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No gambling today
It took me a long, long time to let go of my loss, Dabbers. The trouble with holding on is that we keep trying to win back what we lost. I knew I would never win it back, yet I kept trying. Then, one night a man said at a GA meeting “gamblers never win” and the proverbial penny dropped. Although I still grieve my loss, its at a different level now. I have a lot of debt but its manageable and I just pay it mechanically, one week/month at a time.
Look at the wider picture and you will realize that money is the least of our losses.
Try not to dwell on it.There is a fine line between helping and enabling.
I accept the fact that I am a CG.
I need to be aware that I am also an enabler!
Enabling is a difficult habit to break, depending on how close you are to the CG or how dependent you are on him/her for your own emotional security.
You are doing all the right things, it seems.
Providing help (in your case buying gas) when the CG should be able to handle this task without help, is in my opinion,enabling.
Good intentions often lead to misguided actions. I say this both as a CG who demanded enablement and as an enabler.
We need to reflect deeply to identify our enabling behaviour and why we do it.
If you resent your actions, do them out of fear, or carry on in the absence of appreciation I would think you are enabling, not helping the CG.
It is a complex situation . We need to weigh up the consequences of short term pain versus long term misery.
Take it one day at a time CB. You are an intelligent lady. You will learn the difference between enabling and helping as time goes on.
Enabling is not just about financing the CG. It also involves time, emotional drainage and allowing him to place the onus on you for tasks he should be taking responsibility for himself.
CGs are experts when it comes to deflection and projection.
You are making wonderful progress.
Well done!When a CG knows that their wife/partner/spouse/significant other is walking on egg shells it gives him/her free reign to push that person beyond their limits.
“That person” needs to question their codependency with the “addict”.
Being codependent means you are putty in the hand of a CG!
Read the excellent advice CB has given.Just for today I will not gamble!
I will not gamble on this “special” day.
CGS want money, not “reasons”.
We don’t operate on a rational level when we gamble.
We don’t want to hear the words we need to hear.
We have selective memories, fluctuating moods, flawed consciences and distorted thinking at every level.
“NO” is all we need to hear but it must be followed up with firm action.
I will give you a personal example. I was marooned in a casino once. Miles away. Totally wiped out. No way home. I phoned a “good friend” who “owed me one”, saying “I just need 50 for petrol PLEASE. I’m really stuck”
The answer came fast
“TOUGH”!!!!
I got the message.
When it comes to enabling, CGS are very fast learners.
We learn who NOT to ask !I think your anniversary is around this time, Larry?
Eight years, is it??
Drop in to say hello, when you get the chance.No gambling planned for today
no gambling today
I will NOT gamble!
another gamble free day
Superficial people seek friends with superficial qualities.
Many men look on money as a commodity to “purchase” women.
They usually get what they pay for.
Insecurity is common among “rich” men. This can be dealt with by one to one counselling.
It is easier to deflect our own inadequacies on to those whom we perceive as weak and vulnerable .
This trait is more subtle but equally as cruel as manipulation.
Re read your own words.
“She can get anything she wants…You can imagine how good I feel…..I have never felt so determined to step back and get out”!
I wonder how Nguyen feels ? (Well, I can make a guess!)
Why are you leading this lady on?
This site was set up to give YOU support.
How would you rate the support you’ve received so far or is this another exercise in superficial mental gymnastics?
Interestingly, Nguyen did start a thread on GT but it came to nothing.Today, I will not gamble
….or any day, CGs can’t do “controlled “bets Saun.
Just for today I have plans made to make gambling an impossibility.