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  • in reply to: I need advice and help #52799
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    Participant

    You have a very good point. It would be easier i was unable to access the sites due to something like gamblock. I just had a look into it though and it costs money. Do you know if theres any that are free? 

    Gamblock actually looked perfect and i went to download it and then realized i have to pay for it, i have quite a few things i have to pay for in the next few weeks which should already have been paid but ive been losing all my money so really need to get it done. So i dont think i can afford to waste money on an app, which is ironic since ive been fine with wasting it on gambling. Have you been paying for your gamban?

    in reply to: I need advice and help #52797
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    Participant

    It ended up taking a turn for the worst. I tried to go to bed after the message i wrote, couldnt sleeo because my mind kept thinking about how disappointed i was for losing 100$. I ended up going on the hunt to find another site, found one with games that im familiar with and just like you said, i wasnt even sure if i was going to be able to cash out but i was just glad they would take my money. 

    I blew my entire pay check once again in less than half an hour. Kept depositing 100$ each time to make the money back and making bullshit excuses to myself for why to keep depositing. Did it over and over and over till my account was cleaned out. Then i definitely couldnt sleep and am just finishing a 12 hour shift at work now after having 30mins sleep before. Been in a decent mood today though since ive been busy and i know where i went wrong. No more watching videos of gambling, no more “little” deposits as im just going to end up trying to make it back no matter how small the loss is.

    Also i checked out the gamban thing and looked at the list of sites it blocks but every site ive ever used are not on the blocklist. I am from new zealand so maybe its a U.S thing?

    Thanks for your reply btw. I think ill be okay next week. Taking it day by day

    in reply to: I need advice and help #52793
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    Participant

    I was on day 4 and ended up stumbling across some videos on facebooķ of people winning big on slot machines. I sat there for an hour straight just watching them and it triggered me to give it a go myself. Have been self excluded from all the online sites i used so ended up looking for new ones which took me a long time to find 1 that seemed ok. Finally found 1 and lost 100$ and then self excluded myself.

    Was only $100 but still feeling guilty about it and have to start day 1 again tomorrow. Atleast i still have money left. I guess this is going to be more of a challenge than i thought. To be honest, i probably wouldve lost a lot more money if i enjoyed the site more. I wasnt familiar with any of the games on there and didn’t enjoy any of them so it was a little easier to stop.

    I got away with only a scratch this time but i do see the potential in how bad it couldve been. I might post here daily for the next 7 days to try my hardest to stay away

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    Participant

    Yea the entire thread almost sounds like i was the one writing it. The one thing better than listening to a success story, is someone losing everything and then fighting back to come out on top. Nothing more satisfying then seeing someone be at their worst and end up succeeding. 

    I felt your pain everytime you relapsed and called yourself a failure and loser etc. You are none of those. Its all part of the journey and these failures are whats going to shape you as a man and build character for the rest of your life. A lot of us gamblers need to hit absolute rock bottom before getting better. You are still young so be glad it happened early on and not once you are 60 when it becomes a bit harder to comeback. 

    Personal training is also a great job, not sure if you are still doing it but you are the motivation for others which shows your character already and what youre capable of. Im staying away from all casinos and bars now, have self excluded from everything online and have given up drinking for a while. It does suck because i imagine you are like me and enjoy drinking with mates now and then but its definitely a trigger for me at the moment. Last time i drank, everything was good was having s fun night and then a few hours later when i was really drunk i ended up telling my mates im going home so i called a taxi then as soon as i left, i told the taxi driver to take me to the bar where i knew were slot machines and lost a whole lot of money. Woke up the next day depressed and angry at myself for even going there but i seemed to be in autopilot. 

    Youre going to get through this, and so am i. Just patience, time and hard work will get us there. Keep fighting !

    in reply to: What will be different this time? #52257
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    Participant

    You have done so well mate. You are over a month gamble free, that is where a lot of us are trying to get to now. I am on day 4. Stay busy, and keep doing what youre doing not being able to access money. I cannot wait till i have a month gamble free under my belt so dont give that up. It sucks starting back at day 1. Keep counting those days and keep adding on, im telling you now that you will feel like shit if you have to start again. Im determined to get to over a month this time and then another month from there and so on..

