[Now-or-never]

I stumbled across this place a couple of days ago and I’m hoping it’s where I can find the strength to finally have a life gambling free. I read some postS, got really motivated and went a whole day with several opportunities to gamble but didn’t (first time in months I took a day off). Today is a different story. Though I managed to walk out losing 1/4th of what I usually do I don’t put that down to control, i just merely ran out of time…. So it’s time to make myself accountable, and begin trying again before I lose everything.

A bit about me. I am a pokies player. I played a little when I was younger but was so obsessed with saving and earned basically nothing that I would gamble no more then 50 and rarely played. Then I met my husband. I remember on one of our first dates he lost 600 causally and I felt sick in the stomach (little did I know back then that would be considered a win to me now to only lose that much). You see my husband earns a lot of money, and would say things like “we don’t need to worry about money” when things like that happened And he had so much saved. Fast forward 8 years that statement really sunk in, but it’s no longer true. During that time I went from rarely playing to playing everyday and the amount I would bet increased 10fold. I have now gotten us into a situation where we should be rolling in it to square in our account… I literally lost 150k in the last 10 months. He’s angry understandably but still by my side… but if I keep doing this he won’t be. He controls all the finances and has been for months, i don’t have cards anymore but I always manage to find a way to get money out, or use the money he left for me to get food for the kids then he has to give me more to cover it. We have a large payment coming in at the beginning of March due to a family member passing away and I don’t want to blow all of that money like I did my savings. I want to stop, draw a line in the sand And cut my loses, I don’t want to be a loser anymore! … but then I tell myself just 200 and I can control it this time… but i know I won’t and it will be 2000.

So here I am, admitting I have a problem in a hope this helps to get the initial few dry weeks out before the payment comes in and prove to myself and him I can do this. If I can make it through the next 2 months then I really believe I can make it. I’ve got one of those personalities that once I put my mind to something I just do it, but it just doesn’t seem to be the way with the pokies.

I don’t know why I gamble. I have the most beautiful kids, loving supporting family and friends, great job, great home. I know if I keep going all of that goes so why do I keep going back?!?!

Tomorrow will be my day 1 again. It’s going to be a hard one as I have the day to myself and I have to have the credit card to pay for my dogs surgery when I pick her up (side note: she’s now fine, surgery was a success). I Really want to succeed! And if I can’t now have to admit it here.

I don’t know if anyone will comment or follow and that’s ok, but I like the idea of making myself accountable in a place of like minded people who know how hard it can be to just not gamble and celebrate those small wins of just getting though a day. For those out there who wish to share, what are some statements to say to yourself when that urge gets so strong and the time is there to do it to help get through it and not walk in?

[Seanraj4731]

Hello and thank you for posting your testimony. This forum indeed help me alot I am now 54 days GF. I encourage you to continue to post on this tread and it going to assist you to observe where you thoughts flows.
Gambling has little to do with financial aspect it has a lot to do with your mind behaviors attitudes towards life. Our focus is going to be from here on in is self reflection self recovery self rediscovery and most important self worth.
You have discovered a forum where people mindset is affected by the habits form over a period of time.
Now you have come to a realization that it has become overbearing and is taking a toll on your life health and relationships.
Now you are awake to self recovery through doing a journal each day to help you recover from this habit.
Congrats on your first day and welcome to the start of your new life..
Stay Positive.
Stay blessed

[Now-or-never]

Thanks for taking the time to read my post! Day 54 that’s fantastic, congratulations!! 

I’ve Just overcome my first hurdle, school dropoff next to the pub that opens at 8. Armed with money for groceries to pick up on the way home i always would pop in there and blow it (then be stuck there for hours on end chasing it back). Today I walked straight past (very very fast) and feeling great about it. Ive thought about getting myself barred from there, problem is where I live I have over 15 pubs in a 1km radius I can visit, I cant Even ***** if I expand it. Self will, belief in my self and as you said gaining back my self worth are my drivers and will be enough

[Now-or-never]

I survived day 1. I had so many opportunities and I managed to talk myself out of walking in. I had so many moment of “just 50 no one will know” but I will and it will never be just 50 or I wouldn’t be here today. I’m Feeling horrible at the moment though, headache and really tired. I think my mind is just so exhausted that it’s catching up with my body. My hubby is so proud of me though, really lucky he is so supportive.
Day 2 should be pretty easy to get through as I have the kids solo so it will be impossible to go into the club. Day 3 I’ve organised for friends to come over which will hopefully make it impossible. The thought of making a whole week is really exciting, I can do this

[Emma8]

I’m definitely no expert, as I’m beginning again for the fourth time, but one thing I have come to understand is that you need to look at why you gamble. Often for me it is because I need more money (and somehow think I can find it in gambling) or I’m just bored.

