[lg]

Not sure what to do here but think that journalling how I feel might help for a bit.
I’m down about 50000GBP over the last month. Was up 70000 before that. My biggest problem is that 36000 of that is now credit card debt at a ridiculous 36% apr. No idea how I’m going to maintain it.
That’s my biggest problem – the only way out that I can see is to win some money – how the f can I do it otherwise?
Lost 500 today – literally no idea how it happened. Sat on the toilet at work and went 400 down in about 5 minutes – I thought I was making sensible bets as I knew this was my last 500.

My wife would divorce me if she knew – all I care about is not hurting her.
I think I’m bipolar and have thought this for many years but not sure how to deal with this. I’m a teacher and couldn’t imagine anyone employing me if I have a recorded history of a mental health issue like this. The only thing stopping me killing myself is the effect it would have on my wife.
I have 300 left until payday on 20th and can only think that I have to use it – how else am I going to pay next months finance charges on the card?

It’s easy for GA to say – ‘you have to stop gambling as the first step’ – what if I have no other choice?
That’s how I feel – I have no other choice but to keep going.

[lg]

Haven’t used my 300. I can accept the chance that I don’t gamble again and just pay off my debt. Applied for a loan to pay my credit cards – if I get it then all fine – I’ll spend the next 2 years paying it off. I’ve done this before and spent 6 years paying off a 10k loan. Funnily I finished paying this about the same time I started playing big again.
If I don’t get it I’m screwed and can’t see any option but to gamble what little I’ve got to get some of it back…

More reasons I can’t tell my wife. I live in Hong Kong. Tonight we are going to the races with some friends. Next weekend we’re off to Macau for the weekend. This summer we have a big holiday planned in the States – including 5 days in Vegas. If I admit to my problem then all of that is off. My wife’s dream holiday that we’ve been gradually paying off for about a year is screwed. A large part of our social life is gone. Ahhh…
I’m starting to admit that I can’t control myself as well. I used to think that my probel was just that I couldn’t control it – my method was sound, I only lost when I stopped following my rules, usually coinciding with getting drunk. I’m starting to take seriously the idea that actually I can’t stick to my method whatever state I’m in. This is quite depressing.

[Jwblues]

It’s never to late to stop sound like you may have some good credit rating I really fink you need to be honest with your wife and tell her everything and hope that she stand by you and help you ive lost silly money myself 80k and im 26 I know only ow 17k still a long way to go but with my partner help I can’t gamble she has total control over the money it’s the best thing I’ve ever done it’s hard to recommend somthing for a 36k debt on credit card as 36% is a lot and you could stuggle to get rid of it with that apr you can get a debt management plan they will also help you you dong want to let that 36% apr on 36k carry on for to long you could do with rather getting bank loan with like apr rate of around 7.4 and get rid of that credit card you could also call debt management they will help you so much with managing your money i do fink you need to talk with your wife I understand its a hard thing to do she’s your soulmate she should stand by you and help you admit what you have done tell her you got a problem hoping she will work with you to help you put barrors in place for you hope this can help you a bit your not on your own out there buddy

[lizbeth4]

Hi. Please consider telling your wife about your gambling. Honesty was one of the first steps for me in my recovery. She can help you put barriers in place and stop the use of more credit. It does help when someone you trust can help you. I paid off debt and turned around and got into debt again regarding my gambling. It’s like a revolving door! Support is essential for recovery. Think about it. Take care and keep posting.

[lg]

Thank you for advice about this – it is helpful to see other people in the same boat and listen to their stories.
I can’t do it though. I can’t bring someone else who I love dearly into this pit of sh*t that I’ve created for myself. It just feels a bit selfish. I know I’ll have to if I can’t get next months rent together or something like that but I will still try to avoid it at all costs. It’s my mess and I need to deal with it.
I have been here before – lost around 4000 GBP but we were in a situation where neither of us were working and it was nearly the very last of the money we had. I had been 5000 up and told her and we were so happy that there was a way out. I lost it all over the course of a couple of hours and held out for about a month before I had to tell her. That was definitely the hardest time we’ve ever had as a couple. That was 6 years ago and I spent that time paying off every penny to the people I borrowed off. I promised that it would never happen again…

What I wonder is how to people manage to get over the fact that they have won money in the past. My thoughts are – I have turned 500 into 5000 loads of times before, with proper control and management. I once, fairly recently, turned 5k into 100K over a hard 14 hours on the online casino. It was brilliant – went out and bought a bottle of very nice whisky to celebrate. An hour later had nothing.
So I keep making excuses – If i hadn’t have got drunk I’d still have the money. If I just kept the control that led me to win, I’d still be winning. My thoughts dwell on the times i won rather than the times I lost. How do people cope with this?

Still waiting to hear about my loan. Starting to think that if I got the 30k loan, I would pay 20K off the credit card and put the other 10k on ‘one last go’. I know what people will say, I know it will be the wrong idea but what if…?

