[ctfdup]

I have been losing my wages through football betting mostly for nearly 9 years ( I am 28 now), as a kid I never really appreciated the value of money.
2 years ago I got into my first real serious relationship, and I love my girlfriend so much. She lives in the US and I thought my relationship with her, along with breaking down to my parents several times (them threatening to kick me out), would be the incentive I need to stop gambling once and for all. I want to come clean to my girlfriend as I have a plane ticket to see her in just two weeks time, and I have lost all of my wages for November, along with two gifts from my Aunt and Grandparents totalling £1250. I have told my girlfriend everything is set for our trip, and we are supposed to be staying in a hotel, for which I need £400 in the bank, that I don’t have. I have large debts, and took out two more payday loans in the last couple of months. I can’t tell anyone again that I have relapsed, I have no one to turn to, no one that can help me. I don’t know whether to tell her and risk her leaving me and everything I ever cared about being over, or to kill myself, or steal the money from my parents, potentially ending my relationship with them for good. They have been so supportive but I have messed up yet again. They already suspected that I had been gambling again because I snapped at them right around the time that this episode started again last month. I am still working (at work right now) and I next get paid on 21st December, which would be enough to not have to tell anyone again, but there are 4 days that I am supposed to be at Universal Studios having the time of my life with my partner for which I will have no money, and dont have enough money to cover the hotel reservation. So I would have to lie about being really so sick or something that I can’t go to Orlando (3 hours away from my girlfriends house). There is so much more I could say about my past, but it doesn’t change the impending doom of having to admit all of this to everyone again. Someone help me please

What can I do? I am lost. I am so ashamed. All of this is happening again.

[finding_laura]

Hi CT,

I don’t have all the answers for you. I wish I did. I do know that suicide is not the answer you are looking for. Your parents, your girlfriend, your friends, would tell you that themselves if they had the chance.
I also know that you’d should protect your next pay before it arrives or you will have a good chance of losing that too.
It’s like we can’t seem to help ourselves when in full blown gambling mode. We need to put in place measures to prevent access to our own money in the beginning.
If you tell your girlfriend there is the risk of losing her. But if she finds out you are lying to her and faking an illness, or if she senses the untruth it may turn out much worse. Also, is it fair to her to be in a relationship with someone who is hiding an uncontrolled addiction from her? Just some thoughts.
When you came clean to your parents before, what ACTIONS did you take to help yourself? Did you attend a few GA meetings and/or go for addictions counseling? Did you ban yourself from the sites and locations you were using for gambling? Or did you put gambling blocking software on your phone? Did you ask your parents for help in controlling your finances? I am asking because just trying to stop because we have hit a new financial bottom and are embarrassed and humiliated is so difficult without using some or all of the tools I’ve mentioned above.
There IS normal life after this addiction. Maybe look at some of the things I’ve mentioned. You are still so young. So much time to live a gamble free life. Time to make up for the losses through hard work and smart choices. Don’t totally despair. Tough times ahead to get through. But don’t do anything foolish like harm yourself. As a parent let me assure you, that is not the choice your parents would want you to make. Deep breathes!
Laura

[ctfdup]

Hi Laura,
Thank you so much for replying. When I have opened up about this over the years previously I have attended maybe 3 or 4 GA meetings (but these are 15 miles away) before resolving to treat myself because “I would never ever do it again”. I then stay away for a length of time before somehow slipping back into the same habit of finding a new online bookies to sign up with. The software may be my best option. I have many typical tales to tell. I had around 7000 won up until very recently and that would have covered everything. I am sick of lieing to everyone but also don’t want my world to come crashing down on me. I don’t want to be homeless. I don’t want to lose the love of my life. My employers seem to be receptive to my request for a wage advance. Obviously I have deeper seated issues to address. I don’t really want to die though. I found the person I want kids with. Want a life with. I am so regretful of not stopping myself before It got too late. I keep doing my university degree coursework so I can’t really want to die. I was finally happy and somehow it wasn’t enough to stop me gambling. I was referred to the problem gambling clinic a couple of years ago but it would have meant travelling to London every week. My girlfriend knows that I used to have a problem, but would never dream that I would compromise everything we have and lie to her saying everything is fine. She thought it was all over before I met her. I thought so too but it’s like I block out ever being conscious of it until I have literally no money and I am at rock bottom once again. A familiar tale to many I am sure.

[ctfdup]

As an update to the above, my employer has arranged for an advance on my wages and it will be with me tomorrow. My short term problems are solved, I may continue to post here as it is cathartic and I have seen that it is beneficial for others 🙂

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