Keep track of any triggers. Any time you think about gambling, come on here and document it instead of playing.

Also, make sure to self exclude from every casino that you use. Use gambling blocks and any other tools that you can to restrict your access to poker in every way possible.

Good luck, I’m right here with you!

[Seanraj4731]

Good day thank you for replying careful observation on how you speak words to yourself daily is of great importance. You are setting up yourself if you dont seek out the root cause of you going back to gambling.

A simple life hack i doing each day is to do a journal on this forum to help guide and set the tone for the day. It is a daily dose of rewiring of the mind. consistency helps build your self confidence as your main focus is self recovery not too much on losses or money.

Self healing and rebuilding back your health is your main primary focus

be positive

stay blessed

look forward in reading your progress

[Now-or-never]

You guys are right, I need to get to the root cause of why I gamble to help kick the habit. Only problem is I just don’t know! Lots of things take me there
– A hard day with the kids and to switch off (but my girl is 3 and I’ve been gambling hardcore for 8 years)
– the thrill of winning big as I have had 3 big wins (but my first wasn’t until 5 years in)
– killing time, but most of the time I go I don’t actually have time to kill, like a lunch break at work or before work making me late or after work when I should be getting home to make dinner for the kids
– escaping reality maybe, as I do escape when I play but if that’s the underlying cause then that’s really f**ked up as everything I dreamed of having has come true and I’m literally playing for the purpose of escaping that and throwing it all away.

Keeping this journal and writing down what’s happening and when I’m struggling will hopefully help to find the real reason and then it will be easier to deal with that and move on. I’ve thrown at least 8 years down the toilet in savings, but that’s the past. The line in the sand is drawn and I can do this. I can prove to myself I can do this, I can’t make up for what I’ve done but I can make a better future for myself and for my kids.

I’ve put the kids in daycare today, my dog is really struggling with her knee after the operation and keeping mister 2 away from her is too hard. I successfully dropped them off and though I have that voice in my head all the time saying just pop in for only a small play the rest of my head is a lot louder and screaming back He’ll No!

[Now-or-never]

Couldn’t even do 2 days and I broke. Started saying to myself just $50, prove I can have the will power to just do 50 and end up taking out the max I can. Why do I do this!?! I even won back the money then just upped my bets and lost it all! I’m so angry at myself. That voice in my head just got louder and louder and I know I can’t just do 50, I never have! My hubby hasn’t noticed yet I really hope he’s not too angry.
Worst part is I’ve sent the kids to school to look after my dog and I leave her alone for 3 hours and play. Ah I’m so angry at myself

[Steev]

When I was first trying to stop – I remember those voices in my head. One saying “go on – you could “just” do a 10 … you can manage that, if you lose it don’t chase, you can walk away.”
The other saying, “don’t be stupid. You know it won’t stop at 10 – and you will regret it.”
I often gave into the first voice and then agree with the second, (when I had lost 100 or more.)

Later I got to recognise those voices and when I heard the first one try and needle me – I knew I needed to close it down, so chose to do something else to take my mind off things – or I called someone for a chat.

Don’t be angry at yourself, be caring of yourself instead. You have a bad behaviour (gambling) that doesn’t make you a bad person, or a weak one for that matter. Get good support around you.

Finding out the root cause of your gambling is worth doing, but I think in the early stages of stopping, focusing on measures that will keep you stopped is the key. Strengthen your barriers, keep your personal finances to a minimum (hand over to your partner if possible) and find alternatives to keep your mind off things. Later looking at root causes through counselling can be helpful, but I would go down the counselling route as there may be some difficult emotional stuff to deal with and you will need support. I wish you well.

