Usually when I lose all my money I am down and out for a couple of days. But than life continues and somehow I manage to get back up on the horse. The past week I have been journalling out and exploring how I feel and where my life is at. Now I know what I have been experiencing lately isnt just factored in because of the gambling. Yes, gambling has caused me to push people aside and to put a wall up around me. But that isn’t the reason(or the only reason) why I feel so crap. Past couple of days have been more intense than ever. Completely feel helpess, dont know who I am, feel like Ive lost myself, feeling really alone, lonely, isolated. And at any given moment Im almost ready to cry. At home I feel this intense pain the most. Maybe its because I am around people but feel so lost. Yesterday I was doing my best not to randomly start crying while I was sitting on the couch. This feeling of emptyness and painful hurt is killing me. Havent been sleeping well. Dont usually find it hard to express myself or share my heart. For once in my life I cant even articulate what I am going through. I googled depression and it seems I have some of the symptoms. But that doesnt mean I am depressed, right? According to research those who gamble are at higher risk of being depressed. Would love some insight to others who have or are going through this. Cant keep waking up everyday feeling so numb and pathetic. Would apperciate any advise.