[Cursed23]

As the title say. I’m hurt lonely, depressed and my healing is gambling which is destroying my life. Been married for 6 years now, been thru hell and back with my wife, I have no family friends here to support me, just her and her family and my sister got raped 6 years ago when I first got married , it was shocking ,the most shocking news as by my best friend who I grew up with, apparently he had a thing for my sister all along and alcohol got the best of him. I fell into depression mode and actually never recovered, was devastated, couldn’t work socialize or even live in this real world. Was always lost. What makes it more worse after 2 years of that tragic incident I was still the same but my wife and her family grilled me to the bone for not working etc. i was about yo end my life until I found gambling, i went to the casino everyday, did part time work, took extra money and go every weak until I finally snapped, decided to filed a divorce and my wife finally realized I was sick and needed help, she then provided support and I stopped going, found a job and started to move on easily from the past.up until 1 year ago I was gambling free and happy! When this spear started, same bullshit, my wife kept hurting me all time about the past about how much money I lost at the casino and guess what I started back going, I’m at a point now that even when I’m at the casino and win I don’t care I keep playing till everything done, I’ve already sold everything I own and I’m about to loose my job, I’m on this site because I feel gambling did something to that I can’t turn away from, it took my pain away and made me feel good and I’m addicted and kept going back. I think I can work with out with my wife if I can stop but I can’t, every week I take my pay check and I go. If I dint have money I play her credit card with online poker . I can’t stop. Plz help.

[kin]

Hi Cursed23,

I am so sorry to hear about your traumatic experiences with regards to your sister, best friend and wife.

It is painful.

I have read your post and notice that you are doing a lot of escape gambling and gambling to numb your unhappiness, stress and anxiety.

Have you seen the professional for your depression?

Your acting out is turning into a vicious cycle, it was obvious you are trapped and could not free yourself from the bondage of addictions. It is becoming a vicious cycle every payday. Every time you receive the money, the mind become anxious and start planning how, when and where to act out. This behaviour only stop when you have no more hard earn money to feed the addictions. This is a very damaging self inflicted injury and painful punishment, how much more pain do you want to inflict on yourself? how much longer do you want this suffering to carry on?

it is time to put a stop to the pain and suffering, enough is enough! Stop pressing the self destruction button!

Let the healing begins.

I would like to take this opportunity to welcome you to this site, you are not alone with this problem. I had the same issues, the depression, the self medication thru gambling and other forms of acting out, seeking relief in all the wrong ways, acting out only to numb my discomfort and escaping life’s realities, I have become a slave of money, working to feed my gambling until I lost everything, and had to work hard for the next one month only for the same thing to happen again and again, I end up working for nothing, I want this to end but I could not break free from the powerful bondage of addictions, it is all in the past now, there is HOPE.

In the meanwhile, you can write about ” what are your thoughts”, “what are your feelings”, and “what are your action plan” in here.

it can be very therapeutic,it will also be easier for others to give advise and encouragements on how to cope with your daily challenges.

Your journal will be your treasure and a blessing for others one day, you will see how you slowly walk out like many in here.

Get support, learn from the people in GA near you on how they practice the 12 steps recovery programme to stay clean.

Seek help from the medical professional for your depression.

I cannot, HE can. Talk to a priest or pastor on how to seek God and how to focus on God daily, listening to God’s word, and walk closely with Him.

I will pray for you.

With love

Kin

[monique]

Welcome to this site. Kin has already written with some good ideas and suggestions.
Gambling was an escape from pain, but it now causes much more pain for you. You have shown that you can stop, as you did for a time. This time, let it be a fresh new start, where you take it step by step, day by day and gently and gradually move into a better life for yourself.
I also wonder if you are able to talk with your wife about how you feel about your past – it is painful for both of you. But perhaps she is not fully aware of the impact of her words. Would she be willing to discuss her feelings with someone outside the family, too? A professional counsellor? Or make use of the Friends and Family support?
As Kin writes, you can start a Journal here, attend the support groups, use the helpline, read the comments and stories of others, who are finding a way to recovery and health.
It sounds as if you have been totally overwhelmed by all that has happened, but slowly but surely, you can emerge to find a new way of life, with the right support in place.

Best wishes,

Monique

[Author]

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