[jansdad]

True. Not gambling is sooo much more than saving money.

[jansdad]

Day #100 today. Big day for me. The best of all is it all went smoothly for the most part. I did have a few urges along the way, but only a few. I had one yesterday, after a few urge-free weeks.
And I did have 5 or 6 dreams where I gambled and every time I was very pissed at myself in the dream. And was very relieved when I woke up and realized it was a dream.

Yes, Vera, I am now able to concentrate on other things, so it’s not just “not gambling”. Mainly, I’ve been able to concentrate more on my work which suffered the most because of my gambling. (I’ve always been a fairly good parent – I believe, even when I gambled, but my work always suffered).

You’re doing amazing as well Mav. Really proud of you. Is your family gone to Columbia now? When will they come back?
How long is your 12 step program for?

[jansdad]

Day #90 today.

Thank you all. Great job on your 60+ days Maverick!!! I’m proud of you.

I’m getting close to 100 days, which in my head is a big milestone. We’ll see how it goes. I keep positive.

[jansdad]

Yeah, fingers crossed Vera. Feeling good too. It is good not to gamble!

[jansdad]

Day #80 today.

[jansdad]

Thanks Fritz and happy. And no, I didn’t figure out exactly why I’m not gambling now and I always gambled in the past. I do have blockers in place and had it not been for them I most likely would have gambled. But it’s probably not only that.

But now I’m starting to reap the benefits of not gambling. My finances stabilized, my moods are not swingy, no anxiety, I’m able to enjoy other things in life and a whole range of other benefits that were not so obvious first several weeks.
Not gambling is a blessing. I hope I can stay away from it for life.

[jansdad]

Day #70 today. Had another dream the night before last night where I gambled and I was so angry at myself in the dream again. Was glad when I woke up that it was a dream and that I didn’t actually gamble.

This is the longest I’ve gone without gambling for the last 25 years, maybe longer.
I’ve gone a couple of months without gambling before, but it was never 100% gamble-free like it is now. I would not gamble online, but I would play a live tournament once a month or have an odd bet with a friend every so often. Last 70 days I did not gamble at all.
And it feels so good.

[jansdad]

I dreamt last night that I gambled. It wasn’t a lot of money that I gambled in the dream – actually I remember telling myself in the dream ‘OK, it was very little money’, but I remember being so very upset and angry at myself that I gambled that i finally woke up.
It was such a relief when i realized it was only a dream.

I rarely have gamble-related dreams. Other than nights following big losses that is. This is the first one I can remember since I stopped.

[jansdad]

I had urges a few days ago for about 2 days, but with help from a friend managed not to act on them. No big urges since.
My previous relapse was on day 63.

Sorry to hear about your depressions, but you know gambling won’t help.
I’m in Ukraine now for a couple of weeks. Maybe you should get away too for a few days or even weeks. Get a different perspective on life.
Keep strong Mate!

[jansdad]

Day #60 today.

[jansdad]

Isn’t it funny, Fritz, how we thought (while we were gambling) if only we didn’t gamble everything would be OK.

And now that we haven’t gambled for a couple of months the life still puts us to the test. Now we have to deal with non-gambling problems, problems that we never got around to deal with when we were gambling.

Charles warned me about this in one of the group sessions a few months ago. And I knew it myself – that life will be good at times and it will be not so good at some other times, but that it will ALWAYS be better if we’re not gambling.

When I was gambling I didn’t pay so much attention to other problems that needed solving. I just let them pile up. And, luckily, I’m not overwhelmed with them now, but they’re there and need addressing. And my brain got very lazy from all that gambling, so now doing even a simple chore requires a lot effort.

And I wanted to gamble only a couple of days ago. I don’t know why. Maybe to avoid thinking about other things I need to do and postpone them.

[jansdad]

Hey Mav. You’re right about the numbers, but I came very close to relapsing a couple of days ago. Luckily I talked to a friend and he talked me out of it. I “only” wanted to play a couple of tournaments on PokerStars, no cash games. That was my brain’s plan… We all know how it would have ended.
I had no urges for a few weeks, but they came back a couple of days ago. i wonder if it ever stops during out life times…

Day 29 is great. hang in there pal. And let the past in the past. Nothing you can do about it. There’re, however, one or two things you can do about about the future thought.

[jansdad]

What kind of work do you do Fritz?
I’ve always felt it’s better to spend less and live modestly than have a stressful job and work long hours. But that’s just my opinion on the matter.

[jansdad]

That must be one amazing kid. Kids mature must faster than we give them credit for. Especially if circumstances warrant it.

I wrote a post once here how to install K9 without the help of others, let me know if you want me to look for it. I wouldn’t know about the Kindle though.

About kidding ourselves, yes, that’s what we do best. I haven’t gambled for almost two months, didn’t have urges till couple of days ago when I thought I could play a poker tournament and see how it goes. Luckily a friend talked me out of it.
We’re never safe, we’ll never be non-gamblers. 🙁

[jansdad]

Day #50 today. Doing ok, no urges. I do wonder however, as butchgirl put it, whether this is just the silence before the storm.
Blockers are in place and i know if it wasn’t for them i probably would have gambled. But they’re there and to get around them would probably take me at least 3 hours, so I don’t bother. As vera once pointed out, there’s something about gambling and instant gratification.
But I don’t have urges, which is good. But I don’t know whether it’s sustainable long term. Would be fantastic if that was the case.

Great job on your 23 days Maverick. I’m proud of you and I root for you.

Regards to you too p. I hope you all are doing ok.

I will check in again soon.

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