[riverdaleboy]

Thank you bobobaldy for your encouraging post. I am finding the wait for a bed space very difficult. The past couple of weeks have been up and down for me. Some days I feel strong and determined but I have had also some bad days when the gambling urge feels like a fluttering in my heart which is really hard to shake off. What worries me most is that if I had some money in my pocket those urges would get the better of me because apart from this forum there is nobody around me giving me any support, quite the opposite in fact I feel that they are mocking my efforts to break this demon in me. I hope that Brokelad is doing better than I am because I am suffering a bit at the moment.

[riverdaleboy]

Just a quick note to enquire how you are doing. I myself have had a couple of relapses since the New year and feel quite ashamed of myself. I hope you are doing well in your quest for a better and gamble free life, please stay in touch and let me know how you are.

[riverdaleboy]

It might have sounded like I was overcoming it but I had a minor relapse over the weekend and feel really ashamed of myself. The urges to gamble are overwhelming sometimes but with determination and willpower anything is possible, I have lived with this demon for far too long and know the power it has over me. One step and a time my friend and stay focussed because your quality of life is so important not just to you but also your loved ones that suffer with you this awful addiction. Just be angry with all the fat cats that are taking your money with a big smile on their face and a huge bank balance.

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you for your words of wisdom vera. I must admit I felt that I had let myself and a lot of other people down when I had my little relapse. Perhaps I was just kidding myself that I could remain in control but losing is losing in more ways than just financial. I woke up this morning with a new sense of determination and will use that to move forward. I will keep posting as I said with complete honesty and with a little help I will conquer this mental drug that affects me.

[riverdaleboy]

I read your story and was deeply saddened by it. I have been through the same situation many times. I remember walking through the town a couple of years ago realising that I could buy anything that I wanted because I had just banked a big win but guess what within a week I was penniless again because I tried to win even more. The sense of loss was overwhelming and as you say sleep became a problem and I was angry with myself for a long time. This is an awful situation to get ourselves in and the only way to beat it is to stop chasing dreams and live on what we have. Good luck in the future and just convince yourself that gambling is a fools game with very few winners.

[riverdaleboy]

I feel very disappointed with myself for having a few small wagers but then again I lost them all and that was a good lesson in itself. The difference this time is that I did not chase my losses and I don’t think that I have managed that before. This is a long road I do realise that but my determination is strong and if I can keep posting and chatting with other gamblers I will beat it. Obviously I shall need some professional help because I have been through these phases before and failed however I have never admitted I had a problem until last September when I contacted Gordon Moody so there must be light at the end of this dark tunnel for me.

[riverdaleboy]

ok here is my latest situation I have had my last session with my therapist and I am convinced that long term I can do this gamble free lifestyle with some help. The past few days have been difficult because I have had access to some money, however apart from a few small wagers I have not felt that I have lost control this time around Normally I would have gone the whole hog and been broke by now but I have been pretty positive and just fed my addiction with a few low bets I am not kidding myself yet that I have this under control and would rather have not gambled at all but one step at a time is it not I have a deep admiration for anyone that can stop completely and hopefully I can achieve that very soon but until that point I shall keep myself in check and report on this forum with complete honesty something I have not managed for most of my life

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you female g for your comments As you say I have had this problem for many years now and it has caused me untold misery and it took some courage to admit to myself that I needed help because I could not bring it under control. I have put as many barriers as I can in place including self exclusion and closing various accounts but the temptation still lives with me constantly. I do not understand why I have not learnt by my mistakes but it feels like a burning in my chest when I force myself to stop or have to give up because I simply run out of money. I am very determined that 2016 will be different so I can start to enjoy life again. I shall keep posting to let you know my progress.

[riverdaleboy]

I read your comments and was inspired to really make 2016 the year that I change my life. This problem has been with me for over 40 years and if I do not succeed this year then it will never happen. I check the forum every day and it helps me to understand that other people are in the same position that I am and that helps me a lot. I shall certainly be here this time next year and hopefully with a good story to tell.

[riverdaleboy]

Thank you vera for your kind words, I fully understand what you are saying about being self deprecating but I was only really protecting myself from the fear of failure because I know how weak I can be. Great to hear you had the willpower to say no when the urge hit you that must be progress I hope I can emulate your achievements. Have a great gamble free 2016 and thanks again for posting.

[riverdaleboy]

Hi Brokelad well its January 3rd now and I don’t know about you but I have been gamble free for a little while now. Of course it has helped me being skint anyway so it took away the opportunity. I hope you are doing well yourself, let us really make this work in 2016 because I think we both need a clean start.

[riverdaleboy]

Well here I am on January 3rd and I have not gambled this year. I know I am kidding myself in some ways because I have not had any money to gamble with. However I am feeling positive now and after reading several posts on here I finally feel as if I am not alone which has helped me enormously. I wish everyone a gamble free New Year and intend to keep this thread going to let you know how I progress.

[riverdaleboy]

I have read through all that you have written maverick and know exactly how you feel. I have been gambling since my early twenties and have after 40 odd years still not learnt a damn thing. The difference between us is that I have ruined two marriages and virtually lost my seven wonderful children. I have nowhere I can call my own and have been sleeping on sofas for years. Iam now waiting for a bed at Gordon Moody and it cannot happen quickly enough for me because I am at rock bottom. I don’t understand why I gamble but know that it has controlled my life for too long and I must overcome this gambling cancer soon. I wish you all the luck in the world my friend because just by being here and expressing your feelings will be a great help for both of us. Let us both have a happier year in 2016, I wish you and your family peace and prosperity in the coming year but that depends on you and I am sure you are aware of that.

[riverdaleboy]

I too was told 3 months so it is quite possible we will meet up at some point. In the meantime we can keep in touch on a regular basis and help each other through this. I just tell myself each day that I am one step nearer. Of course it helps to have no money and the tough test will be when I have but I am confident that I can do this.

[riverdaleboy]

Hi Brokelad, I find that just reading other peoples stories is helpful to me because I had the feeling before I joined that I was very alone in my addiction. I don’t know about you but my family have virtually stopped talking to me now because of the lies and deciet I have put them through over the years and as for friends they just melted away fed up with lending me money no doubt. I too struggle with the urges to gamble every day but I keep a record of everything now

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