    You arent missing out on anything man, everyone else is still losing everything gambling. Theres no winning in gambling, just instant losses and delayed losses. Be proud of your progress, i cannot wait to join you in being months free of the evil!

    in reply to: I relapsed #52848
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    Participant

    Hey emma glad to hear you went straight to gamble free again. Im sure as you know, when you relapse and win, that can sometimes be the worst thing because it tricks you into thinking you can do it again. You can make so much progress financially when you go gamble free for months and then ruin it all in one day of gambling.

    Keep visiting back here especially now, and do everything you can to stay away from it. Start adding up the months of being gamble free again, im counting with ya !

    in reply to: I need advice and help #52792
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    Participant

    Hey thanks for your reply.

    I think you might be right with the whole dopamine thing. After my break up i didnt want to be with anyone else and i used weed to feel better. Stopped smoking and then quickly moved onto gambling heavily so yeah now that i think about it, i have most probably been hunting for dopamine fixes. 

    I admit i have thought about having another partner now and then lately but i would never want to commit to somebody when i had my weed problem and now again with my gambling problem. Im only 26 so i still have time but i feel i should be able to find happiness first within myself before looking for a girl to make me happy. I wouldnt want to take any of these addictions or problems into a relationship. Weird to think i havent been in a relationship in years now though and ive had problems ever since.

    How are you doing and how long are you gamble free? Would be more than happy to listen to your story if you wanted to share.

    in reply to: I need advice and help #52790
    Relapseking
    Participant

    Nearing the end of day 3 gamble free today. Got paid from work and havent had any urges so far. Have put majority of my money into savings after paying bills. Feeling good about myself knowing i have money again and dont want to waste it on slot machines. Have spent the last few days reading stories from people on this site and really seeing how much gambling is affecting so many people from different walks of life.
    It is very sad to see how many people are struggling with this even when we break down and dont want to gamble anymore, we all still relapse and lose everything.

    It is a cruel addiction that can happen to some of the nicest and even most intelligent people. I thought my story was bad but there are people going through a lot worse. Although the money i lose is a lot of money to me even though it may be nothing to some of the people on here, i believe that we all feel that same empty feeling when we lose everything.

    I will keep posting here as it helps me stay motivated and i am hoping to go the rest of the year atleast gamble free. I want to go the rest of my life gamble free but just going day by day for now so the task doesnt appear so out of reach.

    Relapseking
    Participant

    Hey man i just read the entire thread and could relate way too much to the entire roller coaster you have gone through. I have the exact same problem as you where i lose everything then after finally having access to money again i will end up overspending which triggers me to want to gamble to make it back. And also drinking, every time i go out drinking with friends i tell myself i eill definitely not gamble. But by the end of the night i am trying to find a way to get away from my friends so i can go somewhere to gamble. 

    Im on day 3 today. All i can say is that we are at the point that no amount won will ever pay back what we have lost. You are down 30k so even if you got lucky and won 5k you would not leave with it. You would look at that 5k as a ticket to make even more money back. You tell yourself beforehand that if you got 5k of your losses back from winning then you would definitely leave, but in reality we would not leave. So there is no point to try make that 5k. It is impossible to make your 30k back now. And if you hit some sort of jackpot for 30k, once again you would not leave. You would start thinking “well now im even, i can try make some extra money for myself before i pay all my debts back” and before you know it, you lost it all again. Our brains are a mess as gamblers. We will only ever leave down, never up. Even if you left up 1 day, you will give it back the next day or even next week. Like they said its dirty money, not our money.

    Also a shout out to that meghna person who has been there for you from almost the beginning when you started posting on here. I hope meghna is doing well and i was astounded by the support she was giving you all the way. Such a big story on this thread and i know there is a happy ending to it. Within time you will look back at this thread and say to yourself “i did it, i got through the toughest and darkest time in my life”. You sound like a great guy whos going to make it out on top. These relapses have just been part of your journey and it was the way it was always meant to go. You will realize this one day. Keep your head up man, your struggles will be over, time is on your side.

    in reply to: Today! Tonight! This minute! #52842
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    Participant

    Im right there with you buddy, i also feel this determination and happiness that things are going to change from here on out.

    I think typing out those thoughts and disappointments also releases it from your body and helps you feel better knowing that someone else knows about it and its people that can relate and understand it. Thats the hard part about not telling the people you love because what ive learnt is that someone who has never struggled with a gambling addiction before will never really fully understand why we have made these mistakes and the bad decisions we have made.

