[sarahluna88]

I’ve tried a little experiment the a few days ago.. I left about 100€ on my bank account to test how it feels. My normal behavior in this situations has been to use it for slots in the next weak moment, or most time i’ve planned to use it. I’ll try to keep it this time, and watch myself what feelings might come and go.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by sarahluna88.

[sarahluna88]

Very good perspective on putting away access to money is just making payday one day in month, thank you for this input 😊. Patterns of behavior over jears in life needed to be deprogrammed in my software (my brain).
Since i’m writing in this forum, my daily behavior also has changed a bit. I’m less consuming entertainment like streams on YouTube or things like that. And i’m more thinking about me and reality. I’m also feeling a little bit better and more motivated. Thanks to all of you here.

[sarahluna88]

Thank you for your response. I’ll do that. To write here helped me really a lot. I’ll try to meet the groups in the right time Uk/Austria is one hour different i saw last thursday 🙄. I’m happy to meet you there.

[sarahluna88]

In german language addiction means “sucht” an addicted person is a “süchtiger”- the word “sucht” is nearly the same like “suche” but suche means to search something. Its an interesting connection between theese words.

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by sarahluna88.

[sarahluna88]

👍

We live in this moment, and one minute later its this moment again. Past and future are concepts in which we think, but living is always this moment. Most people think more in the past or what they might do in future, or what future will bring. And forget about the only real state of living in which they are really live. The moment. Now is the time to live, and love. We dont know how long we might live, a friend of my brother died last week at age 29, in an accident at work. Its so important to be who you really want to be, now, not later.
There is nothing to loose, just to win. We need to allow ourselfes to be free.
I’m happy to watch your decicion to make a cut and start a new topic

[sarahluna88]

Or might it be destiny what your childhood includes on trauma. When I see what one big trauma can do to your personality, it can change your way of living.
And the only chance you’ll have, is to process it over jears, in therapy if possible, or on your own.
But it might always take jears. And a lot of traumaticed people think, its theire own fault that they arent able to live a normal healthy life.

The problem is, that they never learnd to love themselfes. Cause parents had’nt been able to care in the right way. Parents like that might be not always bad people, but they have theire own trauma, what they were struggling with. It seems to be a trauma circle over generations.

The only way to stop this circle, is to recognice that you have always been a worthful human beeing, which just came (born) into very difficult circumstances of life.
There is no guilt of a child in anyway.
What helped me here also, was the perspective change into a higher position. A spiritual perspective.
Maybe our soul comes to this world, more than one time?
And maybe in my last life i’ve already had that parents who cared in the right way (?).. and what if my soul wants to see every possible aspect of beeing human?
This perspective on life makes the harder expiriences less harder. Cause it might be just a part of a very long story back to god- the center, the beginning and end of all living.
The question of guilt is the wrong approach, i think.
Better looking for solutions, accept the past.
Cause you’ll never can change it afterwards.
Create a picture of the best version of your self, and try to become that person,
step by step. You can give your self the absolotuion to be free from all bad behavior, when you learn to love and care for yourself.
Addiction is self destruction, self destruction just happens without enough love for me and myself. It’s ok how it is, it can become good in the future- if I create it.

[sarahluna88]

A few minutes ago i saw a girl, same like i was about 20 jears ago. She wants to leave her moms house and went out in own flat. I did that at age 16, my mom payed that flat with dads money. But that was truely the last thing i wanted at this time. It was a teenage protest wich was one of the last trys to encourage my mom to take care for me. But it didnt work. I know the first day in this flat, i was sitting on the ground so terrible crying, cause my mom let me live in this terrible house without looking on me. My drug use expolded at this time, until i took so much magic mushrooms that i got into a total psychotic state of mind. But non of that helpd me at that time, with what i truely wanted, that my parents take care of me. That never happend in the way i needed. Its hard to care for yourself when you dont learn it from your parents. I saw in this girl the same kind of feelings, she doesnt like to leave, but she sees no other way. Is there a way to prevent trauma as a child?

[sarahluna88]

I’d be happy to talk about you and your situation. No quest of life might be so big that there wont be a way out of it. One thing I’m also sure about- life gives you just that kind of quests, which you might have the inner potencial to get through it. Hope you come back and reply

(Quest is meant in sence of gaming, like task, I’m not sure if the use is right, but task sounds like “taskforce” in my head, which also doesnt feels right)

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by sarahluna88.
• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by sarahluna88.

[sarahluna88]

I know your situation so well. I self excluded me by nearly 300 casinos worldwide. Until i played on russian sites cause nothing else was left. I know your fear to talk to your girlfriend about it.
I had hide this problem over 5 jears completly from my boyfriend.

Until i diceded in one morning when i woke up and was instantly crying, that i tell him about it. It was no concious decicion, it was uncouncios in the desprerate state of crying.
I took my phone and wrote the whole story down with all details and sent it to him without reading once again.
He was very sad about the fact that i hadnt come earlier to him with this. Since this time, our relationship is much more real and intensive.
When youre hiding something, your partner will feel it. Maybe not concious but unconcios. Especially when its a woman.
Ask your self whats better, be authentic and show who you are, or building an illusion for her.

