[Ady]

Exactly, it should make it clear that is something that we did in our past, and it should stay that way, in the past. Of course future will look much different than we thought. And about jobs, I certainly hope there will be plenty, still. The one thing I wanted to point out is how stupid I was to not save something, and it’s even more scary when I think about my age. But until I will rest in peace, I will still try to fight this mental disease. I just want to try to enjoy the moment and reflect in peace, maybe even make some future plans, scenarios, good ones, where gambling is banned all over, and risking doesn’t have to mean “all in”, but a calculated one, not leaning on pure luck. Stay healthy, that’s all that matter now. 

[Ady]

Ok, so this is our real chance to do something about it. The question here is: how will we maintain this external ban, when it comes to keep those habits away?
What if, and if, when the normal life will return, we will just go back to our damaging habits?
We have to use this imposed jail time to reflect and self suggesting, not to go back to what we used to do, but to use this as a chance for new, clean, and self preserving state of mind.
All of us can think how nice it would have been to have some finance put aside for this kind of times, rainy days, war, or any other kind of emergency, (in this case, pandemic).
Let’s use this, my friends, for a reset.
Have a glass of wine, enjoy and contemplate the view, but be aware and show compassion, the world goes into another era…

[Ady]

Yes, there were some relapses, but all in all, I am satisfied with what went on. I find myself being strong enough not to give in completely. I can do this. It will be done. Some day I will look at this with pride.
Love you all, be strong

[Ady]

Yesterday I went to buy some presents. Didn’t find exactly what I was looking for, but in the end it came out ok. The feeling that I am able to do thar was sooo good. The urge was there, a few thoughts pumped in, but this was an easy debate. I couldn’t let myself be ashamed in front of my colleagues at work. So I just went on pretending like I didn’t pay attention to what was going on in my gambler’s mind. In the end I bought presents even for persons that I am not so close. I ended up with some small change in my pocket, but feeling good.
Merry Christmas to everyone! May the holidays bring you joy and happiness…and lots of inner strength.

[Ady]

Today the urge knocked in, but after 5 min. of debate and a veery tough talk to myself, I managed to kick it away. I just hope I don’t have to do this every single day. I am very much aware that is just a small win, just a small fight, but the battle will be long and hard. But I feel so good about it and proud of myself. Now I have 2 days off, tomorrow I plan to clean the room. Day after tomorrow I have to look for some present. Got to stick with the plan.
Thanks for the advice with the Gamban, but the payments back that have to be done, are far more urgent. As soon as I will have the chance, I will do it. Is just about prioritizing. Many bills to be paid.
Waiting for that paycheck.
And thank you for the encouragement. It does help

[Ady]

Feeling calm and cool. Got some pocket money, don’t feel any urge. Climbing out slowly from that slope. Hope is there, alive. Hard to deal with the thoughts about money. At this point, all thoughts are connected with money, and how to get out of it.
About patience, I never considered it a virtue. But it is. And about this search for a support group nearby, it’s not that easy, I am living in a different country than mine. However, I feel strong enough to handle it by myself. And being here, helps already a lot. Thank you

[Ady]

Day 2. Feeling reeally depressed. I just don’t feel like talking or share. Work colleagues were trying to cheer me up, but it just didn’t work. I simply hope tomorrow will be a better day. Thanks again for all your support

[Ady]

Hi. Somehow I do understand what you are saying. But to me it is still gambling. Why? Because it is driven by the same factors. Greed and not knowing when to stop. Professionals in trading, just as the professional gambler, do not chase losses. They just minimize them. They do take losses as well. But not so high like us. And they seem to have limits. We, addicts, we don’t. For us, if we get to break even, we go again, maybe this time we also win more and more…For them, if they get to break even after a downfall, they call iit a a day, they go home. Investopedia says that trading without deep knowledge is gambling. Like if someone holds a losing position without knowing the exact reason why that stock is going down, and simply hoping it will come back on green, that is already gambling. 

Be strong, keep it up, don’t give chances for relapse. The goal should be to stop completely, not partially.

Keep it up!

[Ady]

Day 1. Went to work, business as usual. Well, yeah, it’s kind of easy now, when I hit the rock bottom, as there are no money left. I know the challenge will come when the salary will be in my account. So far, I can say that it’s good to be busy, keeps the bad thoughts away.
Thanks everyone for the support, it’s good to know I am not alone in this. So far, I did excluded myself from the site where I used to gamble. I know that is just peanuts. I can’t afford for the moment to buy software like Gamban, or any other. I can’t talk to anyone, as I am quite alone, I have no friends (no wonder, after a lifetime of gambling). Around my place are no such things like Gamblers Anonymous. I feel kinda reluctant to go to a medical centre. Might cost a lot, and I’m not sure if the insurance is covering this type of things.
So I have to do it all by myself. I just need to find the right way, even though deep in my mind, some voice says it’s too late. All the time when everything was running well in my life, I was my one and only enemy, always hitting my head, just to ask myself afterwards, why I did it? What was missing there? And every time finding answers that sound like excuses: boredom, rage, lack of love, escaping from daily routine, and on and on…But I want to make it right. I hope I will succeed. Thanks again guys

[Author]

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