[kamirr9077]

Thank you for your reply DE , only belief I have is, you can understand a fellow gambler position and the mindset more than any one . When I was going crazy thinking about the loseses and doing some research 100’s of YouTube videos about day trading’ forex trading and how are they making money online too good to be true . A part of me says it all trash but deep down wanted to give it a try ( you know how we think) before doing anything stupid I reached you . I guess you are straight to the point. Thank you so much .

[kamirr9077]

Hello darkenergy hope you are doing well with your diet and everything else . I have a question for you or need your advice bro.

I was a gambling victim for 4 years lost tons of thousands and clean from three years . But I couldn’t forget about my losses a friend of my is recommending me to forex to get the looses back . Is it worth exploring my friend.

My gambling symptoms
1) so many lies
2)exceeding credit cards
3)high intrest loans
4)started with 10$ and went to 5k$ bets in less than a year
5) never get out of the casino when ahead .

[kamirr9077]

We all live and learn, at the end we will mushroom, as I reach close to 3 years now recovery is possible . and every day go by it is towards less depressed and more joy .

3 years ago I thought I could never come out of this rat hole today here iam still trying to stay focused .

DE you did once 188 + days and you can definitely add a zero next to it now you area a warrior MAN you will have lot of stories to share soon . I strongly recommend you to get occupied with what ever it is to make your journey smooth .

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by kamirr9077.

[kamirr9077]

With a heavy heart, I am writing this.
And I 100% agree with your comments below, and I felt the same as you are feeling.

“I am barely able to focus during work, but on the days where I had this 4 or 5 hr of focus at work, once I am back home I feel so good, it gives me satisfaction, a sense of achievement, to the contrary in the days where I am not able to focus (which is most of the days in this period of my life) I feel so bad and depressed.”

During my gambling days ( 4 years -with three relapses)
1. sheer pain and agony every time I drive back home from the casino after blowing paycheck after paycheck
2. Depressed as shit ( I never thought I would go through something like this in my life )
3. I look at myself in the mirror and cry due to guilt.
4. I always think about the stuff I could do with all the money I blew, and I always think about a new strategy to win back.
5. Cash advances on credit cards, personal loans with 30% APR (it’s insane ), and blew everything
6. Numbing my brain with alcohol and porn, anything that helps me stop thinking about the losses.
7. I Once stole money from my wife’s wallet and told her I took that for extreme emergency ( I still feel sick to my stomach )
8. when I blew all my money, I asked people next to me to loan (it’s like begging…… )
9. loaned cash from friends and family for fae reasons.
10. Self-excluded from a casino in PA, then started driving 80 miles to a different city.
11. So many lies.
12. Financial damage was worst with every relapse, and There is never a rock bottom for us. It will always be deeper and deeper .

Now the recovery ( if this helps you even 1 %, I will be glad )

1. Though we will not keep any of our wins, all our driving force is WIN BACK THE LOST MONEY, and we CAN NOT ACCEPT THE FACT GONE IS GONE.
2. If any of us in this forum is financially literate, we will never treat money like toilet paper in the first place.
3. Why is someone like you, me trying to find peace from where we lost? We are smart enough to get a job and make a living. Why can’t we look for opportunities to make money elsewhere?
4. Though we call it mental health, disease, whatever ……It is a condition we are cultivating with relapse after relapse.
5. 2019 Oct 30 last visit from casino 80 K in debt total have no idea what I will be doing and how I will be doing I was at tears for 80 Miles
6. I called my brother-in-law and explained the 2of nd life I was leading for four years on and off, and I vented my pain.
7. I Banned myself from life in nearby cities ( we addicts can always find alternatives, but I did what I am supposed to ). At this point, I lost hope of winning back.
8. Solid everything on my name that clears any amount of debt peace of mind is more imp than any ( Car, any fancy items that I am not using ), But I still have massive debt. I am still fragile and at the lowest point of my life.
9. I started a journal to keep track of all the debts, from smallest to largest.
10. On Dec 19Th, 2019, I started looking for odd jobs apart from my regular work. ( at this point, I need something to keep me busy or distract me from -ve thoughts ) Then I found a pizza delivery, plain and simple.
The first time, I drove home with a 100$ bill ( 4 hours of continuous pizza delivery) after sooooo many negative losing days.
11. I kept driving day after day without a break
12. At this point, I am still a few days GB free ……so many -ve thoughts, so much pain I cannot explain. I am sure you know what I mean
13. My life-changing realization, was that listening to dave Ramsey while delivering the pizzas helped a lot and I realized my problem is my behavior, greed, wanting nice things, and not educating about money.
14. Now as days go by my paychecks are with me, all the extra money I was making I kept putting to credit cards though it’s not a lot but can you believe I made 45K delivering pizzas …………..till the day
15. I drove every day 5 Pm to 10 PM without a break for 300+ days kept the momentum, I treated that as a meditation, not as a job never discouraged about the 5 $ bills I was receiving as a tip
16. I treated that 2nd job as a pillar for me not having any time to go to casino.
17. After one year I slowly reduced driving to 4 days a week but remaining days I was going to the gym .
18. While I was gambling-free, I did well at my work as I was able to focus. before even I realized I got a raise, got a bonus, and shares from my job that kept the momentum.