To stand your ground and putting off your masks, will give you the strengh to start in a new direction.
When you would live a honest life, you need to take that risk. In case she might leave you after all that, she might also not love you enough. But then this relationship might end in every other case sooner or later.
I think its probably more realistic that she stays by youre side, when you really do your best to fight against the problem and look out for solutions.
One thing that helps me, is to give my money away or block the online pay function of my card,
but you can still get paysafe cards in supermarket (🙄🤔 oh i know this so well..)
But you will feel whats to do when you are really honest to your self. I hope you do well. My best wishes, thanks for reading

[sarahluna88]

I really wonder where kin has gone.. ?

[sarahluna88]

Picture of two possible ways

A.)
After 15 jears gambling i’ve went on with it the whole rest of my life. I’m 68 jears old now, and i’m living in a little flat. I’m feeling devastetad. Why did I do all that to myself?
Why i wasnt been able to care for myself?
Its never to late to make a change, but i really doubt i can do this kind of change.
All this beautiful dreams of life i’ve had, theire all destroid by the destructive part of myself.

Cause I’ve always lied to myself with thinking “next month I really quit gambling” after I smashed my plan from last month, quitting gambling next month.

So the months went on, got into jears and into nearly five decades of self destruction. What can i say at the end of this life?
I really know what it’s ment to be an addict. But should this knowlege be the only real topic on which i got an expert?
I wish i could go back in time and tell my jounger self that it has to stop. Still stop now. To stop now would be the greatest Jackpot of life. And prevent this terrible summary of wrong choices over a whole lifetime.

B.)
I’m really proud of quitting gamble in my middle 30’s. It’s been the most life-changing chioce i’ve ever made.
In my younger jears of life i’ve learnd a lot of what it’s ment to be an addict. About freedom and discipline, and how these two things necessiate each other.

All I’ve ever wanted was real true freedom. The jounger version of myself thought, freedom means you can do what you will every time you will. But that’s a big fallacy.

Without having the discipline and the right mindset to care for yourself, you’ll get in to deep trouble.
And if no one’s arround you who know’s you and has the will and time to help you out, you’ll end possibly as an addict like i did.

To realice the importance of discipline in all daily life situations, gave me the empowerment to free myself, into true freedom.

I recogniced that I must be this person who helps me out of that. Freedom doesnt mean to do every unhealthy thing you like, cause it gives you instant good feelings- no, especially it doesnt mean that.

Freedom means to be a master of own life, and thankfully care that life. Love myself, dont destroy myself.
Don’t gamble with health and money, which is needed in this world to create a fine way of living.

I always dreamed of a world without money, where all people help each other.
But at this time in which i’m living (if like it or not) money is needed. I can accept reality, or run against the same walls i did over jears.
Cause I never cared about having money, and did all that stupid things to throw my money out of the next window. I’m happy that my jounger self decided one moment in time, to end this. Thank you 👍

[sarahluna88]

Wiriting my thoughts seems a good method to reflect my self, and to see myself from outside, from a higher perspective. I’m in therapy for addiction now about 5 jears, i wonder why my therapist never told me, that this might help.
Another good idea i found, is “to draw two possible pictures of my future” one side with what might be the way of life without gambling, and on the other side what it would be when i go on with it like i did the last 15 jears. To remind my self on the possible future helps me to understand that it needs to take a lot of small steps to create a new life, and many single small decicions against every thought which makes me want gamble. Maybe these steps aren’t as small as they might look like. Maybe their’e the biggest steps ive made in my whole life.

[sarahluna88]

I saved my text and put it into my own topic. Down is the copy of it.
I think addiction and seeking of spiritual sence is often next to each other. When you get away from your addiction there is often a big black hole in you, wahts needed to be filled with something else, something worthfull with meaning. For some people it might be sport, that helps a lot, but for a lot of us it might be not enough. Looking for a deeper sence in life might give the strengh to go on. For me this posting is absolutly not “inappropriate content”. Sence of life sticks together with addiction, in my picture of life. Its absolutly ok when somebody else doesnt think this way. I also found a lot of things here which i might not agree for me in my life, but i never would mind that. This should be a “journal section” where people can write down their thoughts- but with walls in my head, of what is allowed to think and write, its impossible to write again.

》》》This reply has been reported for inappropriate content.《《《

One thing about god.. most time of my life i was thinking about god and why we are might be here in this world.
About one aspect i’m really sure, god is in you and always with you. To be with god doesnt mean to make no mistakes. God gives you the free will to make your mistakes and to learn from them. Thats true and real sence of love. Let someone the free decicion, to go away from you- and come back when the time is right again.
A spiritual teacher told me once this sentence “we are sprit, making a human-earth-expirience”
Thats what it’s all about. Spirit, our soul, which wants to explore all the diffrent aspects of life and reality. In this concept of thinking, there might be reincarnation- without that it might make no sence.

[sarahluna88]

I’ve seen that my post about “god” has been reported as “inappropriate content”.. 🤔🤔🤔

I’ve read a few posts with content about seeking god and things like that.
Can i get an answer what is so wrong about mine?

• This reply was modified 1 year, 7 months ago by sarahluna88.

[sarahluna88]

Thank you. You’re absolutly right with your words. If you like, i’d be very happy if you remind me on that. To take care when the dangerous times come every month. Until the last jears i gave my boyfriend 50% of my money every month that he puts it away from me, that the damage is not so big that it would ruin me completly. But i’d like to have all my money safe in future. Yaeh, you said really true words- dont put yourself in danger. I’ll tell myself as a mantra from now on. Thank you 👍

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