[Soloma]

Hi velvet 🙂
Glad to report all going well at present. He is talking more ,like when we discuss if hes had any urges ,he doesnt just say yes or no, he describes how he feels hes doing,how hes dealt with any issues. Still waiting on counscelling but that will probably be new year. He went out with his mates the other night..boys night..he took £20 (his money) and i said stay strong love, he said i will mum, i need to be able to do this…i said well love you are the only one at the end of the day who can. He texted me when he got in (wee small hours lol) and it said ‘ well i did it mum 🙂 ‘ I felt so pleased for him..hed shown himself he could go out ,have a drink and a good time and not gamble. I still feel a bit edgy when he goes out but thats ok. All his mates know what happened and not to lend to him..i was ery proud of him when he told them..it was hard for him. SO onwards and upwards in baby steps but with hope.
thank you for asking Velvet. I hope you and yours are well and looking forward to christmas .
best wishes

[Soloma]

Hi Velvet , wasnt sure whether to start a new thread or continue on original..I know now .
No ,staying away from others was just a very short term thing that i had to do just 48 hours,to regroup .

My cg is doing well, he told another friend / work colleague last night,who hed borrowed money off. He gave him back the money last night and told him the truth..it was hard for him,but I was proud of him and he said he needs to harness how bad he felt telling him, how bad he feels when he thinks about what hes done ,what he got through an the lies ..by harnessing it he feels its a weapon to beat the urges.
I dont worry every minute ,and i do have a trust in him.Obviously its not what it was before ,but in the end it is his life and his choices,I can only support ..as much as I wish I could decide for him lol 🙂 He is talking more about his hopes,his worries,his life..which is great and when we do have a discussion/chat about the gambling ,it is done respectfully and i believe honestly . I do have a guard that i know i need to keep ,in order to protect me and yes that is hard,but when I regrouped and read loads of similar stories on here, i realised what i had to do for him, an what i had to do for me .
Early days ,and yes things could go either way..but today has been a good day . Cg has not gambled in 11 days .

hope all is well with you Velvet it certainly sounds it .
🙂

[Soloma]

I like that Velvet,and I wholeheartedly agree ,even if at times it hits me with so much sadness how much my cg has gambled away ,how much I had hoped it would help his future,and of course how much he took from me and others ..it is done and no amount of wishing ,hoping praying will get it back..BUT ,what hoping,praying,wishing can do is help my cg to remove this monster from his life,to recover and go on to have a good life. His previous track record prior to all this was excellent,so if looking at the past ,that is what I should remember .

[Soloma]

Thank you Velvet . Having read this a few times now ,I’m praying I can stay strong and not enable. I feel so scared many times.. but I have support and know I’m not alone

[Soloma]

Thank you Velvet and Cathy 🙂
he has done a lot since sunday..he has told everyone that matters about what hes done..he has followed through with my suggestion to see a counsellor and has had his assessment call ,now just waiting for an appointment,this is a specilist 1-1 gambling counsellor that i found near by ,they can also help me seperately. He dreaded telling my dad but we did that last night, well i stood by as support. I have control of his money, we have talked about how much he got through, hes explained me how it grabs him and how he then gets involved in the chase,which is where obviously most of it went,and how logic goes out the window. He wants out of it , his focus his hes scared he could loose access to his son..he says that not me..so I am proud of him . BUT I am away I cannot take my eye off the ball ,like last time..im not so naivee now.
Its been draining, I had a fainting attack in hospital the other day ..but together and with help we can o this .
Its horrifying to read about all these young people in this situation..and online gambling has a lot to be crictisised for , id like to see it banned !!! a thing is only a pleasure ,fun past time when it doesnt harm people .

Cathy Im so pleased to hear your cg has achieved 11 months , that is very positive . and a credit to you both .
Thank you both for being there, it is a great help knowng there is somewhere i can go for support and understanding of this horrible thing.

love
Soloma

[Soloma]

I too am a mum to a 23 _24 year old cg . I have read this thread and nodded my head . He is starting to get things in place to hopefully help him. I too naively thought his gambling I found out about 18 months ago was sorted, I now know it isn’t. You all know the feelings ,thoughts, so I’m not going to write those here. What I want to ask because it is what I worry about..how do I know what he says is not a lie,a cover up. This to me is the hardest part of this journey,it is our natural reaction to trust and believe ,but when it’s been damaged like this ,how do we know .
I hope all of you are doing well and healing

[Soloma]

Thanks velvet , I have set an alarm for Tuesday session 🙂 like all families of cgs I want to support him but this time I want to be better prepared and more watchful . It’s so draining . Catch you Tuesday ,

[Soloma]

Thank you, it’s being a hard day today . I was up most of the night crying ,easy to see with hindsight. He’s 23 and been through a few major life events ,which probably haven’t helped this addiction. We’ve just been through how much inheritance he’s got left..nothing..how much debt loads ..and even as we sat listing them he still lied..is he broken enough ? God I hope so..am I ? Yes,I don’t want to sell up and leave him to struggle on his own ..he needs a roof over his head ..but if I have to I guess I would. I’ve tried to stay calm ,through tears,I said did he want me to take charge of his money coming in he said yes. I have suggested he gets help ,I said why doesn’t he see his gp and get to see a counsellor. His brother has been here helping. It breaks my home heart to see him like this ,hating himself, I have so many emotions . I don’t know if I’m strong enough to do this,to do tough love , but financially I can’t help him even if I want to so maybe that’s a good thing. If I sell up pay for a deposit and months rent for him and then leave him to it so to speak ,I’d feel like I was abandoning him, I just don’t know how to help him or trust him . I love him so much

[Author]

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