[Jwblues]

You do need to be honest with your wife explain to her it’s an addiction that you got and you need help getting over you need her she is your key to help you stopping really don’t go get 30k loan pay 20 off leave you 10k that 10k is 10000 pound in 20 pound notes really we don’t see money go when we gamble online you can not afford to gamble another 10k try get yourself that loan wih a good apr rate to pay credit card off or try leave your self with 2k to help you with expenses for rent ect your first step it to tell your wife with my partner I could say now I would be dead I had to tell my mrs I was 80k in debt she stood by me explain you got an addiction you are going to go GA you want to recover that the place to be mate they will first tell you tell your wife she’s your key of stopping if I don’t reply before 6 I’ll be at work driving hope this is another day that you are gamble free mate one day at a time and just for today I won’t gamble x

[theone12221]

Hey mate, you mention how you can get over the memories of previous big wins. You’re totally right, we all get them. As gamblers, we’ve all had those dream big wins. But where do we all end up? At rock bottom, most of the time.

You mentioned you turned 5k into 100k – yes that’s quite amazing. I’ve also turned 3k into 35k and 10k into 45k a few times on casino and online blackjack.

I’ve also lost it all. You ended up losing that 100k in a few hours. So my answer is EVEN if you do win, you’ll hand it all back in a matter of days, if not hours. That’s the catch. Yes we can all get lucky and win. But the problem is not that we can’t win, the problem is that we CAN’T STOP even after winning. We get greedy. We want more. 5k wasn’t enough for you and 100k wasn’t enough for you either. 500k would not be enough for you. Basically the addiction is not to win, but to keep playing. Gambling makes us irrational man, when you were up 100k, I bet you thought you could turn it into a higher amount (feelings of invincibility). When you lost down to 95k, to 90k, to 80k or 50k did you think to stop? Rationally you would, but in our mindless rage we don’t care. We just think about our highest point and want to get back there. We get greedy as hell. We are NOT in control of our decisions.

That’s what happens. If you keep playing, most likely you’ll just keep losing more. Even if you win, you’ll give it back. You CANNOT defeat this. No amount of luck (bar winning the lottery) will save you. I know it’s hard to give up but you must surrender – accept that you have a disease that cannot be controlled, that cannot be cured. It can only be tamed and held in check. The longer you keep it in check, the less effect it will have on your life. It’ll take time, it’ll be the hardest battle of your life. The first step is to let get of those losses. Good luck.

[lg]

So on 5th day without gambling – would like to say it is a triumph of will but actually it’s because I just don’t have any money.
No go on the loan – trying to see what other options are available to pay off the credit card. Still struggling to see gambling as not one of the options.

Also – it’s so fking BORING… When I have a spare half hour I don’t seem to have anything to do. Just aimlessly surfing the internet or facebook. I actually have plenty of hobbies – just not been doing them for the last 4/5 months or so when I got back into the online casino big time. Over the 3 or 4 years when I didn’t gamble ‘properly’ I was obsessed with forex trading instead – same sort of thing I suppose. Still lost money just not as much…
Do we always need something to scratch that itch?

[theone12221]

Hey there, 5 days is a good start.

It’s a good question you pose…I think it really depends on the individual. I myself have a fairly addictive personality, and I always need something to do to “stimulate” my mind or give me excitement unless I’ll get bored. Many things I do (whether it’s a hobby, a website, a game or another activity going to the gym) I usually get “too into” and find myself spending a bit too much time on it than I should. I become temporarily obsessed with that thing. So for me personally I do indeed move from one “addiction” to another.

However, that is not to say I cannot lived a balanced lifestyle. There have been occasions where I’ve also been able to live quite a mundane or balanced lifestyle as well. I think the highs of gambling are really unmatched by the buzz of almost everything else we do. That’s why when we suddenly try to stop after a long period of playing, it feels like we suddenly have all this excess time and we almost get “withdrawal” like symptoms from not feeling that sense of risk/excitement we’ve associated strongly with gambling. I definitely find that the longer I withhold from gambling, the less “bored” I become in my normal life as I slowly start to incorporate other routine activities/relaxation activities into my lifestyle. Definitely, I’ll still get the occasional moment when I feel like “damn I’m bored, placing a bet or even watching some people gamble right now would be quite fun/exciting”. But of course I know that’s all a trap, this “fun” will inevitably end in another nightmarish downward slope that I will not allow myself to get on again.

So my answer is, the itch to gamble becomes smaller and smaller the longer you stay gamble-free. If you can find another passion in another aspect of your life, this will also significantly shift your focus away from seeking temporary (and typically self-destructive) escapes during your normal life. But most importantly, remember that, even if gambling may ease your itch, in the long term it will cause you more psychological and physical harm than almost any other addiction. The temporary benefits are fleeting and you only remember the highs and wins because that’s your addiction trying to talk you back into it. Ultimately you know what the end result of gambling actually is ~ rock bottom in all aspects of your life.

