My GA Meeting went well. I was opened to it! Time to be honest with myself! On my way home, I had a lot of time to reflect. I’ve heard it said that we shouldn’t dwell on the past. We should cut our loses. But I need to remember the ugly so I won’t repeat the same things over and over. My family did try to help me years ago as they loaned me money when i had gambled it away. It took awhile for me to tell them the truth. They just got tired of me repeating old and bad habits. I hirt them deeply. I’ve lied to companies I owe to get payments reduced because I’ve gambled. Racked up major credit card debt. Most importantly, I’ve lied to myself. I continued to gamble and put my assets at risk, which would not only hurt me but the people I love the most!!! Now, since my last relapse, I find myself digging out of a hole again. Struggling financially and having to keep creditors at bay. Knowing that if I don’t stop gambling I’m risking a lot!! I need to remember the shame and self loathing. And I need to remember the hope and work I need to do to stay gamble free. I’m feeling good today but still a little scared of myself. I have to do the right things and move forward in a positive direction! I dont want to be remembered as the gambler.
