[Margaret_57]

Well I am gamble free for three days,I was up to 86 days,but went three days ago it feels like forever.I am upset with myself and back to dealing with urges but am determined to lick this .The days are dragging at the moment and I am keeping busy so I would post here to keep myself accountable.More on my gambling story later.

[Steev]

I know you feel down about gambling again – but every time I restarted I gambled less and the times between gambles lengthened – I am hoping that is the same for you.

I look forward to hearing more of your story!

[Margaret_57]

Yesterday was a hard day for me,I don’t know why,I guess it really is ODAT.It is good to read these forums,gambling is such a horrible disease and it is sad how many people struggle with it.,me included,I have been in recovery?for about 4 years now perhaps more but still struggle with staying free of gambling,but yes Steve the times between bets are longer and the relapses are shorter ,usually only one bet.thannk goodness.I know how much damage I can do and to be honest I know I will lose ,so am trying to focus on the good things life offers without gambling.I was in debt way before gambling and spent a lot of my life struggling financially,being a single parent of four,so I find it relatively easy to deal with the hardship of no money sadly.I went bankrupt a few years a go to pay of a large credit card debt,as I was unable to pay it,so I am lucky I have no debt,which reduces my stress a great deal and own a car outright.I am now in my 60s and came to gambling late in life in my fifties,but looking back I have always had an addiction of some type to deal with but this one got me on my hands and knees !Anyw a y I will go and do what I need to do today and another day gamble free.

[Margaret_57]

Well another non gambling day begins,yesterday I was o.k.,not many thoughts of gambling,I was having lunch and noticed a pokies sign ,and briefly entertained thoughts of going,but common sense prevail ll ed thus time and I kept away.Thanks for your support Steve,after reading posts on this forum,I can identify with Monica as I have had a similar experience to her so all of you are keeping me motivated and helping to try and get some sanity into this insane way of life I had been living.

[Margaret_57]

Isn’t it strange how it can take us so long to admit or acknowledge we have a gambling problem yet others see it well before.The triggers for me are wanting to feel that excitement but I actually don’t feel that any more ,just resignation,here we go again on the win,lose trail.I suppose that is a good thing as it stops me in my tracks before I walk into a pub.I have never tried online gambling as for me I wanted to leave my house and mix with people,although when you are at venues sometimes that contact is limited to basic chats.So the loneliness is another trigger.Hmmm…

[i-did-it]

Hi Margaret,
It’s really positive when you can identify triggers. Is there anywhere else you can mix with others? There’s a site I sometimes use called “meet-ups” and it tells you about lots of events going on in your area – everything from a few people meeting up to walk to dancing. You might find a new focus.

Well done on your gamble free time – progress not perfection !

[Emma8]

I’m on day six now of a third or fourth try at stopping gambling and figuring out triggers is really important to me now.

Clearly we all have things that draw us in, which can be recognised on the surface, but I think it’s also important to dig deeper and see if we can discover anything else. 

Its hard to fathom why you’d ever want to take part in such a terrible activity when it can be so harmful, isn’t it? 

I hope you’re able to make progress every day and move forward in your life without gambling, I’m cheering you on!

[Margaret_57]

Thanks Emma for your message.Yep it’s totally crazy ,the whole gambling thing,but I guess that is why it’s an addiction.Sometimes even coming on here is a trigger for me,I guess it’s because you have committed to a change but that creates an expect a t ion that you will fulfil it.!

[Margaret_57]

Today I feel sad and tired ,

[Steev]

Sad and tired is not necessarily a bad think.  I know when it happens to me, I need to just take special care of myself.  I also know from experience (as I am sure you know) that sad and tired doesn’t last forever and I will be up and about again in time.

The important thing is not to listen to any voices in your head that tell you this is a good time to go back to gambling.  Just care for yourself (and if you can get others to care for you!)

Go well.

