[DanielleCH]

I had the strongest (familar) urge to go out and buy a prepaid visa to gamble online with. I can’t use my own cards because my boyfriend, who knows I’m a compluslive gambler, watches my accounts closely. Tomorrow will be 3 months gamble free for me. It would have been 11, but I had a major slip up in August.

To go buy a prepaid visa for $25 and gamble online, would not make a dent in my savings. So I figured, why not? What’s the big deal? 

The big deal is – it’s NEVER $25. It never could be. It’s everything I have and whatever I can get my hands on. After all this time, why am I still trying to negotiate with myself to allow this pain back into my life? The answer is, I’m a addict, I always will be. I hate the sounds of that, but it’s true. I need to accept this is a life long battle and there is no “cure”.

Over the past year, I’ve been discharged from bankruptcy, had no car accidents (I had plently when I was spaced out from a big loss), and I no longer want to die. Life is beautiful when I’m not gambling.

These urges are hard to deal with at times. I have to remember where I was. I have to remember the agony and pain and numbness gambling brings.

I will tell the voice in my head that is wanting to give in to the urges “BAD THINGS HAPPEN WHEN YOU GAMBLE” so many bad things. So much pain. I can’t go back there. I wouldn’t be able to make itthrough again.

[velvet]

Hello Danielle and thanks for starting a thread in the Gambling Therapy forums

Here at Gambling Therapy we pride ourselves on being a caring and diverse online community who can help and support you with the difficulties you’re currently facing. We understand that this might be a tough time for you, particularly if you’re new to recovery, so come here as often as you need to and participate in the forums, access online groups and connect to the live advice helpline if you need one to one support. We’re in this together!

Here on the forum you can share your experiences in a safe, supportive and accepting environment. The beauty of writing it all down is that you can take your time and you will be creating a record of your progress that you can look back on if it ever feels like you’re not moving forward. So, share as much or as little as you like but do try to stick to keeping just one thread in this forum so people know where to find you if they want to be updated on your progress or share something with you.

As well as the forums New Members are invited to join Charles in the New Members Practical Advice Group On Mondays at 21:00 (UK) and Thursday at 19:00(UK)

And on that note….

I’m going to hand you over to our community because I’m sure they will have some words of wisdom for you 🙂

Take care

The Gambling Therapy Team

PS: Let me just remind you to take a look at our privacy policy and terms and conditions so you know how it all works!

[vera]

What a powerful post! Every CG who is contemplating gambling again, should read this.
It’s never $25. Gambling comes with a far higher price tag.
Recovery is priceless.
Thanks for the reminder Danielle.

[jen3]

Remembering the agony is always the hardest for me. Every time I start to feel better my mind plays tricks on me. I convince myself “it will be different this time” it never is. Choosing to gamble Its like “standing in front of a firing squad” as Vera once told me. One more screw up will most likely do me in. I refuse to be taken down by this addiction. In any case as Vera said , powerful post!

[jen3]

Remembering the agony is always the hardest for me. Every time I start to feel better my mind plays tricks on me. I convince myself “it will be different this time” it never is. Choosing to gamble Its like “standing in front of a firing squad” as Vera once told me. One more screw up will most likely do me in. I refuse to be taken down by this addiction. In any case as Vera said , powerful post!

[jen3]

Remembering the agony is always the hardest for me. Every time I start to feel better my mind plays tricks on me. I convince myself “it will be different this time” it never is. Choosing to gamble Its like “standing in front of a firing squad” as Vera once told me. One more screw up will most likely do me in. I refuse to be taken down by this addiction. In any case as Vera said , powerful post!

[DanielleCH]

Thank you both for the kind words. Jen, I have to remind myself of the agony when I get an urge. Taking myself back to those feelings, although I’m not really there, and knowing those feelings will inevitably return if i give in to the urge – it helps me win over the urge.

[Author]

Posts