[bruce1234]

Sorry to read your news about the baby Bettie. I hope your daughter jen is ok.

[bruce1234]

Originally posted by bettie

I’ve spent two months complaining and crying about my "relationship", the lonely days when my phone didn’t ring-not even once-feeling like no one cared if I was alive or dead. It has been a stressful couple months-and I had an opportunity to clean the slate with this man-tell him I was done and not to call me again. Did I do it? Of course not. Why? I am sick. I really need medical attention. I can’t blame him anymore for my own self loathing. I do it to myself.
To answer your question Larry I do believe I found what I was looking for. I wanted to punish myself, and I did it very well.

WOW  bettie,
can i ever relate to what you said here – i feel for you and for myself right now. I hope we can chat sometime.
i was in a relationship that i ended last august, that i now regret ending it, although i am pretty sure that the relationship was no good for me i miss it all the same, somehow right now it seems that it was at the least better than being alone. 
i often wondered if i gambled to punish myself, i know that afterwords i would somtimes slap myself silly in the face calling my a stupid idiot, this certainly was me punishing me for gambling.
take care""THERE’S ONLY US, THERE’S ONLY THIS,FORGET REGRET OR LIFE IS YOURS TO MISSNO OTHER ROAD, NO OTHER WAY, NO DAY BUT TODAY"

[bruce1234]

I myself beleive and feel for me it was not about the money – because i know that no matter how much i would win i would just want to keep playing and playing until i had no money left to play and that was always the sadest time of the night not because i had lost a grand, but because i could not play anymore.

[bruce1234]

Jen your words saved me $100 bucks today – I fought the urge to gamble by remembering the word delusional.
Thank-you very much

[bruce1234]

Thanks to all you for your comments. I keep reading the word "barriers". FYI today i put up a barrier I gave my credit card to my mother. I now need to take action and put up a barrier with my bank card. I can have the bank not allow any cash withdrawls from the instant tellers, its not a magical solution but its a start.
May the force to fight the urges be with you and also with me.

[bruce1234]

"delusion of a compulsive gambler"
delusional thats a great description Jen

[bruce1234]

Hi
i also feel alone and overwelhelmed.
i feel a in a 24/7 shadow person to not gambling.
when left to my own i give into my urges.
and i’m a lot like sucks2bme i will never gamble again until i get the paycheque and then all is forgotten.
i’m new to this site, and i’m hopefull.

[bruce1234]

It`s payday and I am almost scared to cash my cheque.  I have arrived home from work and refusing to leave the house tonight. I have opened ny first beer and I will drink at least 4 because then I know I will not go out – don`t drink and drive.  I will have to go to the bank to deposit my cheque eventually because there are always bills to pay but not today. Today I will not gamble thank-you Jesus.

[bruce1234]

Amyy and Jen, thanks so much for your thoughts and your support.
I do feel better today, as i knew i would but not that much better, know the depression has set in. That feeling of
"lost cause" as I refer to it. But after reading your replies things are looking up, tomorrow is payday and I’m more
determined then ever not to give in to the urge. Thanks again hope too chat again soon
 

[bruce1234]

I agree with Gordie gambling is an option and as long as it exist it will be.
It is our decision not to gamble.

[bruce1234]

I agree with Gordie gambling is an option and as long as it exist it will be.
It is our decision not to gamble.
 

[bruce1234]

thanks for all you stories, i will keep telling myself i will never win and to not gamble just for today….
 
 

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