[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hello all! I feel like I’ve fallen off the face of the earth lately and have not had time to update. Between working like an absolute loon due to unforseen circumstances and a bout of illness I haven’t been able to update for quite a while.

I am so pleased to say I have beaten my previous one month record and have not gambled for 45 days! I can’t wait to hit the 50 day mark!

Keeping myself busy really is helping, I haven’t thought about gambling in a while and have even saved some money, so feeling very positive at the moment.

Update soon xx

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hi all, currently on day 18 or 19 GF.

Meant to update a few days ago but work has been hectic and between writing (its keeping me busy!) I forgot.

I hope everyone following is doing well xx

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hey josh,  that’s good to hear you have loved ones willing you to succeed. 

First step I would take is make an appointment with the citezans advice bureau.  They can help put you in contact with debt consolidation experts and charities who can help.  

I would also check out:

https://www.stepchange.org/debt-info/gambling-debt.aspx

And read this article for ideas:

https://www.moneyexpert.com/news/a-debt-consolidation-loan-could-an-option-for-those-with-gambling-problem-800434713/

Reach out to citizens advice and look up  gambling debt charities in the uk to help further.  

You are 22 so I would persume too young to file bancrupcy,  but with help from these charities some of your debt could be written off and they will help you get a loan that will consolidate your debt so you only pay one payment back to the loan provider. 

Let me know how you get on and good luck!  🙂 

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hi Josh,

Despite the misery and pain of your expriences with gambling, at least you have come to a place where people are rooting for you to succeed.

I can only imagine how trapped you feel, having that debt around you, and for one so young it must feel like you will live your life paying it back.

Are you employed? and where do you live? If you live in the uk i know there are several organisations that can help you consolodate your debt and liase with your creditors on your behalf to help you pay some of your debt off. You will have to be honest about your addiction but it may be an option for you.

All the best, and keep posting,

BBB x

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Oh gosh, reading your story just made me think: ‘Yup. I’ve been there’

I’ve been bored and fed up and needing excitment, and the way the slots whirl and the promise of a big win just out of reach (maybe the next spin right?) was that excitment i needed. Like you, i started with bingo (online, not clubs) and i enjoyed it for a time, what the with roomies and sense of community and a few very nice wins. But it was when i started clicking on slots and winning £30 a spin (more than the house prize in the speed bingo rooms i played in) i knew i was hooked. I won money fast, and lost money faster.

I kept this up until the losses outweighed the wins, and i knew i was in trouble.

As K has said, you are in the right place. This is a healthier community for us to be in, rather than with workers in bingo halls who know our names or roomies who care nothing for us really.

Everyone here wants you to succeed, and i believe if we all stick together, post often, and support each other, that is easily achievable.

best wishes to you,

BBB X

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hi,

thanks for your comment, it was quite a read! I will do my best to answer your numerous questions, forgive me if i forget to answer any of them.

Firstly, no i do not get paid monthly, i am paid every fortnight. So the urge to gamble after a month is not linked directly to me recieving money, as i have money throughout the month. I can understand why you thought this might be a trigger, but it is not.

I believe i gambled on day 37 for a combination of reasons. Firstly, the VPN failed and this gave me an excuse to do so. Secondally, i had been thinking of gambling for a few days beforehand. And thirdly, and probably most importantly, I was in a very low mood (i suffer with anxiety and depression, and every so often i go through this phase where i feel really down and bored with my life. when i feel like this, i am more than likely to do something self destructive such as drink way too much alcohol or gamble.)

I am aware my conditions make this addiction harder to beat. I have been this way since i was 17, and despite being on medication which has helped a lot, i still have these bouts of extreme apathy and self destructive tendancies a few times each month. I don’t know why, really wish i did.

As for how i had money to gamble, that’s easy. I have had to sell possessions of mine in the past to afford my addiction, but that was only because i had gambled so much. I am far more financially stable NOW than in the past, and am able to save around £100 a  month, sometimes £200 in my current employment (depending on the hours i work) so having that money to gamble with was very easy.

To limit this i have decided i will be saving any money in cash from now on, rather than in my bank account. having money sat in my savings account is dangerous to me, so i will be removing the risk when i next save.

