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Things are going pretty good!

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Can’t believe it’s been 4 weeks already! Things have improved quite a lot these past weeks. My head is clear, I’m making better choices, have more willpower and my mood has been good. I have not thought about gambling at all really, and my first thought when I wake up is no longer the money I’ve lost. I know I’m not completely out of the woods yet but I’m feeling good about it this time. Gonna catch up on my everyone’s journals to see how their doing. Day 28 and feeling great!

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Pay day tomorrow, a painful reminder I could have been one month gamble free but oh well. Things are going okay, and I’m in a okay mood, everything is just ok. I’ve been eating healthier and have a lot more energy, but still can’t help raiding the cupboards during the evening. I blame it on the munchies, I’m really gonna have to stop smoking the green stuff. It will save me a lot of money, but it’s mainly for my mental health. The no drinking is not going to great, I have a beer or 2 after work so nothing extreme, but if I wasn’t such a lightweight I’m sure I’d be going through a bottle of wine every night. Gambling hasn’t even really crossed my mind, don’t miss it for a second. It feels different than last time, when I got up to day 22 I was still thinking about it all the time. Really think I’m going to be able to stay away this time, I banned myself from most online casinos but ive signed up to so many I forget. Goodbye gambling, I will not miss you.

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Thank you Stevie! Really good to hear your on 4 weeks! keep it up:)

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I’ve been lacking motivation these last few days but im still gamble free and to be honest I don’t see myself gambling any time soon, I’ve fallen out of love with it. I’ve come to realise that gambling is just the tip of the iceberg and I’ve just been using it as a way to forget about all my other problems. In a way losing is what I enjoyed because it hurt me so bad that’s all I could focus on, and losing was the only thing that made me feel anything. Even after a big win I wouldn’t feel much, i didn’t even care about the money and I still don’t, I could be a millionaire and I would still be unhappy. There is so much about my life I want to change, right now I’m just existing rather than living. The only time I have motivation to change is after a big loss, but it always seems to go away after a few days. Today my motivation has spiked again, and I didn’t even have to throw away all my money to make it happen so that’s defiantly a a positive. I’ve been making better choices everyday, sometimes it’s only a small thing but it’s still something. Just need to remember it’s a marathon not a sprint and you can’t just expect your life to turn around in one week. All I want out of life is to be happy, and that’s never going to happen if I just continue the way I was so I’m going to do it!

hope everyone’s doing good and staying safe x

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missed a couple of days but I’m still going strong. I’ve been feeling quite content lately which is good, but it also means I’m not as motivated. Said I was going to eat healthy and not drink, that hasn’t gone to well, going to have to focus on one thing at a time. Tomorrow it will be 2 weeks since my last cigarette and I’ve not had any urges to gamble so that’s good next I’m going on to really focus on eating healthy. With everything going on in the world I think we all deserve a drink, so that can wait for now.

Thanks for your suggestions, will be checking them out later. Hope everyone is doing good during these tough times, stay strong x

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wow I knew work would be quiet but not this quiet. My positive attitude hasn’t been so great today. My problem is that I’m worrying about things I don’t need to worry about. I create scenarios in my head and believe that’s the only thing that’s going to happen. Right now I’m worried about my hours at work, I’m on a 12 hour contract so it could go down to that at any point, even though I KNOW it won’t happen as I’m one of the most experienced staff. I’m worried about money, even though I’m not in debt and still have a small amount of savings. I’m worried about my family finding out and the shame I would feel. Worried that I’m not going to be save money every month. Always worrying about things that haven’t even happened, and probably won’t happen. How do I make it stop?

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Just got done doing a little home workout, realising how unfit I am. Back to work today after a week off, don’t know what to expect. Mood is okay, once I get in the flow of things it will start to get better. I’ve hit rock bottom now the only way is up, only I can do it, going to make the right choices everyday. No excuses!

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I will treat myself, I always feel so guilty spending money but it’s time to start living life for me! Hope youre doing good xx

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today I wrote everything down, made a plan, set goals for the year, planned my finances and just figured everything out. Going to start a journal as suggested, and try and find a hobby I enjoy doing. I’m feeling the most determined to change yet, but I keep thinking too much. Why should I be happy? I’ve made the dumbest decision of my life. Just need to stop these thoughts and keep thinking positive.

Thanks for the comments and support Steev, Monica and Kolberg. I have no one else to talk to and get advice from so it’s much appreciated. Hope everyone’s doing well and stay safe out there x

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I feel like this is my last opportunity to make things right. I need to stop gambling, stop drinking, carry on with the no smoking, eat healthy. Hopefully then I’ll start to feel good and this is the only way I’ll be able to build my savings up again. If it doesn’t happen now, I’m going to full back into old habits. Don’t think I’d be able to live with myself if I gambled away the last bit of money I had. I’m tired of making these promises and not keeping them. So this is it, now or never.

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here we go again, the morning after day before. Woke up feeling quite angry, ashamed and guilty. Pretty much starting from 0 now. Going to have to start doing a lot hours at work once all this is over. I forgot how much I hate this feeling, it feels like it will never go away but it will eventually. remember that.

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hey Monica, it was a pleasure to meet you as well. well done on trying to give up cigs, it really is tough! I’m doing pretty good I’m pretty much tobacco free now. I just want change my life for the better, I’m hoping if one good thing can come out of gambling it’s that it’s gives me the motiavtion to really sort my life out. life is tough right but we can get through this. 

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really didn’t think this would happen but here I am. another big loss. But it’s okay, time to learn from my mistakes and move forward, even more determined than before. I’m not going to let gambling take over my life. No excuses this time, banning myself on every casino and Going to make sure I come on this site everyday even if I don’t have anything to say. I feel kinda selfish writing this with everything that’s going on in the world right now, oh poor me I lost some money, but its the only thing that’s going to make me feel better. This is the last day 0! Onwards and upwards!

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last day of work then a week off…maybe. I picked a really convenient to book time off 🙂

16 days gamble free! I’ve already seen changes:
The days don’t seem to blur into one anymore
Down to 3 cigs a day.
Managed to watch an entire tv series without getting bored for the first time in a year.

stay safe everyone x

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