- This topic has 13 replies, 5 voices, and was last updated 6 years, 1 month ago by Matthew116.
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10 September 2019 at 3:26 am #52497Matthew116Participant
I’ve never tried anything like this before but might as well write my story and journey starting today. I started gambling about 8 years ago when I turned 18. Nothing serious, just dabbling with it every now and then since we have a pretty big casino in my town. As the years went by and I got myself a nice job, saved up some good money and got really comfortable with myself I realized I have a some “play around money”. This turned into a trip to the casino after a night out of partying, I realized I’m sitting on the blackjack table with couple hundred dollars to play with. Before you know it I’m down about a grand. This is when the chase started. In 2015 I was up down up down and in the fall I realized I was at an all time low in life. Lost 13 in about 8 hrs of playing. Banned myself from the casino that day. Was well over about 2 years clean from gambling and then in April of 2018 I relapsed very bad and lost another 10k. Quit gambling up until this September. Lost another 12k in a span of 2 days. I feel embarrassed. Sick to my stomach. Absolutely dead inside. Writing this just to start this journey to recovery. My life was so good not gambling and I just replapsed again. Day 1 guys. Keep me in your prayers
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10 September 2019 at 10:49 am #52498SteevParticipant
I think of this sort of thing as binge gambling. You know you can go for months, years without a gamble but as soon as you start you can’t stop – well not until the money runs out.
I use the technique of thinking of my gambling as a serious allergy. If I had an allergy to strawberries and they made me seriously ill, put me in hospital, on a drip or worse; I would never eat strawberries again. I might LOVE strawberries. I might see other people eating strawberries and feel that pang of envy. I could see them being advertised all over the place, but I know for me that strawberries are a no-no. So I don’t ever eat them – and in the grand scheme of things, they are only a small part of life – I can choose to avoid them and save myself a lot of hassle. So it is with gambling. Know that you have that allergy to gambling and you just cannot do it. Put the barriers in place, get good support for yourself, find other ways of spending your time so that gambling thoughts don’t come around. But the major thing is to know that you are one of the ones who cannot gamble. Accept it and move on. I wish you well.
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10 September 2019 at 1:01 pm #52499kinParticipant
Hi Mathew,
Thank you for posting in my thread.
Can you share more about your thought and feeling when you mention that this is what you need to hear on my thread. -
10 September 2019 at 2:53 pm #52500Matthew116Participant
You know id like to consider myself more as a Spiritual person, so when I fall down like this, sometimes I just need encouraging words, strength and a lot of prayer. I’m on day two today and the only thing that is helping me find peace over my losses is praying for it. I’m still struggling in dealing with constant thought of gambling and dreams throughout the night of it
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10 September 2019 at 3:02 pm #52501Matthew116Participant
Completely agree with you on this. I simply cannot gamble. Can’t handle the winning because it’s never enough. And when the chase comes in it is literally to the last penny. thankful for good friends However And support. Just had to borrow 2k from a good friend of mine just to be able to pay for bills. I’m just so thankful I didn’t max any cards out and go into heavy debt.
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10 September 2019 at 3:17 pm #52502Matthew116Participant
The day just started for me but I’m confidently saying day 2. I simply have no more money that I can physically spend at the casino. One thing I have noticed that helps me out unfortunately is hitting rock bottom. Like a lot of us here sometimes we just need to hit rock bottom to feel a place I would not wish upon anyone even my worst enemy. The guilt, shame and embarrassment is killing me inside. But I know that all this shall pass. Sunny days wouldn’t be special if it wasn’t for rain. So for those reading this, stay strong. There is hope.
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11 September 2019 at 1:19 pm #52503velvetModerator
Hello Matthew and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums
Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!
Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.
As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)
And on that note….
I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂
Take care
The Gambling Therapy Team
PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!
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11 September 2019 at 2:44 pm #52504MurrS7Participant
joy wouldnt feel so good if it wasn’t for pain.
i got a good quote on here from someone in our shoes I will get it for you here. It really resonated with me so I copy and pasted and put it in my notes, I read it every day.
“It is a tough journey..but it is still a journey and with the right frame of mind it can actually be an enjoyable one. Great stories are not those of smooth rides through life, but great stories are those of people who have overcome difficult challenges. Bit by bit, I am writing a great story.”
keep going bro. You got this
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11 September 2019 at 4:01 pm #52505Matthew116Participant
I’m packing my bags today for a trip right now that I booked before all of this happened to go camping out of state. It’s weird how the feeling of loosing still lingering in my stomach but it is day 3. Day 3 of a journey I signed up here with all of you guys for a road of recovery and support! Thank you murr for support and everyone else that takes the time to read this. Have a blessed rest of the week, peace & love!
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13 September 2019 at 10:17 am #52506Matthew116Participant
Day 5)
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14 September 2019 at 4:13 pm #52507Matthew116Participant
Day 6)
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17 September 2019 at 7:44 am #52508Matthew116Participant
Day 8 & I just came back home after a trip to the west coast and met the women I plan on marrying one day. God has been moving in my life in ways I cannot imagine. Hope everyone here is staying strong and believing that there is hope for us. Even after big losses. Thanks guys whoever is reading this and supporting one another.
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20 September 2019 at 2:33 am #52509MurrS7Participant
how are you doing in your recovery brother ?
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20 September 2019 at 4:35 pm #52510Matthew116Participant
Hey man I’m hanging in there. Still gf. Saw you are starting a new job congrats man. Stay busy stay strong and stay focused.
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