[jansdad]

Someone once said, and there’s a lot of merit to it, “The money won is twice as sweet as money earned.”

Once, long time ago, I wrote a paper about how things of financial nature a very different for us gamblers. For most people the dollar they stand to lose is far more valuable than the dollar they stand to win. For us gamblers it’s the opposite.

Damn, it totally amazes me that with all my knowledge and understanding of economy, risk, probability, utility of money, marginal utility of money etc etc, I still managed to degrade myself to a compulsive gambler. Very peculiar, indeed. 🙁

[jansdad]

So, yes, I’m having a really “good run”. Meaning not gambling and not having urges to gamble. Days, even weeks go by without me even giving it a serious thought.

Blockers in place. I could get around them, but it would take me a couple of hours, so I don’t bother. Vera once pointed out that instant gratification is very important to us gamblers. I back that.

Anyway, I know there’s no reasons to get complacent and lower my guard. I’m trying to figure out though, how come the urges are gone and what is it in this period of my life that made the gambling and the desire to gamble go away. If I could figure that out, maybe I could be better prepared next time the urges emerge.

[jansdad]

Hey Mate. Day #40 today. Congratulations on your day #13. Sorry to hear about your depressions. i will write more tomorrow. Take care Mate.

[jansdad]

Day #30 today. I almost forgot about it.

[jansdad]

Many people are self-destructive to a certain degree. Many of us are afraid of success, afraid of happiness, afraid of living a good life. It’s like we think we don’t deserve it and we do everything in our power to ruin good things coming to us.

I have this too, but not at a drastic level as you. I think that’s why I’ve never been really successful and never really made a lot of money. I have a certain comfort zone, and if I’m doing too well I kind of start sabotaging myself (be it through gambling or something else) until I’m back to my comfort zone. It goes both ways, if I fall below my comfort zone (i.e. lose too much, jeopardize my future etc) I all of a sudden become reasonable and I work my way up towards my comfort zone.
That’s why I never had a lot of money. Whenever my cash starts piling up I subconsciously get nervous and uncomfortable and I start working against my best interest.

I was a few times in big poker tournaments and I was doing really well. Then with like 20 people left in the tournament (out of many thousands) I would have more than average amounts of chips and I would realize I have a fair shot at winning the whole thing. Those are tournaments where the first prize buys a really nice house and the 10th prize is only about 5% of the first prize.
And I would panic. It would almost be “what if I win?” And I would subconsciously start playing badly, taking unnecessary risks until I got eliminated and received only a fraction of the money I could have won.
I started analyzing myself after a couple of those situations and I’m fairly sure that I am subconsciously afraid of winning big and I probably think I don’t deserve best things in life.

And it does not pertain to gambling only. Same with various business opportunities I have had. I get easily complacent and I don’t push for more. It’s like I’m afraid of succeeding big time.

Yet in some other areas, I was totally relentless, I wasn’t afraid of success and I did very well indeed. I know I should apply the same to business and finances in general but I fail to do so over and over again.

Don’t be too hard on yourself Mav. And make sure you seek professional help – DOCTORS that is.

[jansdad]

I remember my early “clean” days back in December, I was like “tick clock, tick”, I wanted to add clean days to my count. Then I relapsed badly on day 63 and went on another spree.

I’m not sure why I relapsed, but I do know why it was so lethal (lost $10K in matter of days) – because I didn’t have blockers in place.

Fighting this addiction is a learning process and it’s different for everyone. There are no absolute truths.

[jansdad]

Kudos on seeking professional help mate!!! Proud of you!!!!

Also, congratulations on your boy. I remember when my boy started walking, he was 1 year old to the day. Whereas I wasn’t walking till I was like 16 months 🙂

[jansdad]

Hey Mav. You need to see a doctor and I hope you do as soon as possible. Your gambling problem might be just the tip of the iceberg. Gambling might be just one of your problems and it might not be the biggest one at that.

And that is what I meant before when I said I didn’t consider you a gambler in the sense that I consider most people here gamblers.

Mav, you need help beyond GA and this forum. GA and forums are only good for what they’re good for. If you needed a heart surgery you wouldn’t go to your GP.

[jansdad]

They played that “wait for more sweets later” game on me when I was a toddler and I did very well and waited longer than the other kids.

But then with gambling, as you say, instant gratification somehow became very important. Now that I look back, I never enjoyed poker tournaments as much as cash games ‘cos with tournaments you had to wait many long hours before you’d win anything (if at all), whereas with cash games you could win any one hand.

Great point Vera, I never realized before how important role instant gratification plays with us gamblers.

[jansdad]

I’m rooting for you big time Charlster. I like your posts very much.

I too decided to limit my spendings. I used to buy all kind of different gadgets that I didn’t really need. Last ones I wanted to buy was this new fitness bracelet and the new blackberry phone. I don’t do much sports and I have an excellent pedometer which does more than a good job for what I need it and I have 2 very good phones already. Why I wanted to buy new bracelet and a new phone has deep roots in my overall compulsive behavior I think.

So I decided not to buy any gadgets till I have 10M steps on my pedometer. Right now the figure is about 7,800,000, so it will take me another 5-6 months. I really hope I stick to it.

And the funny thing is since I resisted the initial urge to buy these things, the more time passes, the more I realize I don’t need them and the less I long for them.

I’ve got so much soul searching to do, like most of us here.

[jansdad]

Sorry to hear butchgirl. If I could give a meaningful advice I would. But I realize I can’t. What works for me may not work for you. Besides, I haven’t found what works for me so it’s a moot point

[jansdad]

Day #20 today. Blockers in place otherwise I would mostly like have gambled.

It’s funny how often time it can go either way. Small things can prevent me from gambling and on other occasions small things can trigger gambling.

If I really wanted to gamble I would rip my computers apart, reformatted the drives and I would be gambling. But the fact that it would take 2-3 hours is making it not worth it for me.

Thoughts of gambling come and go. They’re not severe, but if I could gamble easily, I probably would. Obstacles are godsent.

[jansdad]

You ok charlmeister? I love reading your posts, keep them coming 🙂

[jansdad]

I remember I once lost $11K in a single session and the next morning was taking subway. Next to me sat 2 young girls and they were discussing their plans for the weekend. They were going to get away from the city to some village a couple of hundred kilometers away and they were discussing how to get there. Finally the decided to go by bus rather than train. Train although more comfortable was about $2 more expensive and they could use that money to buy a couple of beers.

They seemed so happy and fulfilled and I was just numb after losing $11K.

You’ll go crazy if you start thinking what you could have afforded with the money you lost. Don’t do that to yourself. Let it go. That money is gone. You’ll never win it back. What you will do instead, if you try, is lose more. But you already know that.

[jansdad]

“money won is twice as sweet as money earned” – just remembered this quote reading a post above, it’s from a book about gamblers, can’t remember its name.

Another one from the same book “the next best thing after gambling and winning is gambling and losing”

Yes, P, gambling is about so much more than money alone.

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