[lees9054]

It’s taken me quite a long time to realise and acknowledge the extent of my gambling problems. I’m 29 and have been gambling compulsively since I was 17.

It’s caused a great deal of debt, emotional and mental stress. I work two jobs and work hard only to throw away everything I have and more that I don’t have.

The last 24 months have been the worst. Betting and losing amounts that are far more than I could ever afford leaving me feeling depressed waiting for payday to just start the same cycle again.

The main problem I have is that due to all the debts hanging over me, I can’t justify to myself having any enjoyment or spending anything so I gamble to ‘allow me to do things’.

I need to quit. I’ve closed and self excluded from all accounts. I’m looking into consolidation of credit cards to reduce interest fees. I need to stay focused. This is day 2.

[lees9054]

I’ve managed to keep away, no gambling. The urges have been quite strong, but after a really big, loss I always find it ‘easier’ to stay away. It’s too fresh and raw, and I usually don’t have any money available.

I just hope I can keep it up.

[maverick.]

Keep fighting those urges Lees and well done on posting and sharing, as you well know this addiction will take everything if we let it, take care and stay strong, wish you well.

Maverick

[lees9054]

Thanks for the comments Maverick, I appreciate the support.
I slipped today, quite badly. Stupid amounts on a new online account. I’m feeling quite low right now, but I’m away for a few days over the weekend with no gambling access. I think it’s what I need.

Day 1 again

[maverick.]

Lees keep fighting its the only way, hope you had a nice couple of days away, be sure to keep posting and never stop trying.

Wish you well and take care.

Maverick

[lees9054]

Thanks Maverick. I had a great time away thanks.
I’ve been trying to restructure my finances since I got back and staying focused with work.
I haven’t gambled, but that could be due to not having the money. I’ve been feeling quite low at times, the money I owe seems overwhelming. Not as low as when I lose even more though so I just need to try and stay strong.
Payday tomorrow, I need to pay everything out and limit access to what I have left.
Day 14 – the furthest I have made it this year.

[maverick.]

Lees,

Hope you are doing ok?, keep fighting and stay strong, really well done on your gamble free time its great to hear, try and keep it heading in the right direction, look after yourself and as always one day at a time.

Maverick

[lees9054]

Thanks for the comments Mav.

Im ashamed to say I had a pretty big slip today. Things had been going pretty well, nearly a month gamble-free for the first time in years.

I was just walking past the bookies and have no idea why I went in…. I was on my way somewhere. It went downhill quite quickly. Losing £600 in no time wasn’t enough. I went straight home, opened a new online account….. Lost another £1000 chasing. Still that wasn’t enough, I opened an overdraft on an account I had only just cleared with a loan I took out and lost another £1400.

I seem to lose all reason and it scares meHow can I every have a ‘normal’ life. I’m working two jobs to pay credit cards and interest….. why does it not hit me that it will take me 300hours to repay what I throw away in less than 1 hour.

I’m going to try a GA meeting tomorrow. See how that works for me.

I’m going to try a GA meeting tomorrow

[Bee123]

Hi Lees,
I feel for you after reading your last post, it could have been me writing that. Those damn bookies. Could you try self excluding? i know it’s hard as there are so many, but if you can start with the one’s closest to you they let you include 3 more shops. Take some photo’s with you (2 for each shop).
I also worry that i will never be normal again, but other addictions can be beat so this one can too.
Keep your chin up

[vera]

“‘Been there, done that” all too often Lee.
All I can say is, if you hadn’t had access to all that money, it wouldn’t be gone now.
Moral of the story, limit your access.
I know I could do the exact same thing in a heartbeat.
In fact I don’t know why I haven’t done what you did many times this year. I think breaking the habit is almost more important than overcoming the addiction.
Our mind set changes when we change our behaviour.
How was GA???

[lees9054]

Bee – thanks for the comment. Unfortunately those kind of things are all too familiar for me aswell. Regarding the bookies, you’re right, there are so many and I work up and down the country so it makes it more difficult. I do think it would be a help, I’m going to self exclude from the bookies in the local area.

Hi Vera – I know, I tell myself that I’m ‘limiting access’, but I’m obviously not doing a good job. Whilst it isn’t that relevant now as I lost all I had, this is something I will do next month.

The GA was good. Sometimes you get so caught up in your own problems it makes you feel isolated, GA was friendly and made me realise that isn’t the case. I can’t make the same meeting this week because of work, but there are others in the area I can get to.

[vera]

Hi Lees
Just touching base , to see how you’re getting on?
Any payday, since?
Hope you have barriers to prevent you losing your salary.
After a few months pay day will be just like any other day. Give us an update when you have time.

[Author]

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