In this whole recovery journey, I am blessed with a boy who is 1.8 years now, a 2-year-old puppy, bought a house and I am debt free……………… by just keeping my paycheck and not relapsing

IMP First year was terrible always sick to my stomach when someone paid me 5$ versus I used to give a 100$ tip at the casino when I was winning, so many triggers, so many distractions. Thoughts to relapse came up with strategies and planning to go to a different city now but I am not sure how did I not execute that and fall back, maybe because I was drenching busy delivering pizzas, I guess

We all are here for MONEY no matter what we say we are here to win back, I realized the hard way what is the point you have a million dollars when your mental health is fucked.
As a person who had gone through your state, I know every bit of what you feel, my friend. we were searching for things in the wrong place.
A smart guy like you can do anything not just trading you haven’t tried a different avenue yet that’s all .

[kamirr9077]

By the way I spoke about my problem to my brother in law and gave all the card details account information and every password to him .

Good thing is he did not judge me and let me recover. My perspective changed as soon I came clean to my family . My wife still don’t know about my past .

[kamirr9077]

Dark energy –
I read all your journals man one thing I want to say you are king in my heart a person who go through this level of endurance will definitely excel Soon it’s just a matter of time ,

I relapsed 3 times and I blew 100k$ in total living in a different country like you at the ago 30 .
30 k before marriage . I know numbers don’t mean any thing it’s the pain that counts we all go through that .

What I learned in 2years 7 Months gambling free

1) we all are financially illiterate
2) even if we win all the money we don’t know what to do an we will eventually blew it off
3)money will not solve our issues
4)what are we even fighting for ????
5) What we are struggling is a mental health not financial health

I will mention few things that helped me stay clean 2.7 years

1) keep my self occupied, started deleviring pizzas for 5$ tip from placing 5k per hand bet

I know it sounds silly but I have been doing that 5 hours every day since 2.7 years no looking back my friend

Having zero time to think will keep you going , you can be in this forum and dwell in the past how ever long we want or do something very easy

It’s not about the money the satisfaction I gathered in these days are immense .

My only advise to you is make your self accupied doing something doesn’t matter you like it or not if it is generating pennys as well it will cherish you trust me .

I still belive you will over come all this just give it time .

[kamirr9077]

Hi murr ,
How you been , and your new job . Hope you on track .

[kamirr9077]

In the span of two years from 10%up , i went down to 100%.

I was on cloud nine when i was in winning streak and thought i was in control and i figured it all untill i hit the loosing streak which every gambler has to go through this phase .

As darkenergy mentioned it is a progressive addiction.

I gradually moved From 10$ bets to 4000$ bet a hand, in span of 2 years . Atleast i thought i had control but how i lost control and how i took loans @ 36% apr i don’t know . Its like a drug and you are not in your real senses.

Lets say i win in these 3 years and what is the guarantee i wont lost after 5 years or 10years while i am going through few imp things in life .

Over the last 3 years i have gone through many phases of depression , stayed away from my family , friends . As i was carrying the guilt for not being able to be generous towards them .

If you think you are winning while gambaling it is not true , the level of anxioty you through , the stress, most imp the time you miss living in real world (which is imp more than anything)

I wish i would know about this forum when i was up and at your stage .

No one can stop you from doing what your doing but we can share our real life experiences and results this might help you like a real statistics .

[kamirr9077]

Hello anon ,

First of all i am really happy for you , because @ such a young age
You realized you needed help I appretiate you for that . You would think The time and money you lost is really huge but if you ask me 1000’s of ppl in this forum would expect to be in your age and realized they needed help at this stage .

Do remember past is always like a rare view mirror future is like a winshield . By now you know what i meant look what is infront of you not what you passed . . Letting it go is the best thing you could do in your life rather spoiling your amazing future .

Today its only 10$$ but if we dont stop it it will be a-million in few years i am sure because you have an amazing future ahead and you will really make that money if you focus on your career .

I chased 1000$ and gave 100k in 3 years i never realize i make this kind of money untill i lost everything .

If you let go your losses you wouldnt need any blocking systems . Think about this the more you think about your losses to more you relaps . Just let it go brother . Do remember suffering is a gift and very personal once you heal you will have immence strength to make things better in your future .

Dont think you have an addiction or any problem you are just despirate to recoup your losses . Just dont think about them you dont need any systems to block .

Good luck brother .

[kamirr9077]

1st iteration

Jejj-
Please note this carefully . i was on this support page Nov 2017 and going through all the chats in seeking help .

at that time i lost 20 K savings and ( 10 K loan amount which i took for my wedding ) – total 30 K
i was upset and felt terrified . was able to stay away from bet for 7 months at this point life is on track and getting better .

a fun trip to casino and 200 $ loss sucked me in to this agin and i was in this trance for another 8 months ( lost 20 K $ again )

very imp – i was devastated again and self excluded myself from PA state and started paying monthly payments for all the loans ( 20 K 2nd iteration and 10 K bal from first iteration ) i was making payments life is on track for 5 months at this point i got some extra tax money out of the blew .

before i know i started my 3rd iteration lost all 5 k in on e visit and then something got in to my head and applied for another 30 K loan for 36 % apr before i even took a min and think ) gave all the 30 K in just 4 visits .

at this point i am 80 K down ( 50 K loans ) . what i did , how i did , why did i do ? i have no answers except chasing my losses . all this in the span of 3 years .

i am writing this only to help you undershorts how my life changed in 4 days after staying clean for some time .

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