Thanks jansdad for the warm welcome. I can see your frustration. I was a big poker fan for a while and fancied myself a good player. Like you, I would play recklessly after a couple bad beats. I would curse myself for calling hands that I knew I had lost and I would call out other players for playing so badly and catching hands. I would go in with a game plan and never (or rarely) stick to it, especially if I were losing.
And that’s the addiction taking over. It’s the same thing that has turned my focus from poker to blackjack and high limit slots. It’s funny, I don’t want to play poker anymore because it is too much of a grind. It takes too long. But I’ll sit down at a slot machine for hours on end tapping a button. Addiction logic at its finest. I never plan to spend that much time and money at a casino but I always do. I’m a VIP at my go to casino. I was proud of that for a while. Now I’m embarrassed by it. Yesterday was the first time I’ve lost a vast amount of money online and it scares the hell out of me because a lot of it was on my phone.
It has to end here. I am completely deflated. I can’t focus on work, I have no appetite and I feel nauseous from self pity. I know it will be one day at a time. Just wishing I could fast forward into the future.
Thanks again for responding. I have just read your journals and have taken some real good stuff out of them. And I’ll check out that book.