[Seanraj4731]

Its your time now forget what happen its time to move forward, Yes the voice in your head is your mind programmed to set you up. The habit formed within the internal hardwired programme of your mind. key focus now is to rewire and refocus read more on this forum and spend more time researching methods of eliminating that habit. 

Apply yourself to give your self a well deserve treat for being positive about your life.

help yourself to self recovery keep this journal active make it your #1 priority each day you are alive. 

[ARB90]

Hi Now-or-Never. Congratulations on reaching out for support. Don’t be too down on yourself for having a setback in recovery it can happen to anyone. It is important to explore your options with regards to restricting your access to gambling to help you remain gamble free and avoid these temptations. It should provide you with more time to reflect on your impulsive thoughts and urges and resist temptations to gamble. It is a difficult process for sure but gambling addiction is a treatable disorder and with the right support you can beat it. I wish you all the best with your recovery.

[Now-or-never]

Thanks for all your support guys. I managed not to gamble yesterday (though I was super busy so it made it easier) and 3/4ths through today. I’m so physically and mentally exhausted and just stuck in the crappiest of moods but instead of thinking I’ll just go gamble and I’ll feel better I’m blaming it for the way I feel. If I go back how I’m feeling right now will only be worse. If I make it through today it’s the furthest I’ve been (3rd attempts the trick right?!) I really want to do this

[Seanraj4731]

It starts with what you are saying to yourself…

I AM GOING START LIVING MY BEST LIFE NOW

Use this example to hack into that mind set to begin rewiring of your mind. Keep a keen observation of your thoughts and write them down on a journal on this forum.

You are going to keep positive thoughts only.

Keep on keeping on

[Now-or-never]

Another day gambling free and it feels great! I actually couldn’t have even if I wanted to as my little boy was sick today and attached to me like glue, but I didn’t think about it. I’m starting to come to the realisation that I gamble to switch off and escape. My life is great, there is no need to escape, but my time is never about me. There is always 100 things running through my head that of things that need to be done, always at least one child attached to me when I am home or out with them… I can’t even poop on my own atm. When I play there is no one talking to me, nothing going through my head but the game.
Now that I’m starting to realise that it’s going to be a lot easier to stay away and deal with that. I’ve downloaded a new game on my phone, building this village which I’m really enjoying. I can escape into that and switch off. I haven’t brought supplies to advance (and let’s face it even if I went mental I couldn’t do even 1/10 of the damage I do on a machine) but I don’t want to either. I take myself out the back and just play and escape, it’s great!

Tomorrow there will be opportunity to play, I am working so I have before, lunch and after. I’m going to organise to meet my mum for lunch, leave the house so that I’m late arriving if I go straight there and put on my exercise gear and walk home maybe even leave my wallet at work.

I’m really happy I’m actually starting to progress, the next 3 days will be filled with opportunities and if I can use them for good i can prove to myself and my hubby I can do this !

[mark6646]

You can do this, thanks for commenting on my post thought I’d share some love too! Setbacks can always happen. I remember for me last October (1st) I said to myself that’s it I’m done and started focusing on a new hobby (Running) and I got really good at it, that I actually did a marathon in early January. The few days after i wanted to “celebrate” and went out to gamble and drink and I actually won the grand jackpot at a pub for $9000. I was on top of the world, said to myself this was my reward and I’d never play again! Paid off a $5000 loan I had and still had money left over, gave some to my mum and my wife and said it was from “investments” and kept a little bit to myself. Bad mistake. I got into it STRAIGHT AWAY! and went the week after and blew what money I had, after that I started borrowing off friends until it totalled around $3000. Now I had to get a loan AGAIN to pay them back, which is what I did except that I used the whole loan instead of paying people back.

Now $8000 and finally admitting I’ve got a problem when it was soooo EASY to come back to it and that’s when I opened up to my mum and told her everything as well as because I need a bail out. Now I have started doing GA and AA (As both are a problem for me). With my GA meeting being the first tonight, something has to change and we can’t keep doing the same things that have always backfired. I think we just have to keep trying and eventually we will get rid of this problem, but we can’t keep doing the same things as willpower sometimes isn’t enough. I think maybe you should try some GA or counselling services and just see if it helps, for me I feel like that weekly reminder of going and hearing others stories and maybe helping them that it will keep me away.

