[Leggylad]

I started gambling when I was about 8 on those stupid 10p pushes you get in games arcades. Not sure how kids are allowed to play on them as they are clearly gambling, but thats not really the point of my story. I advanced to fruit machines when I was 16-18, and the escalation started there. I would go out of my way to go into pubs to play the fruities. Throughout my student days I would pump all the money I had into them, hoping to get the thrill of winning the Jackpot.

After the fruities came the casino and shortly afterwards came online poker. Most recently sports betting has been my game and I am completely penniless as a result.

At the age of 14 I had an accident for which I was awarded c.25k in compensation. At the age of 32 I am 12k in debt.

I may of this year I came clean with my GF of 5 years. I was 24 hours from defaulting on pretty much every single one of my loans. She saved me, loaned me £5 (all of her savings) and together I got my finances arranged in the most cost effective way. I then went 2 months without gambling and felt absolutely great. My debts (including what I borrowed from my GF) came down to about 7k and I could finally see the light.

Sadly I work away from home a lot and the boredom has been absolutely killing me. This month I started gambling on horses again, and have lost 1k in the last 48 hours. The debt is not back up to the levels it was, but my confidence has been destroyed. The only thought in my head is that I need to win that money back. That thought started when I lost the 1st £100 and in trying to win that back I’ve lost £1000.

I can’t tell my GF that I’ve been gambling again. It would crush her, but I feel so guilty about it. And I’m not sure how I will be able to make it through to the end of the month as I’ve completely spunked everything I had in my bank account, and even taken out PD loans to gamble with. Not quite back to square 1 financially, but definitely back to square 1 in my recovery.

I have never been to a GA meeting, and not really talked to anyone but my GF about it. Talking to her was a huge weight off my shoulders but that weight is back and I need to get back on track.

I have a great GF and a great job. Why do I keep on ruining it? Why am I so weak? I tell myself not to deposit the cash… I do it. I tell myself not to apply for more credit… I do it. How do people get over this?

[charles]

Hello Leggylad and welcome to the forum.

I hope you are reading some of the other threas here, you will see a lot of stories similar to your own. You will also see some of the success stories – what are they doing that you can apply to your own situation?

Why do you keep doing it? Well it’s a simple answer for a complicated problem – it’s an addiction.

Where do you normally gamble? What barriers can you put in place?

Try and speak to your girlfriend.. This time though don’t just tell/promise her you are stopping – show her by your actions what you are going to do to deal with the problem. Show here this site, she will see you aren’t the only one with the problem and she can also get support and advice for herself if she uses the Friends and family Forum, make yourself accountable so that you can’t gamble in secret. Trying to keep things hidden can in itself send someone gambling as they try and keep hidden debts secret.

Maybe try those Ga meetings, again how can you get to a meeting each week without telling your g/f where you are?

Keep posting and let us know what positive steps you are taking.

[Leggylad]

Lots of positives today. I concentrated hard on my work, and was very productive. Although I had some compulsive thoughts I resisted the temptation and I feel proud of that. The weekend will be difficult, my GF is away visiting her parents, so I have committed to painting the lounge to keep myself busy. But the weekend is still a long way away so I am only concentrating on getting through the rest of today and then on to Friday.

Thanks for your comments and advice Charles. I am reading as many posts as possible and am seeing which techniques I can apply to my recovery. It all helps.

I will keep posting, as knowing I was going to write tonight has helped me stay focused.

[HP]

keep it up leggylad – I am in the exact same position as you and have not told my girlfireind – I have just figured out I have around 8k on credit card debt – luckily its on 0%. Keep resisting those urges!

[Author]

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