[Steev]

I know I had a slip having been gamble free for over 3 years and I remember how devastated I was.   But it was over almost as soon as it began.  I knew what I had to do and made sure that I redoubled my efforts.  I am sure you will do the same.

If you know what the trigger was for the bet, then you will know what you have to work on – what is not working in your life right now. 

Keep strong!

[Steev]

Good to see you posting again and glad that you were able to meet your grandson at last.  That must have been really special.

I hope that your health scare is sorted quickly and proves to be nothing serious.  It is great that you have such a positive attitude about it.

I am a little excited because I have found a lovely place to stay in Scotland – in the borders, near Edinburgh – near the top end of my budget but it looks totally worth it.   Will see if it happens!

Take good care of yourself!

[Steev]

Yes – tell them you have a problem and you need to stay away from casinos  ….. for ever! 

I found it is the only way to be with people is to be up front and even then (because they don’t understand compulsive gambling) you will still get invites.  This is not the time to be half-hearted about things.  I was in the situation of being embarrased about my lack of money for a further 20 years AFTER I had stopped gambling – such were the state of my debts.  It is not a situation I would wish on anyone.  Keep strong!

[Steev]

Yes I am still working on-line although I have cut it down a bit over the last few weeks.  Mainly because I am trying to deal with my storage issues.  I have a very expensive storage unit in Sheffield and they were putting up the price again – so I started clearing out as much as possible and now I have found a new company setting up who have offered me a very good deal.  So I am not only downsizing but moving completely.  Most of the move will take place on Monday when I have a friend with a van to help me.  But currently the flat is full of “stuff to sort.”

I haven’t managed to pin down which foods are causing me problems.  I already have cut a lot out of my diet – but going gluten free didn’t work.  I am getting no help with the NHS and am wondering whether to go private – but it goes against my politics a little – quite apart from the cost.  Moving to Scotland and to a different NHS might be an answer.

So, trying to be as stress free as possible (is that possible when I am traveling again) and really looking hard at my diet seem the only ways through this.  I am determined to give it my best shot.  If I can beat gambling …

[Steev]

I have kept a journal off and on over the years.
nI am currently in the process of moving my stuff from one storage unit to another and have brought some of it to my flat to sort. One item I found was a journal from 1994!
n
nI was amazed at how much I was doing then. Not gambling, but working full-time, doing a post-grad counselling course for which I got day release but still had to put in 2 evenings a week, I was going to GA meetings regularly AND to regional and even national meetings around the country. On top of this I seemed to have a much more active social life than I have now. Later in the year I started teaching evening classes.
n
nPart- way through the journal I am writing about how I am finding hard to resist gambling – but keeping so busy has kept me from it so far. Then the entries stop.
n
nI know the story though. I crashed. I gambled again, not much, but of course I had to give up my “position” in GA and soon after I decided to leave. I had to cut my hours down at work and I was taking medication for depression. I completed my counselling course but was unable to practice for a while, until I was in a better place. I found the counselling I received invaluable.
n
nMost importantly – I began to see myself as a human being, not a human doing. It took a long time to learn to pace myself and to take time out and just be and maybe I am not fully there yet. The learning is to watch that I don’t take too much on and that as soon as I have thoughts that I might gamble – to talk to someone and not just write in a private journal. Just for today I will not gamble!

[Steev]

Both on your engagement and on the arrival of your grandchild … 6th!

Good also that you have a diagnosis on your stomach issues – I am no further forwards with mine and seem to have reached a deadend with my GPs as they are saying it is IBS as well as Diverticular but are not referring me on.  I have good days and bad days with it.   I am considering moving to Scotland before the end of the year to try and access the health service there and see if I can get any further.

Other than that I don’t really have any other news.  Just waiting out in the UK until a vacinne arrives – then hopefully I can pick up where I left off in France and move onto Spain and Portugal.  I am not letting my health problems stop me from doing that.

Be good to hear how things are going with you – but I understand if you are getting good support elsewhere.   Take good care.

[Steev]

In the beginning when I suggested GA (and others suggested AA) you said you couldn’t do this because you were from a small town in a small country without this support.
n
nNow it is 2020 and there is a virus and GA (and I am sure AA as well) have gone on-line with their meetings – so support is available from wherever you are. Please take advantage of this and go to a meeting. You don’t have to say anything (although it would be better if you could tell your story so that advice could be tailored to your needs) just listen and hopefully learn. The link is here for GA – https://gamblersinrecovery.com I wish you well.