I hope i have helped answer some of your questions (apologies for the probably horrendous typos but im on my phone and spell check is currently turned off)

I understand what you mean about one day at a time, and as with others who have commented i am going to try my best to head your advice and look at it that way, but i know this will be difficult for me.

Thanks again for commenting, i really appreciate it 🙂

 

BBB X

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Thank you Jimmy, vera, velvet and K,

I have read your comments and I have taken them to heart. Thank you for taking the time to write them!

I suppose I should explain my mindset a bit. I am the kind of person who must have deadlines and goals. And considering I am so far unable to reach a month, these goals seem out of reach. But I have to think four months because my brain is wired that way.

However I am also determind to take your advice on board and will be thinking one day at a time. I can see the sense in thinking this way, but I also think one day at a time is a bit dangerous for me. What if I gamble next week? Is it back to one day at a time. How can you put a limit on a behavior when you aren’t ruling out the possibility of not doing it again. This is why I have goals or set time limits I suppose.

I apologize if this dosent make much sense, our brains are tricky things and put gambling or any addiction into the mix and it makes things ten times more complicates.

BBB xxx

[ButterflyBeeBee]

I won’t lovely 🙂 

Thank you. 

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Day 1 again.

So today I woke up and surprisingly I’m in an ok mood.

Have found out I am going on holiday end of October and my hours in work have increased, and I am filled with a determination to work and save hard.

I have contacted gamban and complained about about the VPN failing and have accepted my mistakes and loss of money.

I have not been updating regularly and I am determind to rectify that and post more in the forums.

I will smash the month target and I am now aiming for five months being gamble free ready for new years (my original goal was 6 months)

This is a struggle and I have messed up. But no matter how many times I have failed I have always tried again.

Update soon.

BBB x

[ButterflyBeeBee]

So today I have been feeling low. Thinking about gambling constantly. It was day 38 today. And then the VPN protecting my phone from accessing gambling sites stopped working. What did I do? Promptly blew £150 of my hard earned savings. Sad thing is I just feel so numb about it all. Back on the horse and back to day 1 tomorrow 🙁 Thank you to everyone who is following me.

[ButterflyBeeBee]

So I have made it past day 30!

Instead of gambling like I wanted to (really bad cravings and thoughts to gamble. Thank god for gamban on both my laptop and phone!)

Instead of gambling away money this payday I have bought some lovely boots and jumpers ready for the autumn.

Feeling positive at the moment! Will update at day 40.

K,

Congrats on nine years! That is incredible! I know what you mean about that horrible sinking feeling.

I pray you never have to feel that feeling again xxx

[ButterflyBeeBee]

I have actually had a lot to deal with the last few days,  which has taken my mind if gambling.  However the TV adverts for bingo and slots have got my attention as I knew they would.  I suppose I’m thinking ‘you’ve got to a month,  your fine so you can gamble if you want’

The sensible part of my brain knows I can’t.  But the other side is just like ‘you Havnet gambled in ages so its fine’

Thank you so much for your comment,  your words mean a lot to me.  How are you doing on your journey? 

[ButterflyBeeBee]

So tomorrow is day 30 the dreaded one month and I am finding myself thinking about gambling A LOT. Really need your help and support here guys 🙁

Taking each day as it comes now. Determind to make it to two months.

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hello all,

It has been seventeen days since I last gambled. As I fins myself getting closer to the month milestone I find myself thinking. More of gambling, which is riduculos considering my hours have been cut and I am barely scraping by!

Plan on just reading the forums and keep checking in.

As always your support is so appreciated abd cherished.

Best wishes to all x

[ButterflyBeeBee]

Hi guys, so I am currently on a mini break in Weston super mare and I have got to say- there is gambling everywhere! Arcades and slot machines! Thankfully my vice was online gambling (liked the annonymity of it I suppose) so I am not tempted, even if I am reminded about how common place gambling has and is becoming.

Thank you very much for everyone who has responded or is following I appreciate it very much, especially Monica and Laura for clarifying for me.

When the month roles around I will be updating far more regularly here than what I have been doing to keep myself grounded and focused.

Again I really appreciate anyone who takes the time to read or write a quick message, and when I get back on Wednesday I plan on spending some time on the forums and really going through them myself.

Best wishes to all xxx

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