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Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)
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  • in reply to: Here I am … I didn’t navigate correctly. #14048
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Jazz – No basketball for me…my kids play, I am too short 🙂  It’s part of my last name, so people call me hoops at work because there are 3 Lisa’s on my floor.  I hope you are staying cool…it is in the 90’s here today.  Hot, hot, hot.  Better than 3 feet of snow anyday 🙂 Talk to you soon!
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: i can do this #13881
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Cat – Excellent choice!  Self-banning is a great plan!  Keep coming out here and posting.  I recently came back to the site after quite a few months of stumbling around by myself thinking I could do this on my own.  I journal everyday…no matter if anyone posts back (although it is nice to hear from others :).  You will find so many wonderful, caring people out here, it is quite amazing.  Stay strong and take one day or hour at a time.  Hope to hear from you soon.
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Hi #14808
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Pumkin – WOW!  I am so glad for you and our husband!  Self-banning is tough to do.  The first time I did it, I thought I was going to pass out.  Thank you so much for your post of encouraging and inspiring words.  Now that you are both supporting each other and you are coming out here to post and chat, you are going to make it!  I look forward to reading more from you and learning from your experiences.  Have a wonderful day!
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Here I am…Yet again… #14650
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Maria,
    I have been reading your posts.  I have the same weirdness about money that you do.  The less I have, the more I want to go gamble.  You can kick this!  You know what to do.  I have been "quitting" for so long now I can’t remember when I started.  I have also had dreams like that…gambling plays many tricks on our minds and screws with us relentllessly until we stop letting it control us.
    I just came back to this site a few weeks ago after I banned from the 2nd casino I started going to after banning from the 1st one.  I was doing great until I went out to a local bar that we can gamble at – can’t ban myself from there.  I just have to stop going there on my own.
    The last slip, mess up or whatever we call it happened on Friday, June 3rd.  This time I almost lost my best friend of 38 years.  Let me tell you…I have felt bad, low, mad at myself, told myself this is the last time over an over, but this was the wake up call I have needed for years.  When you on on the verge of losing people you love, it is time to stop!
    Talk to you soon,
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Here I am … I didn’t navigate correctly. #14046
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Good Morning Jazz! 
    Carole is so right about not trying to fix everything immediately.  I am the same way, I want things to be back to the way they were in a neat and tidy box 🙂  Then I would mess it up and try to fix it again.  I think some of us are expert fixers and when we mess up again, we fix it and it is a viscious circle.  I think I am addicted to fixing my checkbook balance.  I play all sorts of games moving money around and getting it just right and then one night blows it all up and I have to start over.  I am getting quite sick of doing that, which is good! 
    I have separate accounts from my husband’s.  I think you said you have the same setup.  I have asked him numerous ***** if we could put our money together and he always says no.  He is a tough ****** and doesn’t believe in having to get help or talking out feelings or any of that "sappy" stuff as he says.  We don’t fight often and if we ever do, it is usally something to do with money.
    Anyway, enough about that!  Good luck on finding something to fill your time, you will find something that you enjoy. I have started donating money to causes I am interested in.  It seems better for them to get it than the machines – right!  As a CG, it is hard to give up money for anything besides gambling, so this is helping me to see that money can do lots of good, not just bad.
    I hope you have a great day Jazz!  Talk to you soon,
    Lisa
     Not Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14147
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Laura! 
    Yes, Steph, my friend, has gambled more than she ever thought she wouldover the years.  Her mom and step-dad practicallly live at the casino.  One of the really, really bad tastes she has from is was when her step-dad took a $400 ticket from a machine that a drunk person left there and gave it to her mom to play with, unbeknownst to her mom!!!  So the next time her mom was at the casino, security came and got her and questioned her and made her pay the money back right on the spot.  Her step-dad denied he did it and left his wife hanging.  Not pretty.
    Steph has also had to sit with me countless ***** waiting for me to be done gambling or has just left me because she had to go and I didn’t.  She has listened to me berate myself, tearing myself down, being mad at myself for being so stupid…on and on.  I have been so determined to quit this time, I think when I gambled on Friday night and she had to go home without me again, it was the last straw.  I will never risk our friendship again.
    Thank you for your support and your posts!
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Now what!!!! #14154
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Diva – How are you doing?  I hope things are going well for you!
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14145
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi All,
    Just got home from work.  Thanks for everyone’s help this weekend.  It was fun talking on the chat earlier today and I hope to get to know more people out here.  I am really feeling strong.
    Good night,
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14144
    hoops1970
    Participant

    It is a beautiful Sunday.  We will be busy getting the final pieces put together for our son’s graduation party on Saturday.  My sister is flying in from Seattle on Thursday night and staying with us for a week.  I have lot’s of plans for us and she does not and never has gambled, so it will not be at all tempting.  That will get me through  the next week and a half.  I hope everyone is having a great day!
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Here I am … I didn’t navigate correctly. #14041
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi Jazz,
    Wow, I read your post.  Good job on self-excluding!  I want you to know that you are not alone.  We have ALOT in common.  My husband is a dairy farmer and has a full-time job as well.  When you wrote, "I want to spend time with you, like normal married people."  OMG, I have said that to my husband so many time over the past 20 years.  He also ignored my gambling and didn’t say anything when I would be at the casino for 12-16 hours at a time.  He was happy if I was distracted from him not being around.  Then he could work as much as he wanted and knew I could not say anything about it.
    You sound like a great person!  I know it is hard to not be down on yourself.  You will work it out.  It will take time…I have been at this for a couple of years and still slipped up just last night.  I hope we can keep communicating out here, I really connected with what you had to say.  Stay strong and take care of yourself.
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: i hope i can change this time….please #14096
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Phillip,
    Thank you for your post today.  Good for you that you made it through Friday.  I wish I could say the same…next Friday I will.  Stay strong and I will too.
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14143
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi P and Everyone,
    You are right.  I will keep on posting and working towards being free of gambling.  Last night was so much fun until I decided to play.  It was not the money that shook me up and woke me up. My best friend, that I met when I was 3 years old, 38 years ago was very mad at me last night and this morning.  I do not blame her for being mad.  We were having a great time and then I decided I could play at little bit.  That was the end of our fun.  I sent her a text last night asking her if she was mad at me.  All she wrote to me this morning was "Not mad, just sick of gambling….".  I knew I was in deep trouble with her.  We are such close friends, it is like she is a part of me.  If I ever lost her friendship, it would kill me.  I have always been so proud that Steph is my best friend, I couldn’t bear it if we were not. I will not jeopardize our friendship ever again. 
    Good night everyone,
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14141
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Hi – Thank you for your posts.  I have mended things with my friend. We are making plans to do other things that do not and will not give me a chance to gamble.  I almost lost my best friend because I wanted to play a game.  Not going to happen.  I am going to continue on with therapy, keep posting, and keep learning from all of you.   Thank you for keeping me accountable and not judging.
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14138
    hoops1970
    Participant

    *****,
    It is Saturday…the weather is beautiful.  I gambled last night.  I ****** off my best friend of 38 years.  That’s all I can say right now.
    Lisa

    in reply to: Digging Out Day by Day #14136
    hoops1970
    Participant

    Friday is here – 10 days gamble free.  I am going to have to be extra strong tonight.  I am going out tonight…I am only bringing the cash I need for dinner, drinks, taxi….that’s it.
    LisaNot Gambling…one day at a time

Viewing 15 posts - 1 through 15 (of 23 total)