[joerdj]

Well our stories are pretty simillair. At the end, ( I think) recovery is never a steady line upwards.
n
nYou will make mistakes, after all you’re only human. Now you can either beat yourself up over it, or reflect where it went wrong, learn from your mistakes and move on.
n
n I would advise the latter.
n

[joerdj]

I never thought that recovery would be a steady line upwards. There will always be dips and highs. 

So now when I think about it, indeed not “Back to one” again. Cause that would mean the other 200 or so days would have been for nothing.

But on the other hand, I’m a bit pissed at myself. I always had it in the back of my mind that a relapse would happen so I already had peace with it( before it happened) Silly me knew it, and I still did it anyway.

I guess that is what we call an addiction 

[joerdj]

Well after 7 months GF if have fallen off the right track is was on. Been gambling for the last 10 days. Was trying to save money this month by myself. Things did not turn out this way.
nFinancially nothing bad happens because of my limited access to funds. (By some miracle I even “won”)
n
nIt gave me some insight: Without gambling I’m fine, but as soon as I start I can not stop. So the solution is to not start.
n
nBack to 1 again.

[joerdj]

Thank you 🙂 Things go way smoother without all the sh*t gambling brings. 

[joerdj]

6 Months GF today 🙂

[joerdj]

Well, today I hit the 150 days milestone.
n
nDid life get better?
n
nYes and no.
n
nThe decision to end my relationship after 6.5 years has put a strain on me. Did I make the right choice? Is there even a right choice? Sometimes I feel like a prick, other times a feel fine. But I never feel a sense of satisfaction. I’m going through the motion of life, instead of grabbing life.
nGambling put me in a sort of survival mode which had some (silly) sense of purpose. It gave me a goal: Get money and play….
n
nNow I work, save money, play some videogames, make some walks, hang out with friends. No extreme highs, no extreme lows. It all feels so boring at times.
n
nBut maybe it is a positive effect of no gambling. I just need to make space for my feelings and emotions, instead of burying them with gambling. Sometimes I feel so disconnected from myself. Just as if I’m looking at myself in 3rd person.
n
nGambling filled a big part of my mental capacity. No time for worries when you are playing. Not thinking everything over a 1000 times. Just me and the slot. It felt peaceful at times and horrible at others.
n
nDo I want to go back to gambling?
n
nHell no.
n
nI’m confident that life is way better without gambling. I need to find a sense of purpose now. Find my meaning, set goals. Get my satisfaction from something else. Deal with the feelings and emotions that are coming back.
n
nI rather am bored with money in the bank then being bored without money and a lot of worries.
n
n”By gambling, we lose both our time and treasure, two things most precious to the life of man”

[joerdj]

You can’t keep dancing with the devil and ask why you’re still in hell

[joerdj]

In this world we’re livin’ in, we have our share of sorrow
n
nAnswer now is don’t give in, aim for a new tomorrow

[joerdj]

Thank you Dunc 🙂 

[joerdj]

Well, I made it into the triple digits.
n
nLife is good at the moment 🙂

[joerdj]

Almost at the 100-day mark.

All things have only improved after the first time I wrote here ( 64 days ago)

Also, quit smoking in the meantime. I haven’t had a cigarette in 33 days. Been using a vape though. My own made flavors are getting better and better over time, but it turns out it is a very slow process ( just as recovery). Some flavours really need 3/4 weeks to come to fruition. So with everything in life sometimes all we need is patience.

Also cut down the alcohol use to 0 for the rest of the month, cause I was getting a bit fat ( and it is useless anyway)

Still going strong 🙂

[joerdj]

“Factum fieri infectum non potest”

I love latin phrases 🙂

[joerdj]

“You can never cross the ocean unless you have the courage to lose sight of the shore”

[joerdj]

Thanks Nick , I’am doing wonderful 🙂 

[joerdj]

A third person controlling it, would not mean that your mind isn’t occupied with it. I could give someone my money to gamble, but then I would still be gambling , so no difference then 

[Author]

Posts