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Hello Sentinel, good to hear from you at this difficult time. It sounds like you have a problem with gambling and need to stop. No more chasing losses, you need to put a line under them and find other ways to pay your debts off. This won’t be easy, you need good financial advice and lots of support. Cut yourself off from credit. Bar yourself from gambling sites and premises – put the time into your recovery that you put into gambling. Look at ways of spending time profitably to help ease the debts and give you less time to gamble with. If you have no time and no access to money then you can’t gamble.
Get good support for yourself. See if there is a group local to your area – GA or similar. Come to groups here. If you feel you can, share your story with a loved one or trusted friend, it will make the journey easier. I wish you well.
Hi Vasilis. So sorry to hear about the breakup of your relationship. This is a time to keep strong as you will be emotional and gambling is what we know when feelings get too much. I remember when my marriage ended, really wanting to go back to gambling, but somewhere in my head a voice was also saying, “you are hurting enough, don’t make it worse by gambling.”. I am so glad I listened to that voice, I don’t think I could cope with all the crap that comes with gambling anymore. Does the army provide counseling in your country? Just a thought. Keep strong and keep posting!
You have realised that you can never place another bet. Well done for that and for wanting a new life gambling free. If only just not placing bets was all there was to it.
You will need to create a whole new life for yourself, one that is without competitive sports as that is a trigger for you. That doesn’t mean you can’t challenge yourself, there are no gambling ads on hiking trails or mountainsides – but at the game or watching on TV … In some sports the players are running adverts for gambling.
You will probably need to make new friends who won’t drag you to a game. You will need a lot of support to make these changes, be that through a group like GA or counseling. If you look upon your recovery as your challenge you will feel better and better about yourself the more days you stay away from a bet.
Finally don’t chase losses. Your finances may not improve immediately and may even get worse with interest and penalties even after you stop gambling. Get good advice about debts and find ways of clearing them by other (legal) means. See that as another challenge in life that you can surmount – I wish you well in your new life.
I liked – “Looking at the positives, my heath is good, my family, my education, my job, food to eat, a home to live In. ”
I spoke to a friend of mine a few weeks before Christmas and she told me the same sort of thing. She also told me she had a headache. That headache turned out to be the beginnings of a stroke and I went to see her in hospital yesterday. She found it hard to talk to me to articulate words -but I could make out that she really hated being in hospital all over Christmas and New year – but then she survived a stroke and she is still smiling. If she can do that, I am sure we can survive this addiction. Keep strong.
If you have not been talking to anyone about your problem then I am not surprised that you have only been able to keep gambling free for a couple of weeks at a time. This is really not an addiction that you can tackle alone. I’m glad to hear that your life is better now than it was 10 years ago – but you would not be posting here if things were okay. We all define what our own rock bottom is, but I don’t think that it means that we have to wait until things are truly terrible before we get serious about stopping. We all deserve better than that. You and your family deserve better than that. I hope today is going well for you and is again gamble free. Good to hear from you!
I think everyone is apprehensive about their first GA meeting, but you will be face to face with people who will really know what you are going through. I hope it goes well for you and your ‘new you’ journey.
A week without gambling is a great achievement – well done. I see you are worried that you might forget how bad gambling is and become complacent. That is why I would urge you to open up to someone. If you forget the pain of gambling then they may be there to remind you. It doesn’t need to be everyone you know – just some who will be supportive and trusted.
It is great that you have got so many other things going on in your life. Concentrate on those things and on your recovery and you shouldn’t go far wrong. Keep strong.
And great to hear that you are one week gamble free – I know what an achievement that is in the early days. I hope you are finding the support you need. Gambling is something we do alone, even when we are in a casino or arcade, we don’t make friends with the other punters – but you need friends now. People that will look out for you. You will need to come clean about your problem to those nearest to you at some point. Being in recovery means not keeping secrets or lying about what we have done. I know it is a big step, but better now than being found out when you were gambling. Talk to people in group or at GA and get the support you need to do this. You’re doing great!
