I once heard it said in the recovery world that the only miracle is the “miracle of willingness”. That “miracle’ would of course always be two-fold. First, there would be the willingness to give-up Gambling once and for all. Secondly, there would be the willingness to do what needs to be done to get clean and stay clean.

To be totally honest, I myself have gone round and round with willingness. I have had times where I have wanted to quit, usually out of necessity. I have summoned enough willingness to get started and because I have nearly 30 years away from alcohol in 12 step recovery, I have a good idea what needs to be done. I also have an understanding of the results of doing what needs to be done.

The issue I seem to have is that I Love gambling. I love having it as an escape and a means of recreation. I should by now hate this addiction for all the humiliation and trouble it has caused me, but like a bad relationship, I don’t seem to want leave forever. I often wonder what it is going to take for me to walk away forever.

I get that we do this one day at a time and that we live just for today, but I seem to always find my way back to gamble. somewhere along the line, I convince myself that it is alright to try it one more time. and swoosh, I ma off and running.

I am just going to leave this up here and contemplate why even when I want to quit I do so with reservation. Is there anyway I can find myself in a position of complete willingness without having to go through the wringer? Hmmmm