[MurrS7]

Hey plaza thanks for your harsh but realistic comments man. I’m sorry I haven’t posted here every day as I am super busy with work. I hope it doesn’t affect your life in any way by me posting it not- but if you are losing sleep over my Life then my apologies. I am in meetings 2x per week ajd have not gambled in 6 days. I am not looking back and staying busy each day working out, healthy eating, spending time with girlfriend and family more. Things that matter. Life is very busy right now and I’m sorry if I can post everyday. Appreciate all of everyone’s comments , love , and support. Some a bit more blunt and harsh than others. Relapsing is a part of the game and I will never talk down to someone on this forum or tell them to try harder. Especially someone who experiences gambling addiction should relate. Take care all. I’ll post when I can. God bless

[MurrS7]

Thank you guys for the endless support. I am
In meetings twice a week and I have not played casino since Monday. I did place a sports bet on Tuesday but usually I would go to the casino after and gamble all night, I am taking baby steps and taking it day by day. My mind is in a better place. I will continue to fight the good fight and I thank everyone for their love and support. I will not let gambling win. I am
Stronger than gambling. I am on my road to recovery.

[MurrS7]

Hello all,

Thanks for all the love and support and encouragement to stop. You know this addiction is so evil and it’s such a war every day. I have been gambling so much and I had a very big sports win. Got myself completely out of debt .. why couldn’t I stop? Because as mentioned it’s never enough. I lost it all and got it back so many times, with more profit, but just could not stop and win the war. I have enrolled in meetings again, and blocked myself from the sites I used… it’s a nightmare to be honest. I have ruined my relationship with my family, gf, work, mental and physical health. I have turned to alcohol and drugs , sleepless nights, underperformance at work.. lost so much time spending it with my loved ones. Become a liar living a double life to gamble.. for what? Money? Clearly it’s more than that. It’s all gone again, it’s really the hardest time right now.. trying to quit gambling , substances.. at once.. during a pandemic. Haven’t worked out or eaten clean. In weeks. The past 30 days have been living hell.. it feels like years.. so much damage in such a short time. Today is my day one. I can. I wil.. this will kill me. Take care for now . Sorry I don’t update as mhch.. I’m just ashamed of this hell on earth. I hope I make it..

[MurrS7]

Hi all, I am very sorry. It has been a rough 2 weeks. I read everyone’s posts and I appreciate and love you all witg the bottom of my heart. I am powerless over this addiction . I have been gambling every day since I posted, I manage to win all of my money back and more, Just to lose it all again in minutes. I won again today a very large amount and the voice in
My
Head told me keep going, I even told myself if I win I’m cashing out . Ajd indidnr, I kept playing until every cent was gone. I was just bout to clear my debt to 0, 0$ out of debt, from 30k. Basically to say f u gambling and
Never look back. But gambling took control of me . I owe just as much now, I have won and lost over 30k
This week alone. My gf is about to leave me because she says I’m not helping myself but I am powerless over this addiction . There is no logic. There is no common sense: it is never enough, I never know when to walk abd
I have 0 discipline. I am so ashamed. Drijkjfm
Booze and trying to forget how I lost it, won it all back plus some, lose it all again; win most back, then lose it all again. Same story. Asking
Myself what just happened.. it’s a nightmare.. it’s a blurr.. it happen so fast. I’m torn. I haven’t told my parents but rent is coming up, car payment, bills, and every thing is maxed. I have to tell them.: or I will be homeless.. they will never allow that but I don’t know what to do.. what happened to me .. it was all
Good a week ago. I evej. Got it all back abd profit.. I was so happy.. why do I want to feel this way… why do I have no self control.. I’m lost for words . Story of a degenerate gambler .. it’s never enough .. we always want more and the thrill of hitting our bets.. it’s not even about the money it seems .