    I use to judge my brother who had a very bad gambling addiction years ago and he would ask me for money to help him feed his family. I remember getting angry at him for being so stupid and losing all his money and then a few years later i went through it myself and soon realized how easy it is to lose everything and i instantly remembered the way i judged him and felt terrible about it. Now he barely gambles anymore and its me going through the struggles. I could have been a lot more understanding of him back then if i knew what i know now.

    Like you said, each day we dont gamble is another win. It makes me enjoy going to bed knowing i can add another day on. Keep your positive mindset and come back to these forums if you ever get a sudden urge. Looking forward to hearing great things

    in reply to: The first day of the rest of my life #52167
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    Participant

    Great success you have made over the past month mate. I am on day 1 and you motivate me to not want to relapse this time. Life is so much better without gambling. It must feel great using money on things that matter instead of something so useless and pathetic like gambling.

    Good on you, i cant wait to be 30+ days gamble free too!

    in reply to: Today! Tonight! This minute! #52839
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    Participant

    I noticed you commented on my thread and just wanted to say i can relate to so much you are saying. The worst part about gambling is it can make such a great person do such nasty things such as lying or using money that isnt yours. I have even thought about stealing from places to get back the money ive lost. These evil thoughts seem to take over when we are gambling and its not the kind of person i am at all which makes me second guess why im having these thoughts.

    I have the same problem as you where i quit for an amount of time and then the second i start up again i lose everything and start with small bets then just lose complete control. Even when i finally make some money, its never enough and it just makes me want to gamble more and more. No matter how much i tell myself beforehand that i should stop at a certain number or point, i never go through with it and keep playing till i lose everything.

    We need to stop and sort everything without gambling. Gambling is not the answer to our problems, it is the reason. Im more than happy to come back here every day and see how you’re doing with your recovery. We can get through this, time to pay our debts and get our lices in order and stop giving money away to something that doesnt deserve it.

    You’ll get there and so will i

    in reply to: I need advice and help #52788
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    Participant

    Thank you for replying on my thread guys. I play online and at my local pubs, and have lost so much money to both. I have self excluded from the last online site i used. Maybe we can go through this together since we have both only just quit.

    Its not a nice feeling knowing how much money i have earnt lately and have none of it left. I have a little more confidence in myself though after visiting this site. I dont have anyone to take control of my money for me because i cant trust my mother with it (she will probably start spending it without my permission) and my father is going through a rough break up at the moment with his ex partner so i dont want to burden him with my problems. I will have to do this on my own. 

    I always hear people say that we gamble because there is another area in our lives we arent happy with but what if im not sure what that is? I consider my life fine and cant think of a reason as to why i continue to throw all my money away. I had a bad break up a few years ago which led to a bad year or 2 of being hooked on weed to the point i became dependent and depressed but since i stopped smoking i have felt good. I haven’t had a partner since then and wonder if maybe deep down its to do with something like that.  Thats the only little scenario i can think of anyway that might be wrong with me possibly. Maybe its a subconscious thing but consciously i feel fine.

    Can this be done without going to g.a meetings? I live in a small country and not sure we have them here but also this is my hometown and i feel i would be ashamed and embarrassed to be seen at a meeting by family or friends

    in reply to: My story, my success. #51954
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    Participant

    Wow i just want to say that i am astounded by the story you have shared. I can relate to some of the emotions you share. I have lost a lot of money too but at a much smaller scale to you. I have never experienced having as much money as you so the amount ive lost is a lot to me anyway. Im amazed at how hard of a worker you are and how far youve come. It takes a really big character to make a comeback, the way that you have and it is highly motivating. You had been given many opportunities to give up as i know many people would but you pushed through and have such a solid plan put together. You havr inspired me sir so i too will put a plan together tomorrow and start looking towards the future too. Im wishing you the best and rooting for you to stay strong and on the track you are. You deserve to get through this. I can’t even fathom working more than 1 job so you are definitely ahead of a lot of people when it comes to work ethic. I hope everything works out for you, you have come so far and should hopefully never feel the need to gamble again. Stick with the forums and finding ways to keep on track. Looking forward to hearing more updates, all the best man.

Viewing 14 posts - 31 through 44 (of 44 total)