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I’m scared. I’m full of fear. Terrified so much that I’ve never imagined. Frightened of gambling …. its happening again and again and again. Ive been trying so hard to stop it, but …. Ive been clean for 6 months but I couldn’t stop the urge … and it happened again. Lost all my savings in a night and more importantly lost the commitment to myself. Yes, again lost all my savings in a night and believe me Im talking about the life-changing money for many people.
I’m a man with a top rank salary which can come back from most of my gambling losses. I lost about AUD 700K in gambling during last 8 years. It doesn’t mean I started gambling 8 years ago… no … I used to gamble from my childhood…. Long time ago… Its something inside me… something that I never could get rid of it …. The last time was couple of weeks ago…. After 6 months….. AUD 20K gone just over a night and subsequently further AUD 35 K last week. AUD 55K in 2 weeks.
This has to be the last one ! this is why I registered here in this website and now confessing …. It may help…not only help me, but maybe the others with the same condition. I lost all my savings …and by “ ALL” I mean “ALL”…. AUD 700K … but I didn’t lose my HOPE. I’m still alive and did not turn to Zombie. Im sure I can win this war. The WAR with the other side of me ! Its extremely difficult ….. I know…..
I never won , never….. even after 6 months the darkness came back and teared me apart again. But I did not give him my HOPE. He took all my money but not my hope.
So… Im here…. Deeply wounded but stronger than anytime. Im ready to fight back. And I continue to fight till I’m sure the GAMBLING-me is vanished forever. -
That your gambling addiction is kind of like mine – it comes and goes… However, you confessing and asking for help is a big step in your recovery, and it may lead to the change you seek if you are committed
My first advice is to set up barriers for whenever the urges to gamble return. I’m sure that you know the most common barriers if you have been reading the forum.
Secondly, I would suggest you to reflect deeply on your reasons for gambling, what has triggered your gambling in the past, was it for money, was it because of boredom, do you have unresolved issues from your childhood, etc.. For instance, I gamble to escape my fears and my stress (obviously they can come in many forms, which leaves the question on how to combat that pattern?). Each type of fear and stress for me can have different solutions, but I will, to the best of my ability, not let them grow too big to the point where I act negatively on them. This is a really experimental phase with loads of trial and error. So, in the past, I have gambled because of money, not because I needed it, but because I felt it could validate my worth. Realizing money was a trigger for me, I decided to put less value on money – I shouldn’t need money to feel good about myself. And so, I rid my room and my dresser for any excess junk and only left myself the essentials. I cut down my spending A LOT and now live a very minimalistic lifestyle. The result is that I don’t think about money, I don’t stress about it at all, it’s just a means to an end.
I hope you can make sense of anything of the above, It was just a quick response. Good luck with your recovery.
– Chris
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