[Don14765]

Hello Kin:
I hope you are feeling better!
I found out by responding to someone’s
Post & I feel bad when anyone goes through
A difficult struggle…

Kin /other gambling recovery folks :
It’s tough to stay gamble -free-
I won’t lie….
I find I’m easily triggered by something someone said the previous day, or dealing with a rude customer, or something going wrong at my school board work….

I now try to realize just how much money (thousands!)
I’ve lost trying to win “the big one”
I admit I have a gambling issue…
But I seem to be in denial about how much I’ve spent /lost
In the past years …
Someone
Made the suggestion of taking my expired/lost tickets I get out of thelottery machine, and hang them on my door of my computer desk, and add up just how much I’ve lost ….it’s mind boggling!!!

Hopefully this will show me just how much I’ve spent in the past(and lost!!)

And also, I am trying to realize that when I have a bad day, people are bothering me/rude customers/tough day doing my school board job ….that tomorrow will be a brighter day, and even if it isn’t ;gambling or escaping to gambling isn’t going to solve my issues! it just makes me feel worse, because then I feel bad afterwards I spent the money and lost the money on gambling😩

[Don14765]

JVR: I am happy for you that you have a rental
Car until your car’s brake lines get fixed…
And yes-
At least they caught it before you got into an accident-
Gratitude on that one for sure…
I lived with my ex fiancé (she’s now married to someone else)
For 4 years …
We had a double income…
It’s now been 8 years that I’ve lived on my own ….
You will learn to budget based on one income
…
It may require some time to get used to, but I’m sure that you can do it:)

Kudos to you for having money Saved up for an emergency like the one you faced
With your car
Going into the shop..
And great that you were able to avoid the
Temptation of the casino nearby…

It’s indeed tough when
We have a bad day- emotional…
Things not going well/right
But there’s always tomorrow-
And I find that usually
Tomorrow is a better day….

[Don14765]

Rising: you’re welcome & I certainly
Get quite a bit from reading your posts …
I try and read all the journal posts…
Info is extremely helpful…

Yes-
This disease can be cunning, baffling and powerful for sure….
You are doing great with your money-
Fantastic idea to allot your money where it needs to go…

Stagnant money is a temptation for me as well..
Even if you get the thoughts of gambling;
You can’t gamble if you don’t have money –

That’s a wise decision on your part….

I don’t believe we are ever “healed”

Your sobriety is awesome -lots of time in
Recovery…..
I just know we always have to be on
The lookout for that moment when
We’re upset/ angry ,perhaps at someone.. lonely or excessively
Tired ….

That’s a weak moment in our day when
Perhaps the old feelings come back
And Try
To haunt -try to offer a
“Soothing “ alternative-which many
Times has made me feel worse !!

Staying away from the disease is always best
And on those weak days(I have many!)

Is a test to reach out to others and
No be ashamed to ask for help….
I am
Learning all this one step at a time…

Hope you have a great gamble-free day!!

[Don14765]

Hi JVR3419: your recent post definitely resonates with me….
Had a day today when negative feelings
Crept in- yet I’m keeping myself busy…
Delivered some food , went to the gym, etc
Whenever something negative happens
I always act/ feels like it’s the end of the world?
There’s always tomorrow
And yes- you’re right- the bad will
Come to an end …
Even though at the time it doesn’t feel
Like it…..
Important to make a gratitude list for sure ..
Very helpful suggestions/ advice ..
Thanks !

[Don14765]

Rising: I am happy to hear you are trudging the road of success!
You’ve made great strides ….
Serves as a great inspiration for other gamblers- like me !

The only thing I would like to say different about myself is that I have no power over this addiction at all, every time I think I can control it, or I have “will power“ then I go out and try and gamble then I get even more broke, more frustrated and more upset that I have lost more money …I am learning there is no easy fix, and we have to do one day at a time for sure:)

[Don14765]

Thanks for your rigorous honesty, JayMay22…
There
Are times when I believed I could “control”
Gambling- try and enjoy it ….
Sometimes I had really good weeks, everything seemed to be in “control“

Then I hit a wave -a wave of “ this person is making me angry, or I don’t like working with this person or some thing about my job or people that I didn’t like“

Then I would fantasize about winning the lottery so that I could retire ,and then I got the silly idea of “I am going to make it happen“

Well hundreds or even thousands of dollars later …
I’ve NOT won the lottery …
I have surrendered my journey
To winning anything substantial
And I try very hard
To look at my good points
And also to perhaps realize that
Maybe
That person
That triggered me today or yesterday
Is having a bad day
And inadvertently took their frustrations
Out on me….
Of course this all sounds great if I am having a good day and I feel positive and strong! But when I feel sensitive, it can be a challenge ;but then I try and realize what happens when I do decide to gamble my money that I sometimes end up in a worst spot than I was before and even more broke…

So yes- one day at a time
And
Always remember where my gambling got me ….further in debt!!

[Don14765]

Rising : thanks again for being rigorously honest ….
It shows how your recovery is coming along
And also shows the newcomer like myself that
I’m
Not the only one that battles temptations..
That
Must provide a good deterrent for you- being debt free and knowing
That gambling has probably caused
That massive debt (you mentioned it last post )
You accumulated??
That’s a great motivator!
I hope you’re able to find the next steps
That help you stay gamble- free
So you can keep us up to date
On how many days you’ve been gamble free !

