it. I wish you well.
Another day without a bet. That’s an achievement. Any idea what your trigger was? Yesterday I drove to a strange town where I was due to stay overnight to break a journey. It was bleak and foggy – few people about and I had two hours to kill before I could check in. I felt uncomfortable and soon realised that this was a dangerous situation for me. I passed a bar – it had a fruit machine in. So did the warm tempting Portuguese cafe. Apart from some charity shops and hairdressers, the only places open seemed to be betting shops and arcades. I decided to go back to the car and read for a while – then I checked in early – they were fine about it. I like to think I can now be like a non-gambler, go anywhere any time. It’s days like yesterday when I realise I am still only one bet away…
If you are a compulsive gambler then the amount doesn’t matter. I knew someone who won a million and used that to gamble with. A few years of hard gambling and it had all gone. If you are staking more than you can afford, you have a problem. If you are gambling to chase losses, you have a problem. If you are gambling with someone else’s money either borrowed or stolen, you have a problem. Gambling is addictive to some of us and can only be addressed by stopping. It isn’t what a gambler wants to hear, but one day he or she will need to hear and put a stop on it. I wish you well.
You have made a start by admitting that you have a problem with gambling. You have admitted it here and you need to now see yourself as a problem gambler who needs to stop. How? Lose access to the means of gambling. That may mean admitting to your family that you are a gambler and letting them take control of your finances. It’s a big step and you will probably need support. Call GA or a similar self-help group local to you and let them talk you through it. Then keep busy. Don’t give yourself time to gamble. It is not easy to stop and it is not easy to stay stopped, but it is possible – believe me.
I hope you are okay and ready to listen to the advice you will get on here. No-one will suggest that another bet is the answer to your problem. This was all caused by gambling and cannot be cured by gambling. I can see from your post that your mind is in turmoil, should I do this or that, working out the odds – the “what ifs.” So far you have lost a pc. I lost a house through gambling. People have lost families, their liberty and sadly their lives … Walk away – find something else to keep your mind occupied and away from gambling thoughts. Pay back the $500 and see that as money well spent to keep you away from a life of misery and heartbreak.
Good to hear from you. Great that you are getting support from your family. Don’t think about having access to money at the moment. You know what you would do. New Year – new start, so what would the new you without gambling look like. What interests did you give up for gambling? Can you pick any of these up again? Find things to take you away from gambling. As yours was mainly on-line would finding things to do in the real world help? Walking is free, nature, helping others … Keep looking in and telling us how things are going. Good to hear from you.
Hello Angel. Thank you for posting, it is good to hear from others dealing with this problem. Whereabouts are you? Do you have support nearby? Hope to hear more from you soon.
100 days is quite a landmark. Keep it going. Christmas Day was always a day off for me as nothing was open. ( I was pre online betting.). Right now I am in a little cottage in the middle of nowhere listening to the ducks messing in the pond. A world away from arcades and casinos. Hope you are enjoying the break too.