[cat438]

Hi (((Vera)))  Firstly, thanks for posting on my site. I hope and pray that you were stronger than me and did not give in to the gambling.  What a horrible addiction it is… we feel we are doing great then all of a sudden, wham bang we slip.  It reminds me of walking along happy, singing away to yourself the world is wonderful – then out of nowhere you get this big dark cloud that takes over your mind.. says come with me… maybe, just maybe, I am no longer a compulsive gambler, I am a responsible gambler… then once again the proof is there… I am not a responsible gambler…. Wishing you well and all the best in 2012…. and may all your dreams come true… One day at a time… and we can live in the NOW.One day at a time my sweet lord…

[cat438]

Hi Caron, thanks for your posts, it has really helped.  I know that I slipped twice, but to get me back on track I am thinking that the last time I slipped it was three *****… so if it is two ***** this time… then I have achieved something.  I have really been trying to figure out why I slipped and i know that I was really scared getting close to day 90 as that is when I had slipped the last time. I don’t ***** the days as I find that can be a trigger for me.  For some reason though I had it in my head when I would be at day 90 and then day 100 and I slipped on day 104.  I had not been coming to GT as much and well the rest is history.  I will go with Vera’s thoughts and live in the NOW.  What’s done is done – we can’t change it.  We can fight these urges and continue on our recovery – one day at a time.  Wishing you a day free of gambling.One day at a time my sweet lord…

[cat438]

Thanks Hope, Caron and Pumpkin for your posts.  I really did not want to come back here as I have slipped again.  I know that if I dont come back I will continue so I need to come back and face what I have done.  I hate myself right now.  I am scared that I am on that road again.  I know more than anything that I need to get back on track and come to GT and face the challenges.   I ask myself did I really enjoy myself and I can honestly say the answer is NO.  I hate how I go and I can’t move from a machine… it’s as if I am mesmerised.  In my head I keep saying I am leaving…. but I did not leave until my last dollar was gone….  so what does it prove… yet again, it proves I am a compulsive gambler.  I am not a responsible gambler.  I am trying to figure out why I wanted to go… I was doing so well and I don’t know what made me want to go… I am trying to analyze what happend.One day at a time my sweet lord…

[cat438]

I don’t know why I slipped but I did.  I knew that I was having urges and I don’t know why either.  It was as if I was telling myself I could go once.  It was a strange feeling at first just walking around the casino watching people gambling.  I though I might just leave and not gamble, then I thought I will just play $40 for fun and everyone knows how stupid that is.  I am trying to figure out why I went.  It was as if I was planning for my slip.. I was giving myself permission to go gamble.. Why would I do that to myself.  On Friday night I wanted to go, but know I came straight home… so proud that I managed to stop myself.  I went out today shopping and I was not planning to go, but the thought came and I found myself driving to the casino…  I went through all the lies to myself… I am not going to beat myself up though.  Tomorrow is a new day and I will continue to fight this cg addiction one day at a time.  It’s still December 31 here…. so I hope and pray that 2012 will be a gamble free year for me and everyone on GT. But I am just going to focus on the NOW and one day at a time.One day at a time my sweet lord…

[cat438]

Thanks for you post yesterday and all your other posts … it really helpsOne day at a time my sweet lord…

[cat438]

Hi Kathryn – I have been reading some of your thread – not finished it all yet -but congratulations on your gamble-free time.  It is important for the newbies to read threads like yours it gives us hope that we can do it.  It is scary sometimes, but there are so many wonderful and caring people on the site… and on the GT Helpline and that is really helping me.  I will continue reading your thread and working on my gamble free life.  The last day I place a bet was June 12, 2011 which is one month today…. I never thought I would get to that so it is one day at a time.  Thanks again and also for letting me share… Take care and just for toay I will not gamble.  One day at a time my sweet lord….

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