[i won a new life]

I started a new thread as I’m not feeling so bad with some gamble free time behind me. I don’t necessarily need to be reminded of betting strategies as they can be a trigger for me.

Although I’ve tried to gamble I can’t do to the barriers I have in place and it’s relieving that they are rock solid now. I’ve actually been blacklisted by all online gaming and took permanent self exclusion from some local betting places where I was still leaking some money.

Reading stories can be an emotional reminder of past pains and also a trigger but it helps to be reminded of the devastation one bet can cause.

So now I have a gamble free life, gambling is not an option and I feel good about that. I’ll continue to post on this new thread and wish everyone the best in their recoveries.

[i-did-it]

Hi Iwon,
A huge well done to you.
Your approach to recovery is inspiring and you deserve every minute of gamble free time .
As time passes you will feel better and better and I am delighted you have chosen to share your journey with us .
Your post has really lifted me .

[charles]

Well done on your gamble free time and on having those barriers in place.

[i won a new life]

Although I was tempted I didn’t gamble as I can’t, not having access to money to gamble with.

I am still fascinated with gambling as it has consumed most of my life over the past 5 years.

In the end they get it all, one day at I time I am winning by not falling in the trap again. No win was ever big enough it all gets flushed down the greedy toilet.

I am looking forward to getting back to a gamble free possibly normal life, emotions heal in time.

Thank you to everyone who has been here to support me, I’m focusing on my career and I believe my brain will get back to a more functional thought process as time goes on.

[i won a new life]

I had a good amount of gamble free time, gambled a bit today and found it was quickly becoming a problem again. The damage was minimal, I’m back to remind myself that my gamble free life is worth living and I don’t want to go back to how I used to be.

[i won a new life]

Well things were going good. I won’t get into details but I recently fell and fell hard and fast. It was like it was a bad dream and now I’m left with the devastation. Adding up the months to pay off debts, it could be worse I’m stopping now. Major wakeup call needed.

[TTA]

I think it’s such a positive action to come on and post your last comment. We have all been there I’m sure. It happened many times to me. There isn’t a miracle cure but none of us would be here if there was.

Be strong and positive tomorrow is a new day.

I will be on chat at in 20 mins. Feel free to join if you like?

[i won a new life]

I don’t know if I can get on chat but I’ll try.

[kathryn]

Congratulations on coming back,
it would be easy to just continue with the destruction.
You know what works…..use it
Keep posting, staying in touch really helps (I learnt this the hard way)
Look forward to reading more from you,
Love K xxx

[Semaj]

Hi I won a new life, I’m glad to hear that you have been able to stay clean. Hope to hear more about your experiences here. It will definitely go a long way to helping everyone here, me included.

[finding_laura]

Hi New Life! I’m so glad you came back. I did too. I think over time I just stopped doing the things that had helped me stay clean for so long. In 2016 you said you were black listed and life long banned from local places. Can you get your barriers back in place for these new locations? More of these places than a dog has fleas it seems! All the best. You did it before, you can do it again. Wishing you strength.
Laura

[TTA]

Hi IWON just checking in to see how things are going. Hope all is ok?

[i won a new life]

Nice to hear from you Kat, Semaj, Laura and TTA.

I did close and self exclude from where I last had my gambling binge, I was convinced I would win everything back that I put in and didn’t stop until I had no more access to money.

The problem was that I thought I could just play with a small amount and not go back to my old habits, my barriers were down.

So yes I know what works, but when my compulsive gambling takes hold I am fixated and will not think logically at all.

I have been thinking of coming clean to some close family members and giving up control of my finances, I think I’m fine but in the back of my mind the monster is there.

[TTA]

Thanks for posting was hoping to hear from you today.

What you have said makes so much sense, I was very similar.

My main problem was exactly the same in that although it was not everyday when I did I carried on until I had nothing left. There was no rational thought but I would not give it up until I could not physically get money to carry on.

The days I didn’t gamble I honestly believed it was not a problem but then did the cycle again.

I carried on like this for so long and ultimately realisation came when I had nothing left to lose and hit rock bottom. I honestly wish I had recognised that I had a problem and to deal with it sooner as I wouldn’t have hit the bottom.

Don’t get me wrong I don’t look back and regret this all the time. It is what it is but I would never want to see what happened with me happen to anyone else.

Coming clean saved me and I honestly believe that I just wish I had done it sooner.

It seems you have the choice now. Do whatever is right for you of course but I honestly believe by coming clean you will interrupt the cycle and things will start to change.

Keep being positive.

[i won a new life]

Why did I lie?

Why did I give my money away?

How am I going to pay my bills?

Why am I not happy?

Why do I relapse after long periods of not gambling?

Why does gambling consume my thoughts when logically I know it is a losing game?

I just lost another $2000 in bitcoin the games weren’t even fun, just straight down losses. Slots, blackjack, dice, crash. You name it I had my fill. If I could turn back time I would but strangely feel good that I’m done and can’t gamble do to not having money….