Interesting that you see gambling as a way of ‘relaxing’ when as we know it is anything but. What gambling does do, (like other addictions) is blot out what is going on for us. Does your sister know about your gambling? Could you have a talk about how difficult news could have an effect on you? If you are feeling lonely is there someone you can call – a GA contact maybe? What sort of treat can you give yourself that does not involve gambling, (or beer if that leads to gambling?). What would have been a treat before you spent time at casinos? For me it was spending more time in chat rooms talking nonsense to complete strangers who later became friends.
Good that you are cutting yourself off from the means of gambling. Having to do something extra to have money will give you time to pause and reflect about what you are going to do – time to make a phonecall maybe? Keep strong. Share with others what is going on for you and with support you can keep gamble-free.
I wonder if you know what the trigger was that pulled you back into gambling. It might help to see when you are in danger of betting again. I am retiring soon and any ideas I had of being rich in retirement are gone. But I should be debt free and able to enjoy the simple things in life. It will be enough. I wish you well.
Wow. I expect it felt good to get that off your chest, and good that you have admitted to yourself and your family that you have a problem. You talk about wanting to find a new you. A new you is a person in recovery. A new you is someone who is putting the past behind him and making a clean start. The one positive thing about my gambling is that it allowed me to find out so much more about myself, through groups and counselling and reading. Take up any and every opportunity to further your recovery. Put the effort into finding this new you that you once put into gambling. Try and get your spouse to get support as well, it will be a journey for both of you!
It sounds like you are going through a pretty tough time of it at the moment. Can you open up to someone trusted who can support you through this? If not then I can only suggest that you find a support group locally, this could be GA, a woman’s or men’s group, support for those going through a divorce … Get some good Careers Advice – if you can’t stay in your previous line of work, what will your skills allow you to do? If you can do all of these things, keeping busy will allow you less time for gambling. Please come back and let us know your progress. I wish you well.
You have taken the first step in addressing your problem by admitting it here, well done Jezi.
We have all had thoughts of ending it all – at some point when we were gambling … I think that it is a wish to end our “gambling life” and you CAN do this with support. You need to get help locally, call a helpline for GA or similar, or speak to someone in your family, or (if that is too difficult at this stage) a trusted friend.
You will at some point need to come clean with your family – no more lies – but as you construct your gamble free live there will be less and less need for them.
Right now – support is what you need – come to group meetings here – talk about what is going on for you and start to make a new gamble -free life for yourself. I wish you well.
Hello Killrst1. Well done for taking the first step and recognising that you have a problem. I recognize the endless remorse after losing money and the fight inside my head between the gambler and the abstainer, (the gambler always won.)
I know it is a difficult time within your family, but you do need to be open about your problem, especially if it is affecting them. If you can’t do this by yourself, get support from someone – a trusted friend or talk to someone on a help line locally.
This is the most critical time, first admitting to yourself, so come back and talk more or visit a group. The way to distract yourself in the early days is to put the time and effort you would have put into gambling, into your recovery instead. I wish you well.
Well done for taking the first step. That is that you have admitted to yourself and to your father that you have a problem – and that you are talking about it on here. I cannot give you any financial advice. I am still paying off debts years after my last bet. They are a reminder of who I am and that I have this illness called compulsive gambling. It is not an easy option – but I really feel that you will need to do a complete life change if you want to beat this. One of your triggers is sport and I guess you eat, drink and sleep sport – it is part of who you are – and you NEED to let go of it. If it is possible for you – try and get a complete change of your life – even if just for a short time – a sort of rehab or time away from your norm. See if there is anything available through addiction help organisations in your area. If not I suggest you put the time you would spend on watching (and betting) on sports into your recovery. Speak to people – attend meetings on-line and in real time. Watch recovery videos etc. Get support and good advice within your local area. Get a complete inventory together of what you owe and make plans as to how you can pay back, but NOT by chasing losses. Extra work will not only produce more income – it will give you less time to gamble with. I wish you well.