[kin]

it felt very warmth and  nice to hear from all the familiar names, I miss everyone too– 9/4/2013 2:32:43 PM: post edited by kin.

[kin]

we share the same sickness, we forget too fast
this is one reason why I return to this website n real life gambling support groups now– 8/4/2013 4:36:04 PM: post edited by kin.

[kin]

It is time for me to come home to this website where I belong
Gambling only adds to the pain,  
its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …
the  side affects actually make the original pain worse

 — 8/4/2013 1:45:01 PM: post edited by kin.

[kin]

Dear diary,
I had expected the outcome to be worst. It all started when I dropped my pay cheque in the quick deposit box on the first this month. I was shock when my cheque did not clear the next day. I was afraid that the inland revenue is confiscating my salary again after taking all the money inside my saving account in May, they promise me everything will be fine after I talk to them. Where is my money now ?
I was not informed the bank closed my saving account automatically because there was no money inside on the 31 May. I approached the bank manager to check what is happening on the third of June. I was told if I had bank in the money on the 30th May, this would not have happen but I was not paid yet. If the inland revenue have not possess whatever money I had in there without my consent, this would not have happen, it is causing me a lot of inconveniences and stress.
The bank don’t know the where about of my cheque now. They have send it out to another location.They have informed me that they will send it back to me by mail and I can bank it into my new saving account.
Today is the 4th and I guess I am not going to see my money until another week or so from today. Still no news, no cheque in my mail box.
The anxiety and frustration was there but it could have been worst or higher, never knew what could have happen during the last few days if I have acted out.  I was so capable of so many different means to self destruct , really don’t know what I could have done. I just don’t want to hurt another person.
I actually live with the problem and move on with my life, did not expect myself to do it this way in the end. I actually accepted the reality and live with all the inconveniences, the frustration, anger and the scary anxieties. I had manage to minimize the damage this experience could have done to me.
I could have done the usual. Push the blame to the inland revenue department, the bank and my company. After that I could press the self destruction button, then look for a solution and a quick fix. Normally I end up using , then stressing, inconveniening and hurting another person. It never happen this time.
 
 
 — 04/06/2011 15:45:56: post edited by kin.

[kin]

The inland revenue department promise me they will release my banking account last Thursday
Today I checked, result shows otherwise and I felt ……
BETRAYAL (  MY TRUST ) & *******
DISAPPOINTED & UPSET
AFRAID & FEARFUL
SHOCK & HURT
RESENTFUL
FRUSTRATION & ANGER
I could not verify with the bank as it was after office hours
I could not call the ***  to check either
I don’t know what is happening to my account
I was afraid and very fearful I could lose every single cents  I had
Dear diary
I check my feeling , the  above was exactly how I felt between  6.30 – 8.30pm
The emotion showing on the surface  was anger
When I try to feel and describe each emotion
There are more
I expected myself to behave worst
I could have let out my frustration on my love ones
It could have been a perfect reason for me to act out
But my head tell me to use this opportunity tonight to learn
So on my way back home from work
I tried to describe my feelings on the bus
I plan to use it to question myself ,
have I done something that has hurt someone
resulting in them feeling the same  
I know how they feel now
they must be very disappointed with me
they must be very hurt
it must be very hard for them to ***** those memory
they must be very resentful of me
they must be very angry
they must have hated me very much
it must be very hard for them to forgive me
 
 
 
Dear GOD,
I am a sinner
Please have mercy on me
 
 

[kin]

Originally posted by bettie

I will wake up to 90 clean days tomorrow. I have had many trials to get here. I worked for it. I earned it d*mn it! And I am pleased as punch about it!
What will the next 90 be like? Too much to think about. I plan to forget about it, as much as I can, and concern myself odaat.
Every day is day one.
peace
bettie

Dear Bettie,
Congratulation on achieving your  90 clean days !!!
CG stop all the times but the trick is staying stop
you have really shown us how it should be done in the first 90 days
This is what real recovery is all about,
the gambling has stop but the real living problems did not.
Recovery is all about doing things differently
It is about facing life on life‘s term
Do not be too concern about the next 90 days
It is the same like any other day
Like the first day in recovery
We are this close to the next bet
We still need to earn every single day one day at a time
It still require effort and vigilant to stay stop
Thank you so much, your presence in here help me
Best regards
Kin
 

[kin]

Dear Bettie,
This is for your pleasure viewing
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWEp5XAxuKs&feature=related
Best regards
Kin

[kin]

Dear Kathryn,
Although no words can really help to ease the sudden loss of your brother in law,
Our hearts go out to you in your time of sorrow.
Kin
 

[kin]

Wow ! you have really come so far, you even have the awareness to know that you are setting yourself up …..and do something about it.
Well done and keep up the good workGambling only adds to the pain,  its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …the  side affects actually make the original pain worseI must remember to count my blessing

[kin]

do it one day at a time
keep posting, we believe in youGambling only adds to the pain,  its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …the  side affects actually make the original pain worseI must remember to count my blessing

[kin]

Glad to see you active in here.
it is impossible to be in 2 places at 1 time.
When one is here,
one is not at the slot machine
they say a leopard cannot change its spot ( body )
but
a leopard can change its spot ( location )
I learn in recovery
a selfish person can do unselfish deeds
a problem gambler can hang out in places with no gambling
Way to go girl, keep it up ! Bettie
The clean days is adding up
One day at a time
 Gambling only adds to the pain,  its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …the  side affects actually make the original pain worseI must remember to count my blessing

[kin]

Dear Bettie,
Where are you ???
If you are not here , you can be there
Come back !
 
 Gambling only adds to the pain,  its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …the  side affects actually make the original pain worseI must remember to count my blessing

[kin]

DENIAL stands for~
Don’t
Even
Notice
I
Am
Lying"
Relapse is never an accident.
Relapse is a sign that we have a reservation about stopping.
A reservation is something we set aside for future use.
A reservation is the expectation that,
if such-and-such happens, it is ok to gamble.
Insanity:
doing the same thing over and over again
and expecting different results.
Albert Einstein,
Gambling only adds to the pain,  
its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …
the  side affects actually make the original pain worse

I must remember to count my blessing
 — 4/12/2010 1:59:41 PM: post edited by KIN.

[kin]

Hope you will grow in strength to resist the urges and temptations along the way.
Trigger can be external like the casino but it can also be internal like your thoughts, feelings and emotions
Hope you will find the coping methods to deal with them.
Well done !!! you done something you did not do for many years in the past.
Note:
I wish you luck because this is just the begining…..it will take more than this to stay stop.
 Gambling only adds to the pain,  its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …the  side affects actually make the original pain worseI must remember to count my blessing

[kin]

An elder Apache was teaching his grandchildren about life.
He said to them,"A fight is going on inside me; it is a terrible fight and it is between two wolves.
One wolf represents fear, anger, envy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, competition, superiority, and ego.
The other stands for joy, peace, love, hope, sharing, serenity, humility, kindness, friendship, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion, and faith. This same fight is going on inside you, and inside every other person too."
They thought about it for a minute and then one child asked his grandfather, "Which wolf will win?"
The old Grandpa simply replied, "The one you feed"
Which thought are you going to feed
“ the one telling you to place the last bet” or
“ the one that tell you not to do it” Gambling only adds to the pain,  its like a painkiller that numbs the area for a while but …the  side affects actually make the original pain worseI must remember to count my blessing

[Author]

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