[Tango74]

Hi K (and indeed everyone else)!

Fear not Kathryn, I aleays appreciate what you write and know it comes from the heart and with experience.

So, this is Day 7! Did an extra 1.5km on the bike this morning as just as I hit 10k “California Stars” by Billy Bragg and Wilco came on the radio and I started out hearing “Tempted” by Squeeze which really put a spring in my step. I wish we had stations in the UK that played this kind of music. Thankfully throught the wonder if the internet I can listen to Sun Radio in Austin, TX.

When I used to go to GA (I’ve not gone in a couple of years since we moved) I used to find it really useful just to share stuff with people, in fact in our group, we all did it, we found having a release valve for our troubles, or conversely, an audience for our good news, helped people maintain an even keel, which meant they were more settled and less prone to lapses. It wasn’t even necessarily to garner a response, it was just the ability to ‘let it out’.

It’s entirely possible once I settle down into non-gambling mode that this thread might end up a bit of a rant and rave, but I’d far rather it was that than I was ‘at it’ again.

Looking forward to wrapping up today and my first gamble-free week for over six months.

[Tango74]

Many thanks to Monica and i-did-it for your words. I know people are obviously trying to help, but often they can come across (to me at least) as preachy. The “this is how you do it” brigade. I can’t stress enough, that I know their intentions are good, but equally, there’s only so much about any situation you can know from the words written on a forum post. I always try and make sure whenever I comment on the posts of others that I make it clear am giving an opinion or an option. There is no right or wrong, it’s not black and white, but many shades of grey. You have both made me feel a lot better about my decisions and situation and as I enter day six, I am feeling oddly happy. It’s a Saturday, usually the biggest sporting day of the week, and sports were always where I was most active … and then often slots or roulette for a quick fix whilst the match was in play! Very much expecting today to be gamble-free though. Thanks again folks!

[Tango74]

Hi Alexa, I’ve been watching your thread from afar and so pleased to hear you’ve been clean for a couple of days and taken some steps with your banking to help you get some barriers between you and gambling. Keep at it!

[Tango74]

Hi dpa,

Welcome indeed and well done to take those difficult first steps. I have personally invested in an exercise bike, given I personally don’t have the time or desire to travel to the gym and work out, but from the comfort of my home I can pop on my headphones and ‘get on my bike’! I’m doing about 10k a day at the moment. For me it actually had nothing to do with stopping gambling, I had already bought it to get a bit fitter before I put a stop on my gambling this time round.

However, a lot of recovering addicts seems to get a kick from exercise, whether running or at the gym or wherever. This is probably because of the production of, amongst other things, endorphins, dopamine and serotonin. So, you are getting your mood enhancing drugs via another method.

Like everything on this site, this is personal opinion and observation and what works for one may not work for another, but it’s always worth sharing.

Hope this helps a bit?

[Tango74]

No money, ergo no gambling. Will have some money next week, albeit a minor amount, but that’d never stop me, so will see what happens.

[Tango74]

The simple reason neither my wife or father will help look after my funds is that it is a road too well travelled and they have had enough, they simply do not have the fight or interest. They have both made it very clear this is my last shot if I want a continued relationship with either of them and I have to prove I can do it for myself.

I cannot argue with you at all that this makes things a lot harder, but it does also make things a damn sight more realistic. Not gambling because you have to money is nowhere near the same as choosing not to gamble even though you have the ways and means. Because there are so many failed attempts behind me (most of which include supposedly not having access to funds – there are always payday lenders, logbook lenders etc.) this time I have to do it for myself.

[Tango74]

No money and no attempts to obtain money. A busy afternoon at work, so little time for gambling to cross my mind. The road ahead looks as daunting as ever, but I have a clear choice now, to live a gamble free life with my family or to keep gambling and live alone, debt-ridden and hounded by creditors in some kind of hovel.

[Tango74]

Hi K, thanks for your time in writing. Alas having been through the mill a number of times, there isn’t anyone left who is prepared to take control of my finances. This is a ‘sink or swim’ moment, either I sort myself out, or I am out. Patience is running very thin.

That said, here we are at Day 3 and every time I’ve thought about gambling, I’ve kicked the thoughts into the long grass. Right now, I can’t even be bothered to try and find another bookie who hasn’t yet signed up to Gamstop, which is good.

[Tango74]

Just had ‘that’ conversation with my wife. I don’t know how many times we have both gone through the pain of it, but my actions led me back again. Any semblance of trust – vanished, and shows of affection – washed way, any belief – trashed. What a horrible, horrible thing to do, and I have to realise it was entirely me that did it. I put my selfish desire to gamble above the health and wellbeing of my family. Any parts of our lives being rebuilt are torn down again.

I did explain to my wife I have no desire to split up the family, but equally we both have to consider whether splitting up would be in the best interest of the kids. If I continue to gamble (there is always a way) it would be better to properly split up, get the CSA involved and ensure they take the money at source, ensuring the kids get what they need. Such a awful way to have to look at your life, but those are the facts.