Signing off.. I’ll update soon.. I might have to Get pro help.. before I die .. this will kill me

[MurrS7]

It is with a heavy heart and damaged soul that I have relapsed on gambling after 18 months without one bet. I had gotten my life back and never even thought about gambling. The super bowl came and I don’t know what got into me, I wanted to bet on it. I didn’t even consider it relapsing … it wasn’t the casino games so it wasn’t relapsing .. at least that’s what I convinced myself. I won, and that was the problem as we all know. I started betting on more basketball games, as I have been an nba fan since I was a little boy and again, tried to convince myself this isn’t betting, it’s more strategic since I know sports; not some cards flipping. One night I lost on the basketball, and I saw casino in the sports app… I felt sick.. I opened up blackjack and I relapsed on the casino, I took out 200$ 4 times and lost every single hand. The Chase is on. I’ve always chased; my mind tells me I can get it all back, I’ve done it before and I’ll do it again. I was going to my gf house that night and I was so mad and was in a bad mood, I didn’t want to be miserable around her and tell her I gambled , as she know
I had a bad problem with it. I switched from bj to roulette and won my 800 plus ankther 200$.. all of a sudden I was in a good mood again… phew I could go over and be my happy self.. jeez gambling is such an emotional roller coaster. The next week i would bet on nba games every night, my gf would be mad as she would come over and I would be glued to the tv.. not showing her any attention.. she begged me to stop betting .. I told her yes I will I swear. What I would do is place 2-500$ bets on sports; then go recover my initial bet in the casino , which I did most of the time, so in my mind even if I lost the sports, it’s like I never bet … again.. the mind of a delusional, degenerate , loser gambler. The next few days would get intense, I won 1-2000 3-4 days in a row; I was up around 12k in a week. I was ecstatic .. one night I lost about 3k.. so I started chasing on blackjack. I lost more; then I couldn’t believe what happened .. I went up to 5k in 10 minutes .. I closed the app and told myself go to bed … as I was about to.. I swear I went into a trance.. usually I withdraw the cash so I don’t have access to it that night anymore. This time
I did not, I opened the app back up, and watched the 5k go to 2.56 cents. In under 5 minutes.. I blacked out.. sober… I stood there in disbelief .. asking myself what th F just happened; why steve!! Why!! You never wanted to feel this again; you had profits of 15k for the week… u just lost it all. Then the chase. I had work at 8 am .. I stayed up all-nighter trying to get that 5k back, ajd lost another 6 k of credit . I wanted to throw up. My whole financial situation changed in 1 hour. The next day I had to tell my gf: and my parents; and my sister. My mom cried. I cried. I can’t believe what I did. How? 1.5 years clean!! I nevver wanted to feel this again. You know, gambling makes us liars, thieves, miserable people. My mom gave me 900$ so that my
Account wouldn’t freeze from my car payment. I got home, after telling her I’ll never gamble again, and that’s why I realize I’m powerless over this. I gambled the money she gave me. I then took over draft and gambled that; I then took cash advances and gambled that. I loook at my bank and eveythinf is maxed. How? Why? This can’t be happening. This must be a nightmare: wake me up. The next day I go over to my family and tell my mom I owe a debt and I’m in serious trouble if I don’t pay. She gives me more money.. it was just to gamble. I am so ashamed : I am feeling like a true piece of garbage. My loving mom trying to help me; but just enabling me.. but I can’t tell her what I did. I can’t. I am not a bad person, but gambling is evil and turns me into one. Now being down over 16 k in 3 days. I play again last night ajd manage to take 50$ up to 5000$ in 30 minutes. I cash out right away. Now I’m
Down 10-11k and my mind is telling me just be happy you got 5k back. My gambling mind is telling me get the other 11:( this addiction will kill anyone worse than drugs , alcohol , anything I’ve ever tried before. I am nearly in tears writing this.. I just can’t believe I am going through it again. God bless anyone who read this, anyone struggling, anyone who has had years of sober time just to ruin it all in minutes … I am
Here with you all:( goodbye for now

[MurrS7]

Always so nice to hear from you. I will look into the meetings for sure. I am so happy to hear you’re doing well. Keep going, and thank you for helping me through my dark Days. god bless you and your family. 

