[ARB90]

Hello everyone. The background to my story is that I started gambling in high school when I was 17. I would go into the local bookmakers and gamble with my lunch money and sometimes skipped ‘boring’ classes to stay and gamble if I had money. I ended up going to university when I was 18 and lived away from home. I would travel home at weekends as I worked a retail job in my hometown so I was earning about £300 a month during the first 2 years of my studies to earn some extra money as the only funds I had were funds I had received from student loans (which I also gambled with). During my 3 years at University my gambling became gradually more frequent and my stakes gradually increased with it. I would say 99% of my gambling was through online bookmakers via mobile and 99% of my gambling was sports betting. I had a lot of free time on my hands, especially during the first 2 years of university so I would study sports and betting markets, read articles, check injury reports, odds value, trends etc and pick what I was going to bet on. I put a lot of calculated thought into my bets and had some success early on. I was actually winning more money gambling than I was earning from my weekend job for a while. One summer I won about £4,000 in the space of about 3 months which I gradually built up which equated to about 1 years worth of salary from my weekend job at the time. So I was around 19 years old, consistently winning money over a period of months, I naively believed that I had mastered sports betting. Over the course of the few months that followed I managed to lose all of those winning and had started chasing some of those losses in the process. I attributed my winning bets to skill and my losing bets to plain bad luck. In my head I was thinking, well I’ve managed to gradually build up winnings before, I can do it again. My gambling habits continued throughout my final year of study and I quit my job to ‘concentrate on my university work’ which didn’t happen as I was spending probably 90% of my free time either thinking about gambling, studying gambling or gambling. I somehow managed to graduate even though I contributed as little time as I could to my studies and I had realised during my final year that I had lost interest in pursuing a career in my field of study which was sports science. When I left university I was faced with a what now? I was 21 years old, had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or my career and was trying to find a job just to bring in some money until I figured out what path I was going to take long term. One of the worst decisions I made in hindsight was going to work for a bookmakers but at the time I hadn’t accepted or acknowledged the fact that I was developing a gambling addiction. I worked at a local bookmakers for about 3 years and continued to gamble during this time and was living paycheck to paycheck spending probably 90% of my income on gambling. Towards the end of my time working there I began to finally recognise and accept that I had a gambling problem and decided to escape that environment as I was surrounded by gambling 24/7 which was just fuelling my betting activity. I ended up leaving that job when I was 24 and took a temporary warehouse job which I was laid of from after a few months. I then struggled to find work and ended up having to sign on for benefits which I felt so ashamed and embarrassed about. Especially when I was picking up about £80 a week in universal credit and gambling most of it away. Looking back, this is probably one of my lowest moments. I was 25 years old with no job or career prospects, no money, claiming benefits and most of my friends were working good jobs, getting mortgages, starting families etc I really felt like I was being left behind and had achieved nothing in life. I realised that I needed to make changes and turned my focus to finding a job with good career prospects and something where I would have the opportunity to work my way up within a company and ended up getting a job working at the same firm as my Dad which was a local Aerospace company. I managed to get a trainee job in Ultrasonic Testing which paid much better than any work I had done previously and consisted of about 18 months training to fully qualify. For the first time in my life I really applied myself well and put a lot of concentration and effort into performing well in my job as I wanted to make the most of the opportunity and see where it would lead. I ended up fully qualifying with a 96.5% pass which to this day is one of the only things I’ve achieved in my life that I’m genuinely proud of. I was earning more money and working overtime so managed to build savings together with my girlfriend for a house deposit. We bought our first house when I was 26 and we settled in well, we had opened a joint account which we would make regular payments into to cover the cost of the mortgage and other bills and we would have separate accounts that we would keep our disposable income in. My gambling habits continued and I was becoming way more impulsive and more careless with actions. I very rarely put any thought into what I was betting on and at times would bet on sports or teams that I didn’t know anything about just for the action and the dopamine rush. I was regularly losing money and was still spending most of my disposable income on gambling. I had a couple of really bad sessions where I would lose thousands gambling over a 24 to 48 hour period which really hit hard. My girlfriend was aware that I gambled but had no idea how much I was gambling or to what extent it was taking over my life. I realised that I had a problem that needed to be addressed if I was going to break this cycle. I had tried to quit gambling before on my own thinking ‘Well I got myself into this mess on my own I need to get myself out of it’ which was stupid but I didn’t want to put the burden on anyone else. I started self excluding from online accounts and putting barriers in place to prevent me from continuing to gamble and started researching gambling recovery avenues. I noticed that one of the most important points people in recovery expressed was the importance of opening up to people about the problem and not continuing to hide it. It took me about 2 weeks to finally build up the courage to break the news to my girlfriend and I completely broke down when I told her. I was convinced she was going to leave me and expected the worst but she was really more supportive than I expected and I felt like a huge weight had been lifted just by sharing this with her and finally opening up about my gambling. She helped me put barriers in place and also temporarily took over my finances which helped. I contacted gamcare and went through a 12 week group counselling program which was all done online and although it was totally out of my comfort zone I did benefit from doing it. I had never been more determined to stop gambling and after opening up to my girlfriend about it and genuinely believed that I would never gamble again. I managed to stay gamble free from November 2018 until August 2019 which was the longest period I had ever gone without gambling. I had built up savings from work, I was being smart with money and had no gambling related stresses hanging over me for once. I still thought about gambling regularly but managed to fight off the urges and resist acting on them. We moved house in June 2019 and upsized to a family home taking on a bigger mortgage as both of our salaries had increased with our career progressions. Unfortunately I relapsed before the start of the new football season in August 2019 thinking that I had solved the problem and that placing 1 bet over the course of the season which would give me some entertainment all year round would be okay and mean that I wouldn’t get as many urges to gamble throughout the course of the season. This was clearly never going to work but in my time of weakness I managed to convince myself that it was a good idea. I then noticed that GamStop was available and signed up to that straight away as I’d had previous problems with self excluding from online bookmakers only to open an account with a new bookmaker that enters the market which happened all the time. I thought the blanket ban with GamStop was the tool which would solve my problems but I’d eventually find a way around it in November 2019. I opened an online account in my girlfriends name but used a deposit method in my name to add funds to the account which worked even though the deposit method I used had been used on an account with the same company that I’d previously self excluded from. I set up a fake email address so my girlfriend wouldn’t receive any marketing information and be made aware of the fact that I had gone back to gambling. I don’t normally discuss amounts but to put it into perspective I deposited £2000 on my credit card and over the course of 16 days staked £76,500 which looking back on it is just outrageous as I’d effectively staked an equivalent of 18 months salary in 2 weeks. I actually managed to build the account balance up to £8,679.26 and the bookmakers blocked the account pending account verification. I had to upload documentation for ID, proof of address and proof of payment method which I managed to do without my girlfriend finding out but then they asked for copies of payslips which is when I knew I was busted. There was no way I could access this information without telling my girlfriend about everything and asking for her help. We managed to resolve the situation after weeks of back and forth with the bookmakers during which time I have had the opportunity to self-reflect on my 9 months gamble free and my period of relapse. I have finally realised the fact that I will never be able to control my gambling regardless of how many months I’ve been away from it and understand now that this isn’t a financial problem it’s a mental health disorder which creates a financial problem. I have put considerably more barriers in place now to block my access to gambling and have been exploring other avenues to aid my recovery. I will be attending my first GA meeting a week on Monday and although I’m nervous about going, I know I will benefit from the experience. I have started online group sessions and have also been listening to gambling recovery podcasts which I find helpful. I last gambled on 19th January 2019 and although this is now classed as my ‘Day 1’ I feel like I have learned from my experiences since my previous Day 1 in November 2018 and believe I am better equipped in my recovery this time around. I am determined to stay gamble free and will continue to document my progress in this thread and also discuss topics around my gambling and recovery throughout.
I apologise for the length of this first post but wanted to lay down as much of the foundation as possible to show the full picture of the last 11 years of my gambling life. I will be celebrating my 30th birthday in March and after missing out on so much due to my gambling addiction over the last decade of my life during my 20’s, I have a lot to look forward to in my 30’s with planning to get engaged, married and start a family and I will not allow gambling to get in the way and ruin these huge life experiences for me. I am looking forward to a future free from gambling.