Funnily enough, the kids (and wife to some degree) have been on and on about getting a dog. I figure, if she thinks there is even a chance, I can break the cycle and is prepared once again to give it a go, perhaps after 3 months on the wagon, I should agree to it as my Christmas present to the family. Heaven knows, I have no desire whatsoever for a dog. Dirty, noisy, smelly, attention-requiring four-legged things that they are. But, I figure I owe them that. It’s just a thought for now, but it might be useful to remember why it’s there every time I see the dog?

[Tango74]

Hi konj1978,

What do you want to complain about? Have they done something illegal? In all honesty I suspect there is little that you can do. Yes, there are some instances where they have been fined because they really should have seen the obvious signs of compulsive gambling behaviour on accounts and intervened, but they are very much an exception. Unfortunately despite the nature of this illness, the onus is still very much on the gambler to take suitable steps to avoid temptation, it seems the courts are happy with the self-exclusion programmes on offer and if someone circumvents them, they believe they only have themselves to blame and that the bookies don’t need to be trying harder. I was actually excluded by one single bookmaker who picked up on my behaviour, it was quite a shock that they would have that level of moral compass.

Tell us more about your situation and maybe people can help you? Complaining is a) unlikely to get you any money back and b) even less likely to address the behaviour that got you there.

[Tango74]

Well, here we go again. Of course the radio silence of the last 3 months could have only meant one thing, I was back ‘at it’. Depsite having signed up to Gamstop I found a small private bookie who still hadn’t signed up, so I could $punk all my money away. What’s that 3 months cost me? In more financial terms the thick end of £10k, but it’s much more than that when I consider what I have done to myself and my feelings towards myself and then to my family. Once again I have essentially stolen from them to ‘have fun’. Some kind of masochist or what? It wasn’t all bad news though I did ensure my wife (yes, she’s still putting up with me) got a suitable wedding anniversary present and I paid for a holiday too, I actually felt really good about myself having been a ‘grown up’ and sorted those things out. Trouble was having been a grown up and spent money on goods and services, I couldn’t leave it at that, I had to use what was left to win it back. As it happens, initially at least, I did. I appreciate that a lot of people will say, why have you got control of your finances, and I would say, because as a compulsive gambler, it doesn’t matter whether I have or not, I will ALWAYS find a way to get the money and actually, taking it from my own earned funds is less damaging than paying payday loan rates of interest or selling family heirlooms. Suffice to say, today is Day 2 having excluded manually from the private bookies. Feeling good to not have that draw, feeling downright awful at the state I have got myself in again. I’m worn down, I can’t even bring myself to say ‘never again’ because if I did, I wouldn’t believe it. I have to put in some serious effort now to start to turn things around, I managed 51 days once, that’s only 7 weeks away, I could get double that in by Christmas. That would be a proper Christmas present. Who knows what the future will hold? For now I think I will try and be honest with myself and this forum and come back each day. Thanks for reading!

[Tango74]

I realised yesterday that not all sites registered with the Gambling Commission are yet signed up to Gamstop and I discovered an old account with £9.75 in it. I didn’t have any withdrawal methods set-up as it was a £5 free deposit from a while back. Suffice to say I played and lost, but then excluded. So, all-in-all, that makes today Day One. Also, whilst I was getting the kids ready for school this morning, I think my old username came to me in a flash, “whatami”. It’s a question I still ask. Will have a couple of hundred quid in my account today, so it’ll be good to get through the day spending it wisely – food shopping and school clothes for the kids – rather than lining a bookie’s coffers.

[Tango74]

Hi again Velvet. I hope you are keeping well? It’s been a long time. I know you were an immeasurable help to my wife back in the day and I know she’s been in touch with you recently too. I know the multi-operator self-exclusion isn’t a magic bullet and it in itself is just a well-sized barrier, but I have a genuine belief that it will be what I need to abstract myself sufficiently from gambling, that I can start to reformulate my life. The finances, the relationships, the interest in ‘doing things’, work, all of the things that suffer when the one and only thing on your mind is gambling!

In the 12 hours since I clicked that button, there have already be numerous thoughts of gambling, but then I remind myself of the big red stop sign. It’s met with just a shrug of the shoulders and an ‘oh well’, but I know only too well, that ease of dealing with it is based on the euphoria of having enacted my decision to try to quit (again) and as time passes the urges will mount. I have to face facts though having used the online and offline multi-exclusions (I have no idea how well the latter works – I have heard stories of it being next to pointless) I have truly battened down the hatches and the avenues in which to gamble are sealed off.

Now many times I have tried to be responsible with my gambling? But, as is no surprise to anyone, eventually an concept of responsible gambling will give way to chasing and higher and higher stakes until it’s all gone.

I’ve going to quit that path, for me and my family.

All the best,

Tango.

[Author]

Posts