[joerdj]

Or maybe it is none of the above, I could quote the definition of insanity, but I won’t do that this time.

Money short terms mean nothing when you waste it on your next trade.

First, stop what you are doing for a while, then seek for answers.

You can beat this.

[joerdj]

Sorry to say but I always find that xyz program is very expensive a useless argument. We wasted ridiculous amounts of money in slots, and a program that can prevent that is always cheaper then waste your money again. 

Anyway try : https://betblocker.org/

[joerdj]

I was also thinking of the why. Why me why not someone else why why why. But all these questions, even if I get an answer, won’t change anything to the situation I’m in now.

What you are seeking is rational answers to something that is not rational. Even if there was a reason, would it matter for the situation you are in now?  This is your brain trying to rationalize its own behavior (cognitive dissonance).

Your brain is a complicated thing, but basically you have a primitive brain and the thinking brain. With this and more situations those are in a struggle with each other. Your primitive part is driven by emotions, the rational part by reason.

Hence when you place a bet, your primitive brain wins the battle from your rational brain. When the high is over your rational brain is back in action and you think why why why. 

In no way I’m trying to say you should not pursue your quest for answers, just don’t forget you live in the now. 

[joerdj]

Well, tomorrow my salary will hit my account.
Normally I would sleep very poorly the day before. Just because of being restless and wanting to place a bet.

Hopefully, this night will be better. Still gambling free for 48 days. I have decided to give myself a present when I hit 100 days.

So to do that I will, from the 50-day mark onwards, save 2 euro a day, so when the 100 days are due I can buy myself the present.

I still have money leftover from my last salary, so that’s for the first time in a while.

On to the 50 days and onwards

[joerdj]

Hi sunflower,

How did the counselling go if I may ask ?

[joerdj]

What bills are urgent? It look like the freezing of your account will be inevitable, but you say you have the necessities. I am i bit confused right now.  Could you clarify further what the exact problem will be if they freeze your account if you can still pay for food. Is it about losing a place to sleep ? 

[joerdj]

I think the therapist wants to do harm reduction because you are at the moment bound to each other with the lockdown going on. In that sense, I can understand that maybe this is “better”.

You have tried everything and he is lucky to have you at your side. As long as you keep your own finances and health safe.

I wish you all the best 

[joerdj]

How is it going Ivan?

[joerdj]

Hi Sunflower 

Please keep positive and keep posting!

[joerdj]

Hi sunflower, 

I think settings ultimatums only work if you are ready to follow it through, otherwise don’t do them. 

There is not right or wrong way to go about it. For me I think he should hand over ALL his finances to you ( or someone else) and only get very small amount of cash for his expenses. Furthermore he should self excluded forever on all his accounts. Now these methods maybe you have already tried. If so there must be something that happened that he could still gamble. 

Either way do not sacrafice your own wellbeing. Sometimes seperation is for the best, but you are the only one that can make that decision

Kind regards. 

If you need direct support you can always talk to the 24/7 helplines here 

[joerdj]

Hi sunflower,

This is a thoug place to be.  He will only change if he is willing to change. You can not and must not try to change someone’s behaviour. He will not admit that he stomach pain is from the poker playing, but that is because he is an active addict. I’am also a compulsive gambler myself. 

So all the actions has to come from his side and his side only. Of course you can support him but ultimately he is accountable for his own actions. 

My best advice would be to safeguard your financial position and go in a damage control mode.

The “allowed” gambling has to stop. As someone once said here ” gambling is like a mistress, staying close friends does not work”  but he is the only one who can stop and that can only happens if he admits to himself that a little gambling isn’t right. 

[joerdj]

Sorry typo from my end. 

Can you open an other bank account? Or get your salary transferred somewhere else?  Like a close familymember or something . So in that way they can’t freeze everything? Just thinking outside the box, but if you can get your salary someplace else in theory you could pay off your debt and still have some living money?

[joerdj]

Hi Sunflower,

Just popped over from my journal section. 

Wanted to check how things are going with you. 

You should not feel like you are taken for granted, but that is just the nature of the beast (addiction) 

I hope to hear from you soon. 

Stay strong and positive ! 

[joerdj]

HI Evan, 

How are you doing? Hope things are getting sorted

[joerdj]

I just so turned out the freezing bank accounts are a standard in Croatia, and they have the right to do that. Personally I think that is ridiculous. 

If the freeze all your assets how long would it take you to pay everything back to your creditors, how much interest do you pay on these loans? 

[Author]

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