[blackjack412]

So after reading these forums when I’m depressed I finally decided to write my own to see of there is anyone else out there with similar issues. 

Not to drag it out too crazy long, my current situation is great job 100k a year, loving wife and children. I am 36 years old and if I had to guess I have lost at least a million plus over the years. 

Started gambling young developed into casinos at 19 in Niagara falls then 21 went to Vegas all the time now for 10 years pittsburgh has 5 casinos within in hour one is 10 mins from my house. 

I was there the other night playing blackjack started $100 a hand. Lost $1500 ok no biggie so got out more cash was drinking heavily and started betting big. Was up over 10k colored up had chips in my pocket but I never leave. One by one each $1000 chip started coming out and u guessed it one bad shoe and it’s all gone plus more buy in. 

I have always been like this and can never freaking leave. I go on big runs all the time but no matter what it seems like I give it all back plus. I bet 1 out of 10 times up I will actually leave. If I would’ve left like I should have then I would be fine? Nope I just will gamble again and again I can’t stop. I feel depressed for a couple days then it gets better. I’ve lost 10k plus on many nights but have walked with 20k once. I am definitely a degenerate loser and even though I gamble the right way and usually do good I wont walk. So when I chase my losses when I’m sober I just lose more. Any advise would be great because this cycle needs to stop I’m at my end. 

[marke]

You have come to the right place to talk about gambling issues so well done on that first step.
I can relate to many points you have made. As compulsive gamblers we can never just walk away.
Looking at it the way we are “wired up” just means if we gamble we will always lose. Many times I have been up but one, two or even all three of the following will apply
a) you start to think you are invincible and carry on
b) you just get plain greedy
c) you are just so much into the gambling “zone” you carry on regardless
Plus if alcohol is involved then it is far more likely to worsen the problem.
I have had many gambling benders over the years but I have finally recognised that I need help. Looks like you have reached that point too.
For myself I have installed a blocker on my laptop as that is where I have done all the big damage and I limit my time on it as i think it became an emotional crutch. I signed up for counselling. I have cut right back on drinking alcohol and intend to give up altogether. This site has been a great help too and as many people on here would say it is about taking actions.
My advice would be to get yourself excluded from all the casinos in your area. Not the total solution but will help you when you get an urge to gamble. Speak to a counsellor, it will help to offload your thoughts.
Sounds like your home life is good, think about telling your wife when you are ready. It will help your case if you say you are taking positive action. It would be good to get her support. That last one is totally up to you though, if you really think that she will flip then it’s your call. One thing is for certain though, if you carry on she will find out.
All the best
Mark

[blackjack412]

Thanks for the response Mark. The wife already knows. I have banned myself before but signed back in. I hate not being able to go for social reasons but I think you are right I need to sign out again. Yeah I am wired like I will continue to win I honestly feel if I would walk away I would actually be up gambling because at some point in the night I am usually up. Its pretty rare I actually just go and lose every hand. I’m torn and I know I have a problem but my other side is saying I dont just need to walk away. Ugh…

[marke]

If I can be honest with you I would make every effort to stop now.
I have screwed up 2 relationships because of gambling. I used to say gambling was a factor but that there were other problems too. However I was still in denial. They were loving women who ran out of patience.
If I hadn’t gambled I would have been in a far better place to communicate and solve any issues arising in my relationships. I gambled to escape reality and would become withdrawn and moody. Gambling was the problem I admit that now.
Looking back I should have confronted life issues, talked about my emotions and gained help.
Again if you pardon me shooting from the hip. If you have decent friends they will understand if you quit gambling. You can always meet up with them at other times.
Man, I have said those points to try and stop you falling down the same hole as me.
Take care buddy

[blackjack412]

Thanks for response man. I feel my relationship is solid but I could be wrong. I totally get into a funk for days after a big loss sometimes even a big win because my gambling usually goes hand and hand with heavy drinking. I only do it maybe once a month heavy then chase my losses for a couple days. I’m really going to try and not gamble for a year to see where it puts me financially. I dont get the urge to gamble daily and make sure my kids and wife are taken care of financially it’s just lotsssss of extra savings that I should have not the debt. We dont have joint accounts so she really doesn’t know how much or when I gamble but I dont lie if she asks just bend the truth a little haha 

[MurrS7]

Just checking in to see how you are doing this week brother.
I’m almost one week gamble free. It’s been rough. But I’m trying my best . Take care of yourself man

[Taytay]

im the same exact way as you are and i know how your feeling. Its very hard but we can over come this im trying as well. One day at a time. Hope to hear more.

[jen3]

I remember my black jack days…. it doesn’t matter weather it was the track, black jack, slots and cards. (Mississippi Stud, ultimatum) All the same results when we are compulsive. We will never win enough and we will always chase losses. Like you I have made a lot of money over the years work wise, (not much to show for it though) I have had a lot of really good runs. (Over 30k a handful of times) with that being said I have nothing to show for them either. I remember maybe 7 years ago or so playing at a table with a friend of mine (just someone I knew from casino). He had it reserved it and let me play. He was up over 250,000.00. I left that night and came back the next day. He was there again. He lost it all and than some. Never saw him again. I always wondered if that was the end of his gambling days. I remember being angry when people would say “I would of quit, I would never do that, blah, blah, blah. How does anyone know what they would do unless they were in his shoes. In any case just goes to show when we are compulsive no win will ever be big enough. It’s all a waste of time, energy, health and you got it.., money. I have been on the gambling roller coaster for over 25 years… lots of pain and misery and “what if’s” It is only 21 days g free for me but I am determined to live a better life. I hope you do the same. Also as you know drinking and gambling are a really bad combo. Been there done that way too many times. I guess it does not matter much because wether I am sober or straight the results are the same. I wish the best for you.

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