[jackwilson]

Your post resonates with me a lot because these are the exact feelings I’ve gone through time and time again. Trust me when I say that it does get better from here. It will require a lot of hard work but it can get better if you decide to stop gambling, one day at a time.

Good luck with your journey and look forward to seeing you on here more often.

-Jack

[jackwilson]

I haven’t gambled in 33 days. It feels good but I’m not sober. I find myself making mental bets when watching games. I find myself restless and irritable. All my barriers are in place so that will prevent me from gambling but life is not going well right now.

One day at a time is all I have.

-Jack

[jackwilson]

Hello all, I want to wish everyone on this forum a Merry Christmas and may you not gamble today as a gift to yourself.

I’m doing okay. Not great. Although I’m not technically gambling, I’m still feeling the effects of withdrawals and they are brutal. The mood swings are brutal. I just have to remember one fundamental thing: I CANNOT WIN. No matter what I do, if I’m in action, I’m going to squander my life. If I’m in action, I will lose a lot more than money. I will lose my sanity.

This is more of a pep talk for myself because I haven’t had a chance to journal in a week or so. I have thoughts of gambling and have started to check online. It’s a very dangerous slope and I’m fortunate to have GT to note down my thoughts and feelings. My barriers are in place. I cannot think about anything else.

Thank you and Merry Christmas.

-Jack Wilson

[jackwilson]

I’m not gambling, so that’s good. But nothing else in my life seems to be going right. I can’t sleep, I can’t eat. I guess this is the toll that years of gambling have done to me.

I will remain strong and not give in. Thank you for all your support and for reading. My plan is to not post as much, but I will come on here from time to time to check in. I need to remember my worst day not gambling is still better than my best day gambling.

-Jack

[jackwilson]

I’m feeling a bit anxious today. It’s around this time where the withdrawal symptoms kick in. I have my barriers in place, and I will remember that as long as I don’t gamble, it’s a good day…no matter what happens.

[jackwilson]

It feels good to leave the past behind and I was able to do that today. I’m not thinking about the losses or chasing. When that happens, I usually have a good day. I was able to wake up in the morning. I am trying my best to appreciate everything in this life because that’s all I’ve got.

Money comes and money goes. My sanity is what’s important to me. I will do my best to realize my potential.

Just a short and sweet note. This much is true. Everything else might be going badly, as long as I haven’t gambled, that’s a good day.

Last bet: 12/9/14.

[jackwilson]

I wanted to check in to see how you are doing. Please keep us posted.

Your future is as bright as you want it to be as long as you don’t gamble.

-Jack

[jackwilson]

Hi Jansdad,

I’m in the same boat as well. I don’t have any debt, all the bills are paid for and we lead very good lives. A few grand here and a few grand there didn’t really affect our joint accounts. The problem with this thought process is that I try to gamble to replace the money lost and this single realization has gotten me to gamble time and time again.

I decided that i’m not going to tell my partner, but I am also not going to chase these losses either, because I may win a bit here and there, but I will NEVER get back close to breakeven. My life wouldn’t change much even if I made back the $250,000 that I lose, however, I can still lose a lot more.

More importantly, as you noted, it’s not the money, but it’s the lost time and endless lying. I lie so much I that I can’t even keep all my lies straight. One of my goals now is to always be truthful with everything.

I’ll email you and maybe we can work on some plan. For me, I don’t think I can implement the $20,000, because technically, it’s still a “bet”. I know that if I bet $1, then I’m going to bet $100, and before I know it, I’m going to bet $10,000.

[jackwilson]

Reading your post was like reading something that I wrote myself. I would not gamble for weeks or months on end and then I get the itch that i “KNOW” this game is going to win. It’s interesting that I only remember the times when I “would’ve won” and not the times when I would’ve lost. I began taking notes of the urges, and amazingly (or expectedly), my winning rate is <50%.

Like you, years ago, I played poker. Everything would go well and I then one single bad beat, and BOOM, there goes the bankroll. It didn't matter how much money I had it in, whether $500 or $50,000, it would be gone within 48 hours.

I will email you and try to plan this out. This has been a lifetime battle for me.

-Jack

[jackwilson]

It’s been over two months and I feel the full forces of what gambling has done to me. Last night, I had a dream that I was playing blackjack in Vegas and winning a lot of money. I woke up super anxious this morning because the experience felt so real. That is also a very bad sign.

[jackwilson]

I’ve been agitated, moody, unproductive…

I know exactly what this means. The pressure cooker is on high, and usually the only way to relieve all this is to gamble. I don’t have the urge to gamble but I don’t feel well either. I know these aren’t exactly productive posts, but I just need an avenue to get things off my chest. It’s a very tough time for me right now.

I have to take responsibility for my own actions. I am also very fortunate to be where I am today. I need to get better, I will get better.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference.

Last bet: 7/30/14

[jackwilson]

It’s been a while but the urges are back in full swing. I’m thinking that I can make some of the money back. It’s causing me to be very irritable. I know that even if I deposit and win a bet, the outcome will always be the same. I CANNOT WIN in the end.

Usually what happens is that I have a feeling on a game, which I do right now. I want to tell myself that I will just make one bet and quit if I lose. I will win, and win some more and win some more. Then It’s out of control and I will lose everything, and then some. NOT GOOD. I must stay strong and will stay strong. I’m thankful that I closed all my online accounts and have no way of depositing money right now.

I’m staying strong!

Last bet: 7/30/14

[jackwilson]

Thankfully this moment has passed and I’m back in a good state. That was a close call. Phew.

Last bet: 7/30/14

[jackwilson]

Today is a struggle. I have thoughts of gambling to alleviate my anxiety, irritability and general compulsiveness. I’m going through tough withdraw symptoms where I’ve been unable to do anything productive for days. I actually had thoughts about how I’m going to withdraw money from my bank and go gamble. I’m not in a good place right now. I need to focus, and clear my head.

Last Bet: 7/30/14

[jackwilson]

Thank you for sharing your post and I’m glad you are doing so well now. I’m sure you inspire many on the boards, including myself.

[Author]

Posts