[Semaj]

Hi I won a new life, I’m glad to hear that you have been able to stay clean. Hope to hear more about your experiences here. It will definitely go a long way to helping everyone here, me included.

[Semaj]

Hi JK, I hope I will be able to summon the same strength and willpower as you did, and finally go clean. I have not put any blocks or external measures in place as well, because I want to be able to stop on my own power. This may actually be the hardest route to recovery, but I also believe this to be the most effective and rewarding. Perhaps some may say i am taking a ‘gamble’ on the strength of my own willpower, but i want to eventually be able to say that I quit before I wanted to, and not because I couldn’t bet anymore.

[Semaj]

Hi I-did-it, congratulations on being clean for 4 weeks! I hope to be able to follow in your footsteps and finally stay clean and quit this disgusting habit. What you said in your previous post resonated with me. Part of the reason I started gambling was to get ahead in life and catch-up to my more successful peers. Little did i know i was setting myself up for a fall. I hope that, with time, I will be able to glue the pieces of my life back together as well.

[Semaj]

I am glad you have decided to share your experience here. I think we can all draw strength from each others’ road to recovery. Every successful recovery serves as an inspiration to the rest of us, and shows us that it is possible to break free from this addiction. I hope you will be able to overcome your financial difficulties and rebuild. Let us all rebuild our lives together 🙂

[Semaj]

I knew that the road to recovery was going to be tough, but I never knew I was in so deep. Just three days after I ‘resolved’ to quit, i relapsed. That’s another 2k down the drain, and my loss has increased to 6k. But i’m still resolved to stop.

My biggest hurdle is, and always has been, thinking about what I could have done with the money I lost. Even worse is thinking about the time I won 10k and what I could have done with THAT money. I recouped all my losses before, so who’s to say I can’t do it again, plus some? But then again, perhaps I was just lucky that time, and if I try to win back my money this time round, I might just end up deeper than just the 12k i lost previously. I may lose all my savings, my house and my family.

Because afterall, I’ve learnt that a compulsive gambling never really ‘wins’ before a compulsive gambler never stops until he has lost everything. And I don’t want to lose everything. It’s just so hard to stop! But that eventuality makes me want to stop. I have a beautiful home and a beautiful wife. I still have a stable job and savings. I still have this condition under wraps, so all that’s stopping me from salvaging this situation is…. me.

I want to stop. I will stop. I must stop. Instead of chasing my losses and thinking about recouping, I will remind myself that money isn’t everything, and it definitely isn’t the secret to happiness. It’s just money. Besides, 6k is a cheap price to pay for a first class education cum life lesson. It’s like I paid 6k for a Degree in the Dangerous of Gambling Addiction, heh. But if what everyone says is true, time will erode this guilt. And I will use what’s left of it to be a better husband, and to help others going through the same struggle. I will learn from this experience to start saving and investing properly for the future.

But for now, one day at a time. I hope I have courage to overcome this.

[Semaj]

Hi Jay2K, i know what you mean. My poison is also football gambling, and I have been caught up in it for the past 4 months. The obsession is very real, and unfortunately, extremely hard to break away from.

And you are right to suspect that you might just be gambling for the thrill of it. A study by one of the world’s leading experts in addiction has said that gambling is not a failure of will, but a brain disorder. You can watch BBC’s short interview with him here: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BF5SzIN63w8

I have recently restarted my journey to recovery, and I hope we will both succeed. There are many people on this forum who have gone through similiar and also much worse situations, and I hope their journeys will help you kick this addiction for good. Hang in there!

[Semaj]

Thanks for your advice and for checking in Laura and Paul. I’ve managed to stave off the urge to gamble. I realised yesterday that i only have about 1k left in my account after paying off the recent bills, and that helped keep me clean and off gambling. The next big test will be when my salary and year end bonus gets credited next week, but I feel I should be able to stay clean.

I can feel my head clearing a little, and able to focus better on other interests and keeping my mind off gambling. Sure hopes this persists.

[Semaj]

Day 3 of my restart and withdrawal starts to kick in. Began some introspection after reading some posts and realised that my CG began a few months after being diagnosed with depression which stemmed from a mixture of work and family issues. Not sure if theres a relation though. Ive also been drinking nightly for the past few months so that I could stay asleep thru the night. I know it’s unhealthy, and on retrospect, drinking made me gamble more recklessly while I still gambled. But these days it helps take my mind off it and the worry of money problems. Gotten keep the drinking in check eventually. Least it’s been another clean day. ODAAT.

[Semaj]

Hi Jacquespaul, glad to hear you’re feeling better and more clear minded now. Let’s all move towards a better life together . Hang in there!!

[Semaj]

Hi Jacquespaul, thank you for the timely reminder. I always think it wouldn’t happen to me either. I tot i won’t lose as long as I made carefully calculated bets, n only betted on the sure-win matches. If only that were true. I will work towards living a free live. Thank you Jacquespaul, and I hope u make a speedy recovery as well.

[Semaj]

Hi Kin, thank you for the advice, insightful parable and autobiography of an addict. I believe I have just passed chapter 3, and I desperately want to move on to chapters 4 and 5.

What you’ve said makes a lot of sense, and is something that is true to me. I wait for the perfect matches to come; I’ve done it before and won, so what could go wrong? I suppose the answer is everything because, as you’ve said, he truth is that I’ll always lose. Sooner or later, I always lose . I’ll take your advice to heart. I only need to stop gambling today. Tomorrow I do the same. ODAAT.

[Semaj]

Tks for your msg Jacquespaul. I will def look into the software. I do hope you get better soon. I am trying to turn my life around, and i believe all the advice and encouragement I receive here will help. Let’s all do this together.

[Semaj]

Hi Laura, tks for your advice. It was really the same for me. I started out with bets of 50 , then 100, 500, and now 1k to 2k without even hesitating. I’m willing to try again and I’ll succeed this time. Just gotta take it one day at a time.

[Semaj]

Thanks for your advice i-did-it. I think you’re right that it’s hard not to chase the losses when I’ve savings to tap on, but you’re also spot on that if stopped now, I could have my savings up again. The hardest bit for me was thinking what I could have done with the 12k I lost. But these days, I try to think about what I still can do with the money I have, and how I wouldn’t be able to do all that if I simply gambled it away. There’s still time to stop. Just need to take it one day at a time.

[Semaj]

I got sucked right back in on Day 5. One promising bet that won me 1k was enough to send me down the rabbit hole once again. I won, but at the same time it felt like i lost. For some reason, i felt sick in the stomach even though i won. Over the past few days, i re-lived the euphroia of winning and the sickening low of losses from unexpected results. As of today, my total losses are 12k. It’s 2k more than when i first came here, but at this point i’ve become so desensitised i don’t feel the pain. And this scares me.

When I won over the past few days, i felt like i could keep going forever, and i felt oblighted to keep going. Sometimes i think that, subconsciously, i actually want to lose. It felt like my objective was to gamble until I lost it everything instead of winning. It’s like I ‘wanted’ to lose so that i could finally stop. So that i could finally rest.

I start again today. I skipped tonight’s string of matches. One day at a time.

[Author]

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