[Emma8]

I’m sorry I haven’t posted in so long. Over two months it seems! I just wanted to check in to say hello and let you know that I’m still gambling free. I’m feeling good about my growth as I have been recognising different triggers which appear, which used to encourage me to gamble. They don’t have the same impact anymore. Emails still arrive in my junk sometimes, despite my best efforts to remove and unsubscribe from everything. Previously I would have been tempted to click through, now I just delete. Boredom used to be a big problem for me too and I was terrified of the pandemic lockdown being one great big stretch of boredom, but I’m pleased to say that hasn’t been the case. I have found a new income stream which clicks well with my creative side, selling card designs through an online retailer. (When my other work dried up I had to figure something out, like many others). I love the design side of things and watching my progress grow with sales every day. It is entirely possible that I’m not tempted to gamble because I’m happier. Whatever the reason, I still know not to get complacent. I do my best to be vigilant, wary of potential triggers and being sure to respond in the right way. It’s a long road but it feels good!

[Emma8]

Steev, this is speaking to me so much today.

I haven’t thought about gambling for a couple of weeks now.

Then a moment ago I received an email from an online casino which I’ve previously self excluded from. I clicked on the unsubscribe button at the bottom, which of course took me through to the website. In that moment I thought, maybe I could just play for a short while.

Oh my goodness, I’m so glad that I have the strength to step away and come here.

Right now, this afternoon, I’ve been feeling a bit negative. Naturally, gambling seemed like a good option when I was reminded of it. Something to ease the negative mood.

I’m going to turn off my laptop now, spend some time cleaning and then meditate. I will feel so much more productive afterwards and so so positive. What a turnaround!

[Emma8]

Yesterday marked week 4 of being gambling free!

It’s also the day that I found out something bad had happened in the family. It was a scary, busy, exhausting day (anyone who has done the mad dash to the hospital knows what I mean) that went by in a flash somehow. Thankfully, recovery is looking good and we can all breath a sigh of relief today.

I’m sitting reflecting now and had a realisation. In that time of stress and worry I didn’t think about gambling once. That showed me that gambling is not a crutch for me. I don’t rely on it. It isn’t something that I look to for help and support.

This might seem like a weird way to look at it, but for me I’m learning what gambling means to me and I’m very grateful for this realisation.

So yay to four weeks and yay to the amazing NHS that are making recovery possible for my loved one. Looking forward to having them home soon and feeling good about the future.

[Emma8]

That really makes so much sense. As with anything we spend a lot of time on in life, it becomes ingrained doesn’t it? I really like the thought of it fading over time, that’s a very reassuring image.

[Emma8]

I think I had a dream last night that I was gambling.
It’s very faint, but I’m sure I dreamt I was playing the online slots and just a couple of spins in felt really disappointed with myself for breaking my GF run.

Just shows, even when we don’t think it’s in our minds much anymore it’s there somewhere in the background.

I’m taking it as a big positive that I stopped myself so quickly and felt so little satisfaction from it, even if it was just a dream. It reminds me of the lack of joy that gambling would bring if I was to start again.

Another small step in the right direction!

Tomorrow marks four weeks and it feels like both no time a tall and forever since I last used the slots. Does that even make sense?

[Emma8]

Very very soon you will be at 30 days and one third of the way towards that 90 day milestone that you spoke about!

Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s so motivational to watch the progress isn’t it? That is definitely overpowering any urges for me right now. I’m just so much happier.

[Emma8]

This is going to take some growth and learning to get through, but you cannot chase wins and you cannot gamble with “just a little bit”.

I’m going to sound very blunt here, but you’re kidding yourself and asking for trouble. Stop looking at the money you’ve lost. This cannot be fixed with gambling. Instead look forward. As your salary comes in you will slowly replace your savings. This is the only way to do it.

Block yourself from any alternative finance. Tell your wife you are having the urge to gamble. She’ll help and be grateful for your honesty.

If you haven’t already, block yourself from EVERYTHING possible.

Right now you are in a tricky space where the habit isn’t out of your system and you haven’t learnt how to live without gambling. Sadly addictions always pose a risk to us, but you can move on from this and out of this really tough time!

[Emma8]

That’s really kind of you to say, thank you!

I’m so excited for you to celebrate your two week mark. It really does feel so good to tick each milestone off! Keep going and make sure to celebrate every tiny win.

[Emma8]

It’s so wonderful to hear that you are making such brilliant progress! Having a debt leftover from gambling can be a sore reminder of what you’ve been through, I know the feeling too well, so paying it all off completely will be such a freeing experience.

I’m so sorry to hear about your neighbour. It is scary to know that these things can happen without warning.

[Emma8]

I love the idea of a morning routine. I’ve “tried” so many times, but honestly that just means picking up a habit for a few days then forgetting about it again.

Moving forward I think I’ll start my own morning routine to help my own growth. Thank you for sharing!

[Emma8]

I’m exactly the same. That’s why the title of this post has again…again. It happens so easily if you don’t keep your guard up.

The sun just came out after pouring rain as I typed this reply. I’m seeing progress in so many different ways! Oh and of course, feeling proud too.

[Emma8]

Thank you! All the positive wishes to you as well.

It really does make you feel free doesn’t it? 🙂

[Emma8]

Today marks three weeks gambling free! It actually feels like a lifetime since I last gambled. That maybe suggests that I miss it a bit and I need to watch that reaction to make sure I don’t fall down again.

I’m excited to celebrate my progress but I’m not getting complacent. Looking forward to celebrate one full month!

[Emma8]

I was going to continue the discussion above, but I think you’ve said everything important.

While recovery happens in the background, have a wonderful day with friends and family!

[Emma8]

Sometimes it is really possible to step back and realised the wonderful life that is available to us without gambling and the joy that we get from something as simple as going for a hair cut with the money we’ve saved. Other times, nothing in the world seems to be able to mask that urge to waste money on the rush.

I don’t think it’s always possible to rationalise the addiction. I think that, as you said, we just have to use the tools around us to make sure that we remain gambling free.

Today will power and sheer confidence in a better life will do the trick, tomorrow therapy and support from others may be the only successful option. There is no right answer.

[Author]

Posts