[Steev]

Don’t apologise for the length of your post. It was a very clear story of what can happen when gambling when you are young. I also started gambling whilst at college in my teens – and carried on until I was in my 30s and decided I needed to stop. It took me several years to do so though – but then I didn’t have a partner to support me, which I think may have made a difference. When I finally admitted that what I was doing wasn’t working and I had to put more effort into it – I pledged to put as much time and effort into my recovery as I had put into my gambling – and that was a lot!

I went to a GA meeting every night of the week for a few months + counselling + reading and taking courses. Looking back it was this period of understanding myself and others that was the most useful. I haven’t gambled for around 10 years now and I haven’t seriously gambled (I had a few slips) for around 20 – so it can be done.

I think of myself as a non-gambler and whenever thoughts about gambling come into my head, (which are rare now) I think “why would I, as a non-gambler,” want to do that! I live the life I want to lead and my stress levels are down considerably from when I was gambling and also the following years when I was in a lot of debt. I hope you reach those years too. I wish you well!

[ARB90]

This week has been positive overall. I have participated in a couple of open groups on here which was helpful for sharing advice and experiences. I have been listening to some gambling recovery podcasts this week as well which I’ve never tried before and I also found this helpful in hearing other people’s stories and recovery techniques. I have struggled a little bit over the last couple of days, I guess as the weekends used to be the time that I would gamble most frequently. I haven’t really had any urges to gamble but I’ve noticed I’ve been a little more irritable and frustrated than normal over pointless things which I guess is just part of the withdrawal process. I was planning on attending my first GA meeting a week tomorrow but I have since found out I can’t make that one either so I will have to delay it to the following week where I should then be able to attend 3 weeks in a row. This is the only meeting there is which is local enough for me attend with work commitments. I will continue to track my progress on here on a weekly basis.

