[Shirley]

My son was 12 when his sister was killed we both were the last to see her when she left the house never to come home, yes he did have counselling through school I also had input as to what he spoke about and basically he said he had to be strong for his mum and dad I did feel he had dealt with his grief yet that was only as a child since adulthood 4 years ago he had a crash in his work van thankfully he was ok and was just weather conditions no one else involved he did say when the van turned over al his thoughts went to what his sister must have gone through I must admit the counsellor I had through break even did say she felt his stemmed from grief with what I told her.. he also had CBT through work where he said he did discuss everything including his sister I know there has to be a root to why this escalated as it has and he has agreed more counselling privately with a counsellor who deals with gambling I did speak to the helpline for advice and was told more counselling I found one local she actually works for break even where he went for his last counselling and knew the lady he had previously seen although she offered advice they didn’t really look into why and what triggers the relapses he’s had also told him to maybe keep a diary of each day he is gamble free I read a lot of posts where this has helped he has said he needs to be more proactive in filling his free time so from today we will see, he has a counselling session Thursday I’m hoping this gets him on the road to recovery I’ve also looked I to residential as he went to a retreat for 4 days last year which has cured his anxiety so I know this could be where we go if this current counselling is not enough he has agreed to me holding his card again he also called the bank and arranged to totally remove overdraft facility whilst I’m writing this he has told me he will get receipts for everything he spends as he is ready for this to end!! I really do hope so
Thanks for your input I will keep updated here

[Shirley]

Thank you velvet I have just read your reply also I just got a call from my son whose at work he is 26 by the way he owned up to spending £300 on the card that I gave him Tuesday night yet another overdraft which he unlocked on the card! I knew he had been gambling but as I had said previously I’m not getting into an argument with him… when I spoke to him this morning he says he’s sick of feeling like this and he needs help I did ask him if he had actually had been to the counselling he had recently and he assures me he has even suggested I call them… I did suggest maybe a residential would be best for him because this has got to stop he’s going through buying a house And to be honest I want him to have this house he earns enough money to support himself as long as I’m controlling his money which he will have to accept he can go ahead with the purchase as he is at work I’ve told him to concentrate on working today and we will discuss this more tonight when he gets home I’ve had the usual I’m sorry mum for putting you through this yet again as for me and my husband now we do both support each other and agree with the way forward for him I’m not going to let it affect my relationship I will never just walk away as I already have one daughter that I lost in a car crash 14 years ago I’m not prepared to lose my son and as hard as it is I will always be there for him and do whatever I can to getting back on track thank you once again I will keep you updated

[Shirley]

Thank you for the reply I k ow I’m right in my thinking and you have just clarified it. This time of year he had a lot
Of free time as he works on a summer rota meaning he gets lots of rest days my thinking is he gets bored other than watching TV going cinema with his father or gaming in his room he does nothing to fulfill his free time he has been told by his counsellor he has to keep busy as this could be the trigger he has been given all the tools yet he chooses not to use them! Time and time again I say the same thing and he agrees he needs to do more yet never does!! Only last night he broke down at stealing last week from his dads wallet I don’t react to this as later the evening he went out with a so called work colleague to do play darts said he needed money and as he continually asks for a card I gave him back his debit card that I added £20 he already had 4.95 so this made a total of just under £25 I did say get receipts or show me the app with the amount you spent this way we will start believing you again anyhow he came home after 11pm seeing he went out 6pm I know he had probably gambled I did ask him if he had any money left last night and he said yes I said well show me to which he said I’m tired so this really tells me he has been nice again gambled I’m at a loss as to how you can stop slot machine addiction when they’re everywhere pubs restaurants of course he has to avoid these places but being single it’s a place where most people go and meet up I know he probably did meet this guy for a while then instead of coming home went to one of the pubs he uses I did say to him are you not embarrassed about walking into a pub just to play slots he did say he was!! At least he went to work as in the past he has always made out he was ill through guilt I think this being he doesn’t sleep I don’t feel he totally wants to give up gambling as with all the help he’s had in the past still hasn’t made much of a difference admittedly he hasn’t got payday loans again I am hoping he does get this house and moves out as why he is living under my roof I see the addictive side as well and get all the stories and lies he admitted last week was a total lie when he had told me he was seeing a girl whenever he goes out it’s always 20-30 pounds he needs yet if he goes out with his brother in law he can have £20 and come back with change which I don’t have to ask to see obviously because gambling is his secret addiction he said he has been on this website online chat but this seems only when we have an argument over his lies! Do you think him having this debit card is the right way for him he did have an overdraft on it in february this being why he handed it back to me! He has had that remains bed I actually saw the message he sent saying he had a gambling addiction and the reply it had been removed sorry about this long post just I really am at a loss of what else to do

[Shirley]

I really feel for you as a mum of an addict my sons escalated from having a big win!  He’s now having counselin Again as he’s had so many relapses he earns good wages has a good career so it’s not for the money! This past relapse he stole

money from my purse only £20 but he should never have done this! I threatened to report him as stealing from me if he didn’t sought help again I have all his cards and the access to his accounts all he has now is cash I do feel I have a child again but if it helps get him out of the habit then I will to stop  him throwing all of it away! I’m not sure he will ever recover totally he says he doesn’t want to do it but continually relapses when I think he’s doing good and let him have a card again!! His counselling can only help him if he’s totally honest with her which I’m not 100% assured he is they make you suspicious of everything!!

I’ve had counselling my self which has helped me in my life as we must take care of ourselves and not feel it is our fault 

[Shirley]

My son has banned himself from betting establishments that he frequented but his downfall is slot
Machines and they’re everywhere pubs restaurants he says he doesn’t need to do this when he’s with others it’s someth he does alone it’s a very lonely Life he doesn’t feel he needs more counselling but reading so many posts you cannot do this on your own you need help

[Shirley]

Thank you for your input I think I need to clear up a few things when I say my son is not angry I didn’t mean he was in any way harmful to me or his father it’s just his attitude changes when he’s been gambling and he’s quite abrupt as he realises I know the signs … also when I say I paid the overdraft I should have said this was with his money as I am the one who accesses his main bank account he has no passwords etc I’ve been managing it now for a little over a year now his wages and all bills are paid through this account hence how I have managed to save quite a bit of money for him.. he has no access whatsoever to this account now ..he opened another bank account this is where I add money he needs from his main account  and the one he got an overdraft from (i have seen the messages from the bank that this service is now deleted on his account he did say he has a gambling problem when he asked for it to be removed) I don’t give him money at all I learnt this from telephone counselling I had last year… this past relapse was the most amount of money in one go for a good few months every time he relapses he can’t work the next day as he feels physically ill as he has not slept this has happened on quite a few occasions.. once he has owned up he then feels guilt over what he’s done and as much as he’s  put the physical actions to stop he’s not dealing with the mental part of why he keeps doing it I find it hard to understand as he doesn’t know what triggers it therefore I feel he needs face to face counselling again which he has been offered the last time he went in September 2018. For if he’s not dealing with why he’s relapsing how can he ever recover? He says he’s angry that he’s done it again and doesn’t want to do it again so he needs to address why a year on he is still getting the urge to gamble yet he’s adamant he doesn’t need the counselling something I can’t make him do!  he has this app and says he has read a lot I’m hoping this will help in the long term and eventually in him gaining responsibility once again for his own finances something I really can’t see a time when he can be trusted!!

[Author]

Posts