I like The fact that you post how many days you’ve been gamble free, you must look at that and say “boy I certainly do not want to start at day one again”

I know I’d want to keep up the great recovery work & work whatever steps
Necessary to protect that sobriety…

[Don14765]

JVR: yes ! Very important to concentrate on getting our life back on track
And feeling more secure with our own selves…
I know I lack confidence and probably seek it in others…
When I get down or feel insulted –
Usually the addictions(I have more than one )
Creep in and
Try to convince me to indulge
In them…
I always feel worse after ….
So I try to avoid letting people or situations bother me …
And no- you certainly don’t need
Another toxic relationship
Ruining your recovery ….

[Don14765]

Hi Rising Phoenix:
Thanks for your rigorously honest post…
Kudos to you for all the hard work you’ve
Done to get debt- free
From gambling…!
That’s quite the debt…
And for me; that would be nearly
Impossible to over come
BecAuse I don’t make great money..
I make enough to get by
And no doubt gambling has cut down my ability
To save ….
Being 57yrs of age
I’ve been warned last week
I’m nearing the retirement phase
Of my life…

And I don’t really have the money
To retire anytime soon

So your post- especially when you said
“The temptation to gamble my money can never
Find a place in my life again”
is
Is a huge help/ realization for me
That I was headed down a dark road
For which I may not have ever found
My way back..
So..
Congratulations on your journey
And your great accomplishments!

Your success provides
A learning platform for people like me-
I’m pretty much a newcomer….
And I’m learning
I’m stubborn
And I now have to give up
My “control “ (which I have none of!)
Of any thoughts of gambling
Because all I’ve done is lose…
Also-
When you stated “now that I’m debt free; I’ll be even more careful than before “

I also want to follow that great advice!
I recently got a loan from the bank
To pay off debt;
I’d hate to travel
Down that dark road of gambling and lose whatever momentum I’ve gained …thank you for helping me realize this 😀

• This reply was modified 3 years, 1 month ago by Don14765. Reason: Adding a little more

[Don14765]

Kin: thanks for your help/reply on this thread-it’s much appreciated! I hope to be of help to others
if I possibly can…pass on whatever useful knowledge that I can….

That is very good question you’ve have asked and I have a couple of thoughts/ideas …
first off…I know I can be a sensitive person…having said that;
I think sometimes I let too many possible minor things bother me..
and then I reach for my drug[s] of choice…
gambling being the main one….

Yesterday I had a couple of instances at work that I could have let bother me…but instead I
chose to look at some positive points of my day -to the best of my ability-
and chose not to allow these issues to bother me.
Also …I’ve done a “cost benefit” analysis and I am in shock as to
how much I’ve lost trying to bet or
even play the lottery..
I always seem to spend more money than I initially intended;
and I never win much….
making gambling a “chore” which I no longer enjoy at any level …

[Don14765]

JVR: yes- you’re
Right ! We’re not bad people…just
That the addiction feels like it can provide us with some kind of escape
From our pain…

The addiction has brought me nothing but pain
And aggravation and more
Broke
Than I was before ..
Yes- I would
Avoid any big triggers such as a toxic/ negative dealing with somebody
For sure ….
And I also struggle with loneliness…
Feelings of
Inadequacy…
I once heard an acronym
That makes total sense
It is : HALT…
It says to warn us when we are Hungry, angry , lonely or tired…
Or a combination of those..
And to take extra caution
If we are feeling any of those..,,
Those 4 things can also be a big trigger

And possibly cause us a set-back in our recovery…

[Don14765]

JVR: I lost both my parents 4 years ago…
So yes- cherish your parents and spend time with them when you can….
You can be grateful for them for sure 🙂
I am also mostly alone…
I talk to my siblings occasionally, but we never were a close family…
I was really close with my Dad…
So
Yes- loneliness can be a trigger for me as well

Sometimes in those cases
Even though it’s hard I try to
Tell myself good things about who i am
-like my memory…
And my work ethic …etc
I’m sure there are great qualities about yourself if you look inside
And search …
I believe we all have good qualities
And we are all unique from each other …
I’m happy you had a good time today
With your parents 🙂

[Don14765]

Losing it: yes- we are all here to support one another….
Or At least try to….please try and refrain
From leaving such harsh replies-I am no doubt a sensitive person-your reply triggered me into
Thinking “well- guess I’m a loser anyways”
I always try to type with a positive reply
In order to help
The posting person out …
I feel
You could have gone about your reply
In a different direction.…

[Don14765]

Dark Energy:
That’s good-
I’d like to think I can offer some support
Here and there 🙂
How is your day going today?
I find some days I can think about other things; for me it’s my interest in guitar,
Puzzles and some TV….
And there are other days it feels like gambling is creeping in my mind almost every minute
I’m guessing that’s why we have to take this “one day at a time “

[Don14765]

Rising: you’re welcome for the support
I want to be able to help
As well as get help 🙂
Kudos to you for transferring money to your family when you know that’s the best thing for you …
And yes -I need to
Learn to not take any risks losing money as well…
Thanks for being a example of how it can
Be done to a newcomer like myself!

[Author]

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