[lg]

I suppose I still haven’t actually got myself to believe this yet, as much as I know it’s true. I’m still stuck on thinking that actually I just hit a bad patch, which is to be expected, and if I had a bigger stack it would be fine.
The bottom line is it is a problem with me, not my gambling technique – just need to really convince myself of this…

[lg]

I suppose that is the common thread with us all here. Why do I only seem to be addicted to stuff that does me harm? I’ve tried to get addicted to the gym and exercise but it just doesn’t do it for me!
What do you think of the recent research that suggests that all addictions, even those that we assume are chemical based like heroin or crack, are actually because the addict feels like they don’t have a normal system of friends and a feeling of fitting in?
It suggests all addiction is down to the addicts feeling of not belonging rather than the thing itself.
Or do you think gambling addiction is different to the others. I’m pretty much definitely an alcoholic as well. Secretly smoke after giving up for one year when I got married. Is there a difference between the self-destructive addictions and ‘just’ obsessions related to hobbies? I know many people who become obsessed with activities: music, cycling, sex. Why am I the one with the self-destructive ones?
Sorry just feeling a bit down today…

[theone12221]

You pose a very good question. I definitely think there is some validity in that. I feel like gambling addiction is definitely a result of us being unhappy with some area of our lives. Whether its a lack od excitement or variety, or simply feeling like we are not worthy or competent in real life. Whatever the root cause, addiction (in particular gambling) definitely preys on these aspects of human weakness. I definitely think that a great social life and fulfilment in our daily lives would definitely help reduce the likelihood of us falling into this trap, however you see many otherwise successful and intelligent people still become addicts. Overall though I definitely believe feelings of loneliness or helplessness/dissatisfaction with our lives can be huge triggers for addiction.

I do believe that self-defeating behaviors are a bit different to obsessive hobbies. There’s just something about the risk associated with self-destructive activities that make them so much addictive and darkly satisfying. I really don’t understand the psychlogy behind it but its definitely an interesting area of thought.

[lg]

I logged onto my online account for some reason and saw that there was 40 quid freeplay. I said to myself, ‘Give it ten minutes play’ and was all out after 9.
I don’t feel so bad because it wasn’t my money but still feel a tad guilty because I was meant to not gamble anymore.
Also went to the races with some friends on Wednesday – put about 3 quid on each of 8 races. A lot less than I normally do and feel satisfied that I could control it.
As I’ve said before, some of my social life is based on gambling situations and I would prefer to be able to control it rather than stop altogether but I get worried by other people’s stories of getting sucked back in again.
Believe me I don’t think that I am ‘better’ than anyone here – I’m one of the worst if I just judge it on amount lost. I would just like to be ‘normal’…

The bank agreed a repayment plan for my credit card. A little over 1100GBP a month for the next two years. It sound terrifying but it is certainly manageable – far better than the non-plan option anyway! It felt like a great relief when I found out but my first thought was, ‘So how much do I have each month to gamble then?’
I still have about 6 grand to pay off on another credit card (120 a month in interest) and about 3 grand on a third card which I share with my wife – they just increased the credit limit by a couple of grand so that one will have to wait a bit longer…
I know it can be done. Debt free in 2 years and then I can concentrate on getting my savings and retirement fund back. So long as I don’t die/lose my job/relapse badly in the next 20 years I might be able to retire! Now THAT seems like a long time…

Going to try to give up smoking this weekend – done it properly a few times before so I know it’s possible, just a little uncomfortable. My drinking is mainly under control. About once a week I say ‘f it’ and get bladdered. Have to go out with a friend tonight who has her long distance semi-boyfriend visiting – will be a biggie so I have to try to keep it relaxed and not give in to my inevitable smoking urges after a few drinks… At least I am safe in the knowledge that when I come home there won’t be money at the online casino that I can blow in a few seconds while drunk!
Been filling my spare ‘gambling time’ with suitably addictive simulation games – works for me…

[theone12221]

Be careful about those simulation games. Your ultimate goal is so that your brain gets out of the cycle of continuously needing its daily dose of “gambling stimulation”. Try to find another hobby or activity to preoccupy youself if you can. Try to focus your energy into self-improvement activities such as exercise, working better or living healthier. Good luck on quitting all 3!

[lg]

Try again… I have a surprisingly optimistic attitude this time. Partly because I know I will not have a spare penny for quite a while.

(btw @theone I meant kind of computer strategy games, not gambling games!)

[theone12221]

Hey man, I find that not gambling from lack funds (whilst good) doesn’t really help much with recovery. The true test (and it will make you believe you can quit) is denying those urges when you DO have funds to play with.

This is why you need to:

1) self-exclude and install blockers on any electonic devices you gamble on. Self-exclude from all online/offline casinos/bookies etc.

2) seek emotional support: ga, relatives, partners, gamcare hotline, forums.

Finally be PATIENT…us CGs want immediate results and this is a major trigger for our relapses.

Don’t play the victim card. Everything decision to gamble is a reflection of ourselves and our state of mind. We must be stronger.

[Author]

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