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We’re similar, I’ve spent 250k+ in the last 10 years and still have 40K debt. I’m barely clinging to paying rent, food, etc for the family every month and the debts I have my wife doesn’t even know about. I’m scared to lose them when or if they find out. Reason why I don’t tell them is because there’s nothing they can do to help me, I would just be passing my pain onto them when it’s mine to own. I’d rather they live happy because I know I can fix this if I just STOP GAMBLING.
All of our problems can be fixed with time if we just stop gambling. It sounds easy to say and I know we’ve all had our stints then go back to it but what I can tell you is that you need GA my friend, you can’t do this on your own. You will just keep thinking about the debt, the life you could’ve had and watching people around you be happy and look like they have no problem in the world.
GA will give you a fellowship of friends that are all going through the same thing and keep you away from gambling, you can share your thoughts and build new friends and pass through the challenge together.
3 weeks ago when I first stopped, I wanted to neck myself and end it all. 3 weeks later I’m feeling positive again even though I’ve spent all this money and have all this debt. This is because happiness doesn’t come from money or gambling but how you feel in the present and how you value and respect yourself. If you keep going back to gambling you will never respect or love yourself again and when you can’t even do that with yourself its impossible to do it with your child or anyone.
We often think about our children, loved ones or family etc after a loss of gambling. This is because the loss humbles us and we want to do better by everyone etc but the moment things get “good” again, we’ll gamble again. It’s an illness, a progressive one that doesn’t stop until it has swamped up everything in your life. However, it all starts with a decision that you control. I suggest picking up old good habits and working on improving your career. I firmly believe GA will help anyone in this crisis. I can’t think of any better support group as counsellors may not even be gamblers … they don’t get it but sitting with people that have been through it all is really good. I used to think GA would be junkies or meth heads but it’s actually very intelligent people who have a real serious problem with gambling. Trust me, things will get better if you just stop. All the money and stuff you’ve lost is gone, accept it. I’ve lost everything too but it’s sure as shit not going to keep me shackled for the rest of my life. We have one life and it’s time we start living it for the sake of ourselves and everyone around us. Good luck.
I also had a period last year for 3 months where I didn’t gamble. In that period I learned to run, train properly and managed to lose 12kg and run a marathon after 3 months of training. Not only this but my debts were soaring off my list and my wife was even happier and getting into training as well and we were all happy. I guess what I’m trying to say is when you give positive energy around you, then everyone will follow and it’s the same with negative. This is one reason we should avoid hurting our loved ones as much as possible because they are part of the addiction too. We need to think like leaders of the pack and where we go…. the pack goes. So I am similar to you in the fact that I’ve stumbled in the past 4 weeks again and I’ve managed to gamble what we recovered from debt + more so we’re in an even worst spot. However my parents are now aware (Before it was only my wife) and I’ve finally started going to GA so I’m thinking very positive this time around and feel like I’ve got all the tools I need to quit. Aslong as we never gamble again, the debts actually don’t mean much. I’m happy and I’m sure you are too to pay off all our debts as long as we know we’re never going to gamble again. Let’s try make that our mission and keep everyone around us happy. Best of luck with your journey!
You go girl!!! Keep at it, keep your husband in your head as well as these forums, and resarching quitting as well as any support groups. As long as it’s constantly in our head to NOT gamble we won’t and we’ll power through it, we just can’t get too complacent because that’s when the nightmare begins! Best of luck.
Keep going strong brother, you’ve got this. We need to keep our wives in our head constantly as they’re our rocks through these things! Not many partners would choke on the gambling habits for as long as some. Just keep her in your head all the time and keep researching ways to stop gambling, posting on this forum and going to any support groups that you can. I feel like if I constantly have quitting in my head, that I won’t actually do it. It’s only when we are comfortable and havene’t thought of it for a few days we start saying to ourselves “Ahhh it’s okay this one small bet, we’ve been good and it’s just one bet” it never really is just one bet though.
You can do this, thanks for commenting on my post thought I’d share some love too! Setbacks can always happen. I remember for me last October (1st) I said to myself that’s it I’m done and started focusing on a new hobby (Running) and I got really good at it, that I actually did a marathon in early January. The few days after i wanted to “celebrate” and went out to gamble and drink and I actually won the grand jackpot at a pub for $9000. I was on top of the world, said to myself this was my reward and I’d never play again! Paid off a $5000 loan I had and still had money left over, gave some to my mum and my wife and said it was from “investments” and kept a little bit to myself. Bad mistake. I got into it STRAIGHT AWAY! and went the week after and blew what money I had, after that I started borrowing off friends until it totalled around $3000. Now I had to get a loan AGAIN to pay them back, which is what I did except that I used the whole loan instead of paying people back.
Now $8000 and finally admitting I’ve got a problem when it was soooo EASY to come back to it and that’s when I opened up to my mum and told her everything as well as because I need a bail out. Now I have started doing GA and AA (As both are a problem for me). With my GA meeting being the first tonight, something has to change and we can’t keep doing the same things that have always backfired. I think we just have to keep trying and eventually we will get rid of this problem, but we can’t keep doing the same things as willpower sometimes isn’t enough. I think maybe you should try some GA or counselling services and just see if it helps, for me I feel like that weekly reminder of going and hearing others stories and maybe helping them that it will keep me away.
Hey mate, I’m in the same boat as you married with one kid, mine is only 8 months.
I’ve been in constant denial too, my last gamble was 3 days ago and I blew everything, borrowed money of people pulled out a loan and in the end was left with nothing. I’ve had to reach out to my mother for a loan which I’ve told her is the final straw from me just to close everything out and start living a normal life, I have to.
Guess what I’m trying to say is that you can do it man, think about it properly you have a wife and a kid and they probably both love enjoying spending time with you, watching TV and doing family things. Me and you both don’t want to ruin that, what’s the point – just for gambling? It’s no way near worth it but this thing is a disease, all it takes is one little small thought and then you’ll go in saying oh just a 50 or whatever. Next thing you know you keep depositing and chasing. Even if we won, eventually we’ll get greedy put a bigger bet lose that, chase more and lose even more than we started with. It’s a vicious neverending cycle!
For me what I think works best is to have constant reminders of how you screwed up. You might not feel like you need GA meetings but one thing it’ll do is remind you of how bad it is with peoples stories, and perhaps you can even help someone. Imagine going every week and getting that constant reminder of it! You will be much stronger with holding back, that’s for sure. Gotta start somewhere and we can’t keep doing the same things, because they haven’t been working. Saying we’re going to stop and all this crap is all just when we’re humble after our losses, the moment things get comfortable again we get thoughts and gamble again.
Anyway I wish you the best of luck man, and yeah maybe give the GA a go