[MurrS7]

Astrofly,

your words mean a lot to me and I thank you for reading my journal from beginning to end. today marks 365 days gamble free. a lot of emotions coming back to this site, but also a reminder of how bad my addiction got. I am writing this with a very clear mind, and gambling being a distant memory. I never thought I would come this far, and I hope you know that you can do it too. Sometimes we are in so deep, it feels likr there is no hope. I will never forget when I went in to the Bank after maxing out my final 50$ on a 25,000$ credit card, trying to get another 500$ of over draft in front of two bank tellers who looked at me like I was completely naked and told me I have no available funds left. probably laughing at me inside how poor I was, probably one of the most embarrassing moments I my life. At that moment I realized I need to change. I am still paying off that credit card, but being gamble free for one year means more to me than having that card paid off. it will happen As long as I stay focused. Had I kept gambling , that debt probably would be in the hundreds of thousands, I would most likely be homeless And addicted to subtances. I believe you can do it also. You must believe you can as well At whatever it may take: GA, counselling, opening up to family and friends, having someone handle your finances, banning yourself from all sites and casinos; anything it takes. I am living proof you can get out of the hell that  gambling has caused you, myself, and millions of others. If you ever want to talk, vent, need advice, message me. You will always have a friend in me. remember; money can always be made back, but time gambling , mental anguish and hopelessness, hours spent gambling, missing out on what’s important in life, the things money can’t buy, will never be able to be made back. I’m rooting for you, always. Keep pushing forward, one day at a time. I did it, and so can you. God bless. 

Stephen
 

[MurrS7]

Hey,

it was pretty weird seeing this message pop up in my email inbox. It has been so long. I had to go to my sober calendar to see how long it has been since i last gambled. Today marks 11 months and 4 days gamble free. I am doing pretty well. Working from home for my

new job, and trying to stay positive during these hard times. I quit alcohol for 7 months also, but recently I have been drinking more than I should, which I need to change. funnny I don’t even think If gambling , but I am still paying off my debts from the many thousands that I lost. I am happy it has almost been a year, and I really change my life from last year, which I am proud of, I know I have to always have my guard up, but for now I am happy where I am at. Once I pay off my debts, it will be a good feelikg too. I hope you’re well. Please let me know how you’re doing. Thank you again for checking on me- really means a lot. Much love my friend. take care for now.

[MurrS7]

thank You so much for your kind words. The feelings are completely mutual and I am so glad we had And have one another support as we were both battling the same demons and it is so amazing to be on the other side of it now. I knew we could do it. A lot of people on this site helped me get through this, but you were that one person who checked in on me daily, encouraged me through my many relapses that everything will be ok and that I would come out on top, and so did you. You are very inspiring and admirable to me as well, don’t ever forget that, without your help… I don’t know if I would be where I am today, I mean that. Im happy to hear about the baby coming .. a brand new beautiful life that you are bringing into this world, and that is very special. I believe you will end this year gamble free, better yet I believe you will never place another bet as well. After what we went through, I think it scarred us enough to have truly learned from this unfathomable experience. I believe in you just like you did for me. Thanks for checking in Meg, and know , that you too.. will always have a true friend in me. Take care of yourself. Sending all my love your way.

Stephen 

[MurrS7]

Thank you for checking in. Life is great on this end. in 3 days I will be 6 months Gamble free, and the new job is great, I am defiantly excelling in a field I knew nothing about before I started. I don’t think I have read your thread, do you have one? Thank you for checking in. Truly appreciated. Take care and stay safe.

[MurrS7]

So nice to hear from you. thank you for this message. I have not been around for some time, just busy with life and these crazy times. I miss you and your awesome spirits also! In 3 days I will be 6 months gamble free. It’s pretty crazy to see you messaged me here because the reason I came on here actually was last night I had a dream that I gambled. And I lost. I was so disappointed of my relapse and the dream brought me back to a dark time, I felt that feeling of disparity, self hate, embarrassment, and couldn’t believe it.. jeez was I happy to wake up from that nightmare. It has been a long journey but I have no intentions to ever place a bet as long as I’m on this planet. My job is going amazing, I am with a company that I am able to work from home so I really lucked out. I just approved for my condo and I will be moving out June 1. My debt will be paid off by then .. we’ll 90% of it. in just 6 months I completely did a 180. I have been sober as well for over 3 months. Life could not be any better personally, but the irony is how messed up the world actually is right now. How are you ? how is the newborn and the family? I hope you’re on track and staying Strong. all the best meg. Stay safe.