[Steev]

It isn’t an easy ride and I have written on someone else’s post about the aeroplane analogy – that we don’t do this in a straight line but in a zig-zag, so there will be times when you feel it is not worth it, not working or just plain wrong.
n
nGet as much support as you can – the Gamblers’ Anonymous meetings are on zoom atm and so much more accessible – the link is here – https://gamblersinrecovery.com
n
nYes it would be good to hear of your progress! I wish you well.

[Steev]

I remember being there when you wrote: “I almost missed the feeling of hopelessness after losing it all. We enter survival mode, we think of how we will get money. And then the feeling of “I deserve this”. I haven’t felt like this in months but sadly I feel it won’t be the last time.”
n
nOf course it can be the last time. That is your choice. You can either give into the idea that you have the problem and all is hopeless – or you have the problem and you can fix it. It is possible to do that – I know.
n
nRedouble your efforts. Get to a GA zoom meeting – the link is here – https://gamblersinrecovery.com
nYou know what you have to do – put as much if not more effort into your recovery as you do into your gambling and you will turn things around.

[Steev]

You may have seen this idea. We think of an aeroplane as flying from point A to B in a straight line, but what actually happens is that it starts flying straight but get knocked off course by turbulence and other factors so the pilot or autopilot has to correct it. So if you were to see the true course of the plane it would look like a zig-zag from A to B.
n
nThe idea is that this what recovery is like. It is not a straight line. I lurch from having some ideas about gambling to correcting myself and getting on a better pathway, (hopefully without actually gambling.)
n
nYou have noticed another particular trigger for yourself. You have acted to stop that from going any further. You are still on your journey to a new life. I wish you well.

[Steev]

Chasing losses is to some people the definition of problem gambling. Knowing when to stop is not in our nature. We don’t want to stop – because we can’t think of anything that we would rather do with the money than have the “thrill” of another bet.
nIf you read the threads in this forum you will see what you need to do to stop gambling. Cut yourself off from places where you gamble – ban yourself, or block on-line sites as soon as you can. Cut yourself off from the access to money. No more loans – cut up your cards – carry as little money as you need for day to day life. I think it would be wise to let your family know. I know it will be difficult and you will feel ashamed – but I don’t know anyone who has managed to quit gambling alone and good family support will really help. It is possible that someone in your family can carry your finances for you until you are strong enough to resist the bets.
nIn any event you need to get good support for yourself. This link https://gamblersinrecovery.com will give you access to the times of Gamblers’ Anonymous meetings in different countries. As many of them are on zoom now – it is possible to join one on-line which may be hosted on the other side of the world. Other than that you can see if you can get counselling through your medic or a local support group.
n
nPlease don’t live in denial. It was a year’s savings. I gambled a whole house away and loans that I was still paying back 20 years later. Nip this in the bud. Do these things now. I wish you well.

[Steev]

You too Shaun … thanks for your good wishes.

[Steev]

You wrote: “The idea of attending a GA meeting in person scares me as I worry about running into people due to my profession. Maybe I should consider counselling.” At the moment – most GA meetings are online zoom meetings – so you can choose to attend one far from where you live. I am guessing you are in the US – so you could attend one in the UK – where you are unlikely to meet anyone you know. There are details of the link to meetings on the thread started by Charles in this forum.

Having said that, I would recommend counselling as well as I feel it does go deeper than attendance at GA (useful as it is) will.

I wonder if you have spoken to your husband about supporting you by handling your finances for you until you are strong enough to resist looking for outlets online. No access to money means that you cannot bet. He can get support here too via the families and friends forum and the separate support groups. I hope you can get good support for yourself and your family and can keep strong. I wish you well.

[Steev]

I have been quite ill with my stomach issues over the last few days – though feeling a little better now. It has kept me at home and I have been looking at some issues to do with compulsive gambling – including low self-esteem.
n
nI was listening to a podcast from Mark Manson – who suggests that most (not all) successful people have high self-esteem because they are successful and maybe didn’t start with it.
n
nThat made me wonder if I have low self-esteem because I was addicted to gambling – or did I develop my addiction partly because I had low self-esteem in the first place. I suspect the latter and the gambling did nothing to boost it. Maybe if I had won big!? But that was never going to happen on slot machines.
n
nI now recognise that my self-esteem goes up and down depending on what is going on in my life – and the more I achieve the better I feel about myself. Each day I go without gambling is a good day. A good day helps my self-esteem.

[Steev]

Take deep breaths … be kind to yourself.  Know that you are doing the best you can and that you will get through this.

Perhaps logging into one of the GA zoom meetings would help (see the thread started by Charles) or trying a group here … 

I know people here will be thinking of you and wishing you well!

Take good care.

[Author]

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