[crackles86]

Hi there ARB90.

A lot of your story resonates with me. As a horse racing and sports punter, I also used to spend time at University punting instead of studying. It took me 7 years to finally get a degree. I’m now in my 30s and have had long periods of being gamble free (1 even being about 2 years) but have always snuck back in.

Part of the issue is that I love sport. I pretty much watch anything. The problem is that there is a constant associate with odds to do with sport. I usually can’t watch something without seeing either a gambling advertisement, and/or an analysis of the odds. At sporting venues, there is access to gamble everywhere. It’s become really difficult to separate the two.

I love to analyse matches, and because I know the different types of markets (line, handicap, points etc) I often think about it while watching. I’m also pretty good and knowing what they will be without even seeing the odds.

That’s definitely the challenge for me. I’m 6 days clean and determined to not go back.

I look forward to following your progress!

[ARB90]

I can totally relate crackles. I have the same problems. I’ll also watch sports simply for entertainment purposes when I’m not gambling but will always find myself thinking about what the markets would be for that event and sometimes think about what I would have bet on. I don’t want to end up not being able to watch sports which is something I enjoy just because of how strongly it is linked with gambling. Its hard to escape like you said with the strong association between sports and gambling and all the adverts you see before, during and after events. Thank you for posting I appreciate it and all the best in your recovery.

[ARB90]

I have been looking into GA meetings near me and there is only one which is close enough for me to be able to attend around work. However, they meet once a week on a Monday night at 7pm and I often have other commitments which mean I can only attend probably 1 in 3 meetings. Therefore I have emailed someone locally that does 1-to-1 therapy sessions that I could run alongside GA just to add another piece to the jigsaw puzzle that is recovery. I will also try to increase my frequency of online group sessions on here to fill in the gaps for weeks that I’m unable to attend GA.

[ARB90]

I am happy with my progress again this week and have achieved 2 weeks gamble free. I am already starting to notice an improvement in my overall mood. My life is becoming more manageable again as I’m not constantly stressed and consumed by gambling. I have been involved in the open groups again this week and have enjoyed sharing thoughts and experiences on recovery with everyone. I am still listening to some podcasts on gambling recovery which is helping me to maintain focus and a positive mentality towards staying gamble free. I have 4 days off work over this weekend which in the past would have typically resulted in a gambling session. I’m making sure I stay busy and keep myself occupied to distract myself from gambling.

[ARB90]

I have set up a Twitter account based on recovery from gambling addiction. The name of the account is @AddictARB90 and I would appreciate it if you could follow me to help me get started. The purpose of the account is to raise awareness of gambling addiction, break the stigma, and encourage people to speak up and reach out for support if they are also struggling with gambling addiction. It is by far the fastest growing addiction and also has the highest suicide rates with so many people suffering in silence. I want to try and help to break the silence and encourage people to seek out support.

[Seanraj4731]

Good intentions but firstly you need to fully self heal you are now recovering

You need to help yourself first before you can reach out to help others

Research and reading more abt it helps.

Keep journal

[ARB90]

Hello all. I was intending to post my Week 3 entry on Sunday but have been in bed with flu for the last few days so have only just got round to doing it now. It has now been 24 days since I last gambled and I’m feeling good. I was disappointed because Monday this week was supposed to be my first GA meeting and because I’ve been so ill I couldn’t make it, but on a positive note at least when I go to next week’s meeting I’ll have 1 month under my belt gamble free which will be a nice way to start off. I have joined another couple of group sessions on here since my last post which have been good and I’m starting to get familiar with some of the regular attendees now. I’m still finding things to fill some of my spare time left void from gambling and haven’t experienced many thoughts or urges since my last post. I will aim to get back in the routine of doing my weekly post on a Sunday again.

[ARB90]

It is one month ago today since I last gambled and I’m feeling more positive with each week that passes. However I can’t allow myself to get complacent as I lasted 9 months last time before relapsing. I have put more barriers in place this time around and I’m constantly trying to find new activities and create new positive habits to fill the gambling void. I will continue to focus on my recovery and I’m more determined than ever to stay gamble free. I have a lot of things to look forward to this year and can’t wait to create happy memories without allowing gambling to get in the way.

[ARB90]

This week seems to have gone really fast. I have had no urges to gamble and actually enjoyed watching the Fury v Wilder boxing rematch merely from an entertainment perspective rather than a gambling perspective. This is the sort of event that I would normally bet on and even though the build up was littered with gambling adverts it didn’t bother me, I was just happy to enjoy watching the fight without feeling the need to risk money on the outcome.

[Author]

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