To be continued…..

[i won a new life]

Making a payday plan is of upmost importance to me, it will be like running the gauntlet, dodging the bullets just to take my money on payday and put it strictly to bills and not making the mistake of the first bet.

Recently this became a problem for me again getting the cocaine high of “having money” wow what a feeling.

So this is it the plan is money goes to bills and some cash to live on and life will straighten itself out it time.

Good luck to all in recovery don’t think you can be a greedy adult and make some extra money on the side gambling ,the heartache is all to real.

[lizbeth4]

That sounds like a plan. Pay the bills first! We never make money gambling. Any win is never enough. We keep chasing the win. You can do it. I’m doing it. I agree, the finances will straighten out if we stay strong.

[i-did-it]

Hi New life

I have relapsed so often I feel my name on here should be “the relapse”.

However , I have learned from each relapse – it took a long time for me to eventually know with absolute certainty that I will never win- because I will just return any winnings that day or another day.

Early in your thread you write about having rock solid barriers .
Has one of these been compromised Newlife and if so are there any steps you can take to reinstate it .

I am suggesting this because my will power is weak and has let me down for years – my gambling blocker however is strong and is making it impossible for me to gamble . I guess I’m quite lucky that land casinos don’t have the same draw for me as online. My phone is playing up at the moment and I will need to change it and already the addiction is telling me that I can have a small flutter on my new phone . Addiction sucks !

Making a payday plan is a great idea – I remember that money hitting the bank account was the best feeling – I’m not sure if this was because I had been skint due to gambling or because I now had money to win back my losses (?!!!?). I’m here – so you can guess he that worked out for me !

Newlife – you have had considerable gamble free time in the past and you can do it again

Stay strong

[i won a new life]

Well I’m going to start by being honest, I gambled today and it was a bad day.

I am in control of my finances and made the decision to do so but it is a disappointment.

I looked at the new look of GT and I have been a member for over 4 years now when back then I came here seeking help and support when I realized my gambling had become compulsive and was a problem.

The damage was minimal and I stopped and now I’m done.

I always seem to have the sneaky devil in the back of my mind waiting for me to say It’s ok to gamble you don’t have to tell the people at GT they will be disappointed in you and give up on helping not only that they don’t want to hear that.

Yes I was wrong I know what steps I can take to stop my gambling completely and I haven’t done that yet, In over four years I have had my ups and downs but wow what a better place I could be in life if I would have been more diligent in the beginning.

I don’t have much more to say this is just an honest post for my journal so I have something to look back on when I am in that “better place” in life that I’m trying to get to.

For new members reading my journal, barriers are the most important thing if you truly are done with gambling. Give up your access to money, your time or method.

[finding_laura]

Hey I won, I am back too after “dabbling” or dancing with the devil for a couple years. I had picked up my 5 year chip but never quite finished year 6. I had some barriers still in place so I couldn’t have too many real blow outs. But over time it added up and there bill payments late and extra interest paid and all the things that happen when you juggle money to gamble. But I finally made it back here and got back into the habit of having GT and my fellow recovery mates to add a little bit of accountability and make me think what I’m doing. We can get back on track. Just have to bite the bullet with some barriers. I don’t know if we ever want to stop when we are in the middle of it. If you are here dig in and hang on. Good to see you back. Tomorrow is a new day. And we are all here because of the things we did for gambling. Should be no judgement. You can do this again and you will.
Laura

[i won a new life]

You are right on all accounts of the juggling money, late bill payments and intrest payments, all do to gambling.

I am in a good frame of mind to get back on track and I’m going to dig in and hold on,  I have to at this point just to survive

it got out of control again and I don’t know why but the Christmas holidays and first few months of a new year seem to be a bad time for me based on my history.

I hope to learn from those expensive mistakes and I appreciate your comment of no judgement.

[kin]

Good job on your honesty. It will do wonder to your recovery.
No one is better or worst than another person in here. We share our strength and hope in here.
The good people here is non judge-mental, non critical and they respect your sharing, feeling and decision.
They share your pain when you fall and celebrate with you when you do well.
We learn from one another experience, how and what they do when the same thing happen to them.
Slip and relapse are a part of our recovery. We learn from our lesson.
One baby step at a time. One day at a time. Seek progress not perfection.

[i-did-it]

Hi Iwon

I know how it makes us feel when we gamble.
I know he horrible counting of money in our heads , the thinking about what the money could have bought , the reluctance to completely embrace beer gambling again, the debts building up and mind that’s can hardly decide between urges and regret .
This is so hard –
Give your self credit for both all the times you didn’t gamble, for your genuine and real efforts to stop and of course for your honesty – it is difficult to say I gambled again..

I realised myself that when I had gamble free time and I slipped , I wasn’t starting all over again – I was going forward with the lessons I had learned and each time I was a little stronger… and so it is with you .
You are not starting again you have just learned another lesson along the way.

Well done on coming here and writing with such honesty –
You help us all by doing so .

Keep strong .

[Author]

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