[Now-or-never]

You are 100% right, I need to go to get to a GA. I’ve done a lot of research around here and unfortunately there are none at times I could make arpund me, that’s how I stumbled into this group I’m going to join some of the calls on here soon, just not ready yet. I’m going to look into one on one councilling but I do think a group situation would be more benificial. 

[Seanraj4731]

You are making progress you are doing well on your day 3 continue to plan your day with your family work and your time exercise training yoga hobbies take a long walk or do something you enjoy to distract your mind
Ways of hacking into that mindset where it is hardwired to addiction is to rewire refocus what you are going to do from this moment on.
Keep a journal is important it keeps your accountability of each of your thoughts that may lead you back to that area where its completely out of your reach now.
Keep that thought that same way as you continue to press on for attain self worth and self recovery.
Take care safe and be bless

[Now-or-never]

I made it to day 5! I am so proud of myself! Wednesday’s are usually my biggest loss days too as mum watches the kids and I have all day and night to play. Getting through today has given my so much confidence I can do this. There was a couple of moment I thought just a quick 50, but now that I have a few days under my belt I thought even I did just do 50 (which would never happen) I’d be back on day one and I just don’t want to lose that.

My hubby is so proud of me too which is so nice

[mark6646]

You go girl!!! Keep at it, keep your husband in your head as well as these forums, and resarching quitting as well as any support groups. As long as it’s constantly in our head to NOT gamble we won’t and we’ll power through it, we just can’t get too complacent because that’s when the nightmare begins! Best of luck.

[Now-or-never]

Spent yesterday making budgeting spreadsheets which was really motivating to see what we could achieve if we keep going. I’ve put the past mistakes behind me and know there is nothing I can do change what’s happened but can learn from
My mistakes.
It’s very strange having money in my account still 24 hours after being paid… good strange though

[Now-or-never]

Tick! Today I had a lot of challenges because I had a lot of opportunity. But I didn’t want to back down. I kept looking at my budget spreadsheet and it’s tight but doable if o just don’t gamble. I stopped myself from going to the gym as I just didn’t trust myself to go out esp it being next to the club. I haven’t blocked myself. I can’t bring myself to go in there and do it., I just don’t want to face the place and make that step of Admitting to all of them and outside of this group and my hubby that I have a problem. I’ve told myself if I break (anywhere not just there) I have to and it’s like that’s another motivation not to go in. You can all hold me too it too 🙂

[Emma8]

I know it’s terrifying, but just walk in and self exclude from the club. You don’t have to say “i’ve got a problem”. You could simply say “I would no longer like access please”.

Once it’s done, the weight will be lifted from your shoulders and you’ll be able to go to the gym freely without stress and worry!

[Now-or-never]

Today was a really hard day to get through. I found out what money we will be getting in March and it’s not only going to get us out of debt but give us a comfortable buffet. As soon as o got off the phone I wanted to go and play. I started thinking to myself I’ve really accepted the losses as gone so I’m not chasing money, I deserve a little break and I’ll only take 20. I then started thinking I could go back to the casually playing. Like once every couple of weeks and be one of those people again. I had these thoughts going through my head over and over. But I also had everything else going through my head as to why I shouldn’t. That voice saying “you will never be that person who can just play casually” “ you know you can’t leave after 50, you never have” and “I’ve made it this far don’t disappoint yourself and Brendan (the hubby). Today the good voices won. I don’t have the hurrah cheer going on, I’m feeling quite numb and still have the urge but not as strong (probably cause even if I wanted to play I actually can’t right now). I have another day of being able to play tomorrow and not looking forward to it. It’s going to be the toughest day so far. Just got to keep myself busy and keep think positively!

[Emma8]

Each day that you stay away is a day that you grow stronger.

Self-exclude from everything if you haven’t already and then remove any other temptation.

Also ensure that the money that you will receive goes to a safe space until you feel 100% confident that you won’t use it.

Thinking of and focusing on the positives is the best thing. It really helps motivate and drive you in the right direction doesn’t it?

Keep going, you can do this!

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