[Margaret_57]

Thanks  for your comments everyone.Yes I woke up this morning feeling glad i did not have a gambling hangover as I would have in the past.I seem to be struggling at the moment,I think when you have one addiction you usually have others When you look back over your life and I am sort of having to deal with all of that due to the situation I am in so it makes it hard.Doing a lot of writing but I need to step back as it can be overwhelming at times.OH well onwards and upwards so they say!1Yay to all of us !I find sometimes counting the days hard so I will just keep writing and let the days take care of themselves.

[Monica1]

Yes, we do have some similarities. I also started in my fifties and did massive damage financially and to my health. Early recovery working through emotions also was overwhelming for me and I struggled with this. My early story is on here.
But it does pass. Like idi, I found the gma women’s programme helpful. The most helpful to me was regaining my faith and trusting my higher power. Pete said to me yesterday I have emerged out of it all a stronger person, and he is right, and a better person. A lot of things have recovered in my life and I feel blessed to have happy days.
So working through the feelings of sadness with a counsellor can help as can journaling. I went through a period of deep depression, anger and sadness but it does pass. The destruction of gambling can no longer be something we have in our lives. Not if we want to have any sort of happiness. It’s a choice and I choose me and I choose life.
And yes, there has been a tendency towards addiction in my life which now is just the smoking and a tendency to overspend. But I have started to budget and opened a savings account.

[Margaret_57]

I thought it was time to post again.Well I still feel bad,lot s of weird health problems that are being looked at but I know I would feel worse if I was gambling,at least I don’t have to sneak around and lie to myself and others.I am finding I have a wee bit more energy and motivation to do things than normal so that is a surprise.My mood is still low,but I guess I don’t have the highs from the pokies so that will take some time.I think that is why I struggle to get past 90 days as I feel tense when I am not getting gv those highs ,although t he lows are not pleasant.Combine that with urges and you have a recipe for relapse,so I shall focus on being kind to myself when I am flat and sad.Thanks again for the kind works Lets all do this !

[Margaret_57]

Yay to me 28 days!!

[Emma8]

Very very soon you will be at 30 days and one third of the way towards that 90 day milestone that you spoke about!

Keep doing what you’re doing. It’s so motivational to watch the progress isn’t it? That is definitely overpowering any urges for me right now. I’m just so much happier.

[Margaret_57]

Yes emma8 and all others it is a hard slog,but support here helps.Its crazy that I find choosing a better and healthier lifestyle should be so hard,I am looking at my mindset as that is my main barrier to change.Resentment,self pity negativity are all rearing their heads so I am trying to stay calm and focussed and use the slogans.

[i-did-it]

Hi Margaret
Yes resentment, self pity and negativity can hold us back – but we deserve self love and self compassion.
Sure we made mistakes but we are just good people trying to sort out our lives and live as best as we can.

You are working hard at stopping gambling- it is a huge change for us and for our brains . It is a time for extra kindness towards ourselves. Once we sort this horrible addiction we can start to work on other stuff .
For now Margaret just give yourself some well earned credit for how far you have come. Stopping gambling requires huge amounts of energy and focus.
Well done on your journey so far and thank you for sharing.

[Margaret_57]

Well I have not posted for a while,sheer lack of motivation I guess.I am still gamble free so thats good but sometimes just hanging on.Life seems to slow down when you are becoming conscious,I suppose that will change eventually.It is definitely hard work to stop a bad habit like gambling,I feel like I am in another reality at times.!! This site is good and we are all inspiring but I feel it is sometimes a very lonely path we walk.Take care all of you amazing and brave people.Another gamble free day for us all.

[Margaret_57]

I was reading about addiction today and how it is a symptom of an emotional overload or crisis that a person is experiencing and that is why we need to realise that the behaviour of an addict can take a while to change but counsellors are focused on the reasons for the addiction not the actual behaviour.(symptom)It makes sense as to why it can be so slow to stop.I felt better after reading this but need to redouble my efforts to do my homework.!

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