[MurrS7]

My pleasure, it is within us to stop. when it seems like life is not worth living, just remember, your life is worth living. You are stronger than gambling, you can achieve great things, you know you can because you have already. Tomorrow willl be one step closer to happiness, and the day after that will be one step closer than the day before. Take it day by day. It will take time, but you will get there, and you will look back at this as a bad memory, that you made it out on top. I will leave you with this quote someone posted here a long while back: it stuck with me.

It is a tough journey..but it is still a journey and with the right frame of mind it can actually be an enjoyable one. Great stories are not those of smooth rides through life, but great stories are those of people who have overcome difficult challenges. Bit by bit, I am writing a great story. 

write Your story brother. 

never stop believing.

[MurrS7]

And you as well bro. You have come a long way from a few months ago, when we were both at a day1. Look how much can change in just a few months. And it can only get better. keep pushing forward and shedding light in this world of darkness, Sean. People like you are far and few between. All the best and continue gamble free. never give up.

[MurrS7]

Brother SeanRaj you my friend are by far the most positive person I know on this forum. I have never seen someone so positive, encouraging, mindful, and full of love and support to everyone they meet on here, and to themselves. Thank you for all your support in my journey, and in everyone else’s , I learn someone from every post you make brother. Never stop being you my man. God bless your soul.

[MurrS7]

I don’t come on here as often as I do but last night I decided to come to the forum and your story was the first one I noticed from the caption and so I opened it up. After reading it I would think there would be more people here on this forum who would chime in but I suppose this place isn’t like it was before. Anyways, I read your story from top to bottom and it reminded me of mine, and every other compulsive gambler that I’ve met in here, in ga, and in my life. It could bring a tear to my eyes because well, I could have wrote the exact post, Matter of fact, I did. Inevitably we have to lose every cent in our name, we have to lose ourselves, we have to lose our minds, in order to stop gambling. Gambling is an evil disease that unless you’re a compulsive gambler, will never understand. The time we have wasted in casinos, or betting on our phones, the endless times we have missed birthdays, anniversaries, meetings, meals, bathroom breaks, social gatherings, just to gamble. I feel your pain in every sentence and I want you to know you are not alone. I like you, lost everything as well, around 40k of borrowed cash from the bank, over 15k borrowed from parents, and around 100k+ of savings in around 8-10 years of gambling on and off. Lost a business, lost a gf, lost myself, and lost my dignity and self worth. We have to take it one day at a time man, we have to want to quit gambling, as bad as we wanted to gamble. We have to have motivation from within, a purpose to quit. For you, I think your daughter would be your purpose, and also getting your old job position where you can save money again, but I promise you will never get it shall yoy continue to gamble. I would tell you to go to ga and councilling, but I’m not going to sit here and tell you it works, I’ve relapsed so many times after ga ahd counselling . I think until you really want to stop, those things won’t do jack. I am sitting here now 4 months and 8 days gamble free, with a new job, a new outlook on life, and watching my gambling debt go down with every pay I get. You too can do that; if I can right? We are both human. I never thought I would stop. And I can’t promise I’ll stay stopped for life, because gambling is a life long battle. I am sending all of my prayers and strength your way to keep fighting; keep pushing forward, keep thinking how happy you were before gambling, spending time with your family without the stress of placing a bet. Working hard and saving money and buying nice things, experiencing life’s pleasures; without the stress of placing a bet, losing monthly salaries in a matter of hours.. think of this feeling if you get an urge…it’s not worth it. You’re 40.. you have time to rebuild. You know how much can change in 5 years, you can have it all back. More so the money, you can have your life back. I’m rooting for you, I know you have it